"Not another meeting!"
That tends to be the reaction from many parents when they hear the M word mentioned. Parents tend to associate meetings with the workplace rather than families. Even at work, meetings tend to be tolerated rather than keenly anticipated.
My research and my anecdotal evidence suggest that families that have a process to share decisions and to resolve conflict have more cooperative kids and less open sibling disputes. To be truthful, I stopped talking about family meetings in my presentations some years ago as people's eyes tended to glaze over when I mentioned the M word.
But I am now 'talking up' the concept as many parents I have worked with in the past have remarked how useful they were in turning their families around from Me-centred to We-centred groups.
Family meetings are a useful way of unifying a family and developing a shared approach to its organization. They are based on the management principle that children like a say in how their family operates and that they are more likely to stick to rules and decisions that they have had a say in making rather than those imposed from above. In many ways, this is stating the bleeding obvious but we need a process to make this happen. That is where family meetings come in.
Following are ten basic keys for conducting family meetings:
1. They must be regular. Weekly or fortnightly meetings are ideal. If a parent calls a meeting when he or she wants then meetings just become a vehicle for mum or dad to get their point across rather than a means for children to participate in family-life.
2. Start when at least one child is five years of age. Children need the verbal and cognitive skills to participate. This varies but maybe around five years of age seems to be a good age to start.
3. Have an agenda. All good meetings need a chairperson and an agenda. Meetings are usually for one or more of four purposes:
a) Plan for family fun
b) Allocation of chores
c) Resolving conflicts between people
d) Discussion of family issues, procedures and routines. Parents need to be the initial chairperson but share the job around as children become more skilled.
4. Avoid overloading the agenda. You don't have to slavishly work through all these areas. Two or three items may be enough and avoid the meeting from becoming a whinge session.
5. Have a talk sock. Have an object such as a sock or doll that the children must hold if they are going to speak, which teaches them how to take turns. The speaker, whether adult or child, must be holding the special talk sock.
6. Start each meeting with encouragement. Parents can model this initially by saying things like, "Thanks Marta for cleaning your toys away after playing with them this week. It was great have the family room so clean." This helps set a positive tone and teaches kids how to encourage.
7. Finish with a pleasant activity. A concluding game or a story will help reinforce a meeting as an event to anticipate.
8. They must be real. While meetings should be fun they are not a game you play with kids. You must be able to live with decisions that are made so you must be realistic about what is discussed and decided upon.
9. Short and sharp, not long and dull. Don't allow them to become bogged down. Keep moving them along. I know some meetings that have only gone for eight or nine minutes, but that's fine if objectives were met.
10. It is the process that is important. Sometimes meetings break down and decisions aren't made as they have descended into chaos. That happens but don't abandon the concept if nothing concrete comes of a meeting or two. It is the process of meeting and talking rather than the outcomes that are important.
Regular family meetings are a powerful means of improving relationships and building cooperation between parents and children. They provide the means for children to share and accept responsibility, participate fully in family-life and work cooperatively for the benefit of the group ? their family.
Michael Grose http://www.parentingideas.com.au
Michael Grose is Australia's leading parent educator. The author of six books for parents, Michael gives over 100 presentations a year to parents in the corporate, community and education sectors. His website http://www.parentingideas.com.au is full of fresh ideas to help parents raise happy kids and resilient teenagers.
Culver prom limo ..Children think money grows on trees. Maybe not literally, but... Read More
You no longer have to use Ritalin or other stimulants... Read More
Summertime means insect bites and stings. Ouch! Take a leaf... Read More
Most people have more training before they receive their driver's... Read More
Why do some children still do best after divorce and... Read More
Using 14 "at" Flashcards To Teach Reading:This exercise helps your... Read More
The citizens of the early Roman Republic enjoyed an education... Read More
In the last 20 years we've all been introduced to... Read More
Are you considering a car wash fundraiser for your group?... Read More
Be aware. You may become totally overwhelmed when you get... Read More
Researched through personal experience!Budget Your Money. Even if you are... Read More
Q. When you consult with a family with teens, what... Read More
The biggest trick some child predators' are using these days... Read More
Often, the struggle at dinnertime with your picky eater is... Read More
"Hugging is healthy: it helps the body's immunity system, it... Read More
Are you feeling overwhelmed being a parent? Do you want... Read More
Traditionally, babies have been named at a christening/baptism.... Read More
Along with eating healthier we need to be more active.... Read More
Vacations and trips are great family events, but how do... Read More
Every now and then I'll get a story sent to... Read More
Mommy (Daddy), Why do those people want to hurt everyone?Last... Read More
Research published by University of Rochester neuroscientists C. Shawn Green... Read More
This time, I would like to talk about a subject... Read More
There are some grounds to assume that a cognitive dissonance... Read More
What you say and do about money has a profound... Read More
Wood Dale limo ..Everyone in a private practice setting who works with children... Read More
Having been a parent educator and a PBS consultant for... Read More
A sure way to double the joys of parenthood is... Read More
You do what you can to keep your little ones... Read More
By the time your children reach their teens, there is... Read More
People always ask my wife and I: "How did you... Read More
Children and teenagers are relentlessly bombarded with merchandise that entices.... Read More
Have you made your usual New Year resolutions? You know... Read More
Grandparents, what better way to stay close to your grown... Read More
"Good parents give their children Roots and Wings." --Jonas SalkThe... Read More
Something happened the other day that made me feel uneasy.... Read More
When a child wets the bed they worry. Children tend... Read More
In school, kids are encouraged to create, draw, color, paint... Read More
Your Virgo Baby..August 23 - September 22Virgo children are honest... Read More
Recently, our family had the opportunity to care for sisters'... Read More
For the most positive daycare experience for your child, partner... Read More
"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine,... Read More
In a consumer-driven society that broadcasts values you don't approve... Read More
'I felt great until I walked into the classroom -... Read More
Many research studies have shown the overall effectiveness of stimulant... Read More
Often, the struggle at dinnertime with your picky eater is... Read More
Many children are jittery on the first day of school.... Read More
Before my daughter was born my house was... Read More
Do you ever wonder what is behind the occasional nasty... Read More
Most teens go into the work world ill-prepared to manage... Read More
Parenting |