Learning obedience is an important part of child development. This is the tool that allows you as parents to train your child. Through obedience your child will learn self-control and develop other positive character traits that he will need as an adult.
However, obedience cannot be forced upon the child. Parents who simply command their children will foster resentment, which will eventually lead to rebellion. In fact, some researchers feel that poor parenting techniques contribute to the development of oppositional defiant disorderin some children. Although you can punish a child for not obeying, this will not foster any long-term obedience. When the child reaches his teen years and becomes more independent, punishment will only serve to destroy the already faltering parent child relationship.
Our goal then is not to force our children to obey us, but to get them to want to obey us. This willingness to obey will only come about if the parent's commands are based upon seven principles.
1-Loving Concern for the Child
A child knows quickly whether a parent's demands are for the sake of the child or for the personal convenience of the parent. If the parent's primary motive for giving orders is to make his own life easier, then the child learns to place his own interests first, also. If you want to be successful in raising your child, then your reason for giving orders must be for the benefit of your child. When your child senses that your demands are for his sake, he will much more readily obey you. He knows that it is for his own good. He will know that any demands made of him, no matter how unpleasant, come from a genuine concern for his welfare.
2-Sincere Respect for the Child
Parents must respect their children. This is a concept that is not well practiced by our society. Western society focuses on possessions. Somehow in the back of many parents' minds their children are counted among those possessions. We must remember that our children are not objects, but people. As people, they are deserving of respect. We must remember to give respect to our child to the same degree we would like others to respect us.
3-Patience
Very often our children do things that bother us. This is usually unintentional on their part and is just a reflection of their immaturity. However, if we show our children that we are annoyed they will begin to resent us. This resentment feeds their desire to rebel against our wishes. One of our goals as parents must be to try to keep our negative emotions in check.
4-Speak Softly
Nothing gains a child's cooperation more than a gentle tone of voice. Speaking softly helps us to control our negative emotions, especially anger. A soft voice soothes and is more likely to be met with cooperation. It creates a relaxed atmosphere and is reassuring to children.
When we speak in a soft voice it also conveys strength. We show our children that we are in control of the situation and not merely reacting to it. If the only step you take is to control the volume of your voice, particularly in stressful situations, that alone will foster better child compliance. You will find that everything around you goes more smoothly.
5-Make Moderate Demands
No one likes having demands placed upon him. Children are no different. Yet we are constantly commanding our children. We feel that as parents we must take steps to correct every misdemeanor that we see. When the orders become excessive or arbitrary the parent becomes more like a dictator that an educator.
If you place a lot of obligations on your child, then your child is going to resent and resist your authority. One of the most important steps in getting your child to listen to you is to reduce the amount of demands that you place upon him. This will require you to stay calm and overlook a lot of childish behavior. Commands should be made thoughtfully and be within reasonable limits. The general rule is that if a certain behavior is not something your child will be doing as an adult and if it is not dangerous, then you should not make it a priority to correct.
6-Follow Through
Even if you do all that has been mentioned so far, you will still need to give your child orders. When you do so, you must be firm and make sure that your child obeys. If you give your child an instruction you must insist that he fulfill it. Often it will be easier or more convenient to just overlook disobedience. This is the end will erode your authority as a parent.
You should only make moderate and well thought out demands on your child. However, when you do make those orders your child must fulfill them. If we want our children to take our words seriously, then we must show them that we are serious.
7-Be Free with 'Yes', but not with 'No'
We must try to grant every reasonable request our children make of us. They should feel that we are giving to them freely and in overflowing abundance at all times. You should make it a rule to give your child whatever he wants unless you have a good reason not to do so.
In addition, we should try to temper our use of 'no'. Try not to avoid saying 'no' whenever possible. For example, if your child wants to have a treat before dinner and you want him to eat first, rather than say 'no' or 'not now' say, 'yes, after dinner.' This small change in the way you use the words 'yes'and 'no' will change your child's perception from the feeling that most of his desires are being denied to that most of them are being granted.
Conclusion
It is natural for a child to want to obey his parents. It is also necessary for his proper growth and development. Applying these seven keys will help you to make it easier for your child to obey you. If you want to see how you are doing as a parent, see our Parenting Quiz at http://addadhdadvances.com/parentquiz.html.
If you want more information on ways that you can teach even the most difficult child to obey you, please see our Child Behavior Program at http://addadhdadvances.com/betterbehavior.html
Anthony Kane, MD is a physician and international lecturer. Get add adhd child behavior and treatment help for your ADHD child, including child behavior advice, information on the latest add adhd child behavior and treatment help, and help with add adhd child behavior and treatment help. Sign up for the free ADD ADHD dvances online journal. Send an email to: add adhd child behavior and treatment help?subject=subsaa
Culver prom limo ..There is a new stage of development for parents to... Read More
Ask any teacher or adolescent counselor what the most disturbing... Read More
If you're a single parent or a married couple on... Read More
As a hypnotherapist, I am acutely aware of the power... Read More
When a couple steps forth with a baby in tow... Read More
"Just turn the lights off and go to sleep"Do you... Read More
Dear friends here we will charge up our mind with... Read More
This is one of the most common questions asked of... Read More
Once the newness has worn off a little, you will... Read More
Choosing a good car seat for your child's protection is... Read More
Public education in the United States has never been equal... Read More
'How can I start getting my children to help out... Read More
There is no doubt that the benefits of being a... Read More
Researchers have estimated that 25-35% of children in the United... Read More
Children are notoriously bad at drinking enough liquids. They are... Read More
Dads, please let me encourage you to change some things... Read More
As the flurry of Back to School activities subside, parents... Read More
According to researchers, most children enter school with a good... Read More
Parents want their children to succeed in school. However, sometimes... Read More
During one "generation gap" quarrel with his parents young Michael... Read More
"Family Matters" was the headline that caught my attention in... Read More
Recently, our family had the opportunity to care for sisters'... Read More
"Setting the alarm on Sunday mornings is inhuman?..God should know... Read More
Your Virgo Baby..August 23 - September 22Virgo children are honest... Read More
As our children grow, they will be going to schools... Read More
Wood Dale limo ..Seven-year old Michael was on a school trip to a... Read More
IntroductionChildren are the gifts of God to parents. That young... Read More
Often, the struggle at dinnertime with your picky eater is... Read More
In elementary school it's pretty straightforward: bringing in cupcakes to... Read More
Q: A parent writes in to ask, "You write a... Read More
Lets face it becoming a mum is a bit of... Read More
The purpose of this article is to address some of... Read More
Coping with a child's bad behavior, perhaps more than any... Read More
Although, not a well publicized statistic, childhood obesity has more... Read More
Successful parents have learned to be both firm and kind... Read More
A fun way to build your child's imaginationWriting is still... Read More
How in the world do you get your child to... Read More
Would you hand a child calculus problems once she was... Read More
Mary, Mary, quite contrary, How does your garden grow? With... Read More
"Get down from the table top right now! What are... Read More
You are sitting with the professionals who know about learning... Read More
If you are a member of a stepfamily, you know... Read More
One of the most prevalent myths of our modern culture... Read More
On a recent Saturday evening, I noticed a young teen-age... Read More
Several similar terms describe the central attribute of a character... Read More
We want our children to do the right thing, especially... Read More
You send your child to school and the teachers teach... Read More
Many parental units are not "techies" and openly admit they... Read More
(Isaiah 11:6 KJV) The wolf also shall dwell with the... Read More
Child Safety Restraints and children in work vehiclesIf you take... Read More
Parenting |