Not too long ago my teenage daughter approached me with a very special request... one that not every father gets from his loving daughter. I was sitting in front of the TV after a hard day at work and while I was fidgeting with the defective cable company-provided remote (the one the kids only know how to operate) trying to find a movie I hadn't yet seen ten times already on cable, she blurts out, "Dad, can I have a breast reduction?"
Now, if you're a parent then you know there exists a certain 'conditioning' that occurs over the years when responding to questions from our children, especially if your attentions are focused elsewhere at the moment. They all have this tendency to ask questions at the most inappropriate times. For example, one time I was wrestling with a stubborn pipe while fixing a leak under the kitchen sink. To begin with, I was in a seemingly impossible body contortion trying to manipulate a wrench in a confined space so my frustration level was accelerating. At that moment a passing kid asked, "Dad, can I have ddgrfguff?". I didn't hear the last part of the question but I was safe in responding back, "Yeah, sure." You see, it was a 'can I have' question which was usually food-related as opposed to 'can I go' which requires some passing thought to respond (later I caught holy-heck from my wife for letting my son eat something too close to dinner, but that's a whole other story). But as the kids got older the 'can I have' questions became less about food and more about a request for money... lots of money.
So when my loving daughter asked, "Dad, can I have gufffunfgarble?", (again being too sidetracked to hear the end of the question) my first fatherly instinct was to pause ever so briefly (while watching the TV screen fly uncontrollably past HBO and our local city council meeting and stopping at one of those shopping channels) and I reach for my wallet. Suddenly I realized as I was fingering the few singles left in my wallet that she was not asking for money. "You want whaaaat??"
Well, as you would expect, my daughter is "blessed" with rather predominant female accouterments (not sure who's side of the family she got that gene from). She went on to express her reason for this request. "I'm tired of people not looking up at *me* when I talk to them, Dad." Ahhh.. this was a deep human question coming from a 16 year old; an opportunity for lessons to be learned!
I could have blown this all off by simply telling her that when she is of age she could make her own decisions about that; and for now it was not something her folks were ready to consider. But these things always end up being something more. I was afraid her self-esteem would end up suffering somewhere down the line. So we talked about sincerity, understanding, guys, social attitudes, and personal appearance. We talked about reality... and expectations... and being self-confident. It was the proverbial quality time together.
She has never again asked that question because she has developed a pride in herself and how she looks.. and confidence in her natural instincts and social behavior. In the end my daughter asked a question that could have been answered with a simple yes or no. But what she was really asking was, "Help me, dad." I nearly missed the boat.
About The Author
Doug Burkland is degreed in the behavioral sciences and writes articles regarding family life, parenting, human sexuality, entrepreneurship, and current events. An aging baby boomer raised in the Mid-West and having liberal-conservative attitudes, Doug is an admitted 'survivor' of public education who thinks he has something to say that people might like to read; sometimes using a bit of healthy satire, mixed with friendly sarcasm, and at times tempered with thought provoking common sense. Along with being an entrepreneur (having had three businesses of his own), Doug has a broad perspective on balancing life and family.
http://www.dougburkland.com or email http://www.dougburkland.com
green cleaning service Park Ridge ..The wonderful adaptability of children in dealing with the challenges... Read More
I remember when my daughter was born, later my son.... Read More
In today's busy world, many parents have lost the art... Read More
I have three children, ages 19 and 16 (yes, the... Read More
Q. What is the best way to teach safety awareness... Read More
Parental example, whether for good or for bad, is undoubtedly... Read More
Although it's hard to say when the first stuffed dogs... Read More
1 - Forgive even if you will never be able... Read More
When planning a child birthday party, just a little bit... Read More
Each child carries a unique picture of the self, shaped... Read More
Yesterday my husband Wade took the day off (that's one... Read More
I used to have a really challenging job. It was... Read More
An Awesome Dad in by no means perfect. But that... Read More
As the kids go back to school, you can go... Read More
Self esteem in an important quality for all children to... Read More
My kids just can't get enough of playing games with... Read More
Reading to your child at a young age is one... Read More
An apology is a sign of strength, not weakness. Sometimes... Read More
All too often, children with learning disabilities are seen through... Read More
My cousin boasts five names and I confess that when... Read More
As with everything, names go through cycles of change with... Read More
When you're a parent it's a difficult decision to know... Read More
In my opinion, these things matter...1. Enjoying childlike delights before... Read More
Teens don't learn responsibility overnight. If you haven't been working... Read More
Recently, a parent came to me, conflicted over whether to... Read More
cleaning help near Bannockburn ..How many times have you flipped through the pages of... Read More
1. You reheated the same cup of coffee three times... Read More
Raising a pre-teen or teenage daughter (or son) is not... Read More
After giving up my profession to become a wife, a... Read More
Child tantrums are a way for children to express their... Read More
Arabella Greatorex, owner of The Natural Nursery, reports on the... Read More
I recall somewhere in the recesses of my aging brain... Read More
One of the challenges for parents with a gifted child... Read More
People always ask my wife and I: "How did you... Read More
One of the most prevalent problems of the computer age... Read More
You can learn a lot from children.The best part of... Read More
When you think about it, probably the one thing that... Read More
The successful preschool idea behind many successful preschool learning centers... Read More
We were sitting in the family room. My kids had... Read More
To have reasonable expectations of our children is an important... Read More
Perhaps I could make a lot of money by founding... Read More
Isn't it ironic that a country whose constitution allows for... Read More
I was reading "A Modern Infant Armada", a humor column... Read More
Ever blown your top to your children, only to regret... Read More
Do you have a wild child? Then this article may... Read More
Winifred or Willow? Thomas or Troy? The name you choose... Read More
You are at the grocery store with your daughter and... Read More
Just the other day my oldest son asked:"Daddy, am I... Read More
In stepfamilies, big holiday expectations can lead to big disappointment--and... Read More
Why Me?"We should certainly count our blessings, but we should... Read More
Parenting |