It is not the divorce but the conflict arising after divorce the culprit of most psychological-adjustment problems the children are having. So, how to stop the post-divorce parental conflict from bursting must be given a premium importance by parents who want to have a healthy, happy and successful divorced children.
First let us identify the source of most post-divorce parental conflict. It is only when we are able to identify exactly the source of most post-divorce parental conflict that we are able to stop.
It is said that building or maintaining regular communication with your 'ex' is one of the most important keys to successful divorce parenting. If there exist an ineffective communicating relationship between spouses, one may be left the other uninformed of the important matters relative to their children and thus often become the major source of new parental conflict.
Effective parenting after divorce requires effective communication. Even if spouses don't like each other, or disagree on many issues, they still have to work together as a team as far as their children are concerned. Both should know what's going on.
With stronger co-parenting communication, there will be less chance of misunderstandings and conflicts between the ex-spouses -- and a better chance of a healthy upbringing for the children.
Here are the five goals you can set to improve co-parenting communication:
1. Have a clear, consistent schedules and rules.
2. Keep each other abreast of any parenting-related developments or important issues.
3. Set an appointment to speak with your ex about any problems, then be polite but firm while trying to solve them.
4. Develop a trust level between each other.
5. Be civil and reasonable at all times.
To keep communication healthy, use these guidelines when you communicate in person with your 'ex'.
1. Be consistent. Make sure your facial expressions and body language are consistent with your words.
2. Relax. If your emotions become too overwhelming, learn to relax and breathe slowly or ask that the conversation be continued later. Leave if you have to.
3. Bring a friend. If in the past talking to your 'ex' has resulted in violence or verbal attack, take another person with you.
4. Back off. If your 'ex' is emotionally closed, back off. Keep on talking and explaining will get angry while your 'ex' gets irritated. Just wait for a better time or write a letter. Letters are a perfect option for communicating clearly and without emotions. They also allow the other person time to digest what you say.
5. Bounce it back. If your 'ex' attacks you verbally, reply, "I refuse to receive that. I need to be respected in this conversation and, if you're not able to do that right now, we should continue this later." Don't act snotty, superior, or self-righteous. Be kind. If your 'ex' continues to bait you into an argument, leave calmly and quietly.
Remember your children's welfare must always be your first priority. Think about the long-term effects on your children of everything you and your ex say and do. Follow the above goals and guidelines. Strive to improve your co-parenting communication then you can create the best possible co-parenting relation. Do all these for your children sake.
Copyright by Ruben Francia. All Rights Reserved.
Publishing Rights: You have permission to publish this article electronically, in print, in your ebook or on your website, free of charge, as long as the author's information and web link are included at the bottom of the article. The web link should be active when the article is reprinted on a web site or in an email. Minor edits and alterations are acceptable so long as they do not distort or change the content of the article.
About The Author
Ruben Francia is an author of an indispensable divorce parenting guide ebook, entitled "101 Ways To Raise Your 'Divorced' Children To Success". Discover the ways to raising healthy, happy and successful children even if you're divorced. Visit his web site at http://www.101divorceparenting.com; http://www.101divorceparenting.com
All children will likely have many different health problems during... Read More
Kitchens are where everything happens. It's not just where meals... Read More
Here we will come to know who are the most... Read More
Parents of teenagers frequently ask what can be done to... Read More
In the beginning, having children was just a byproduct of... Read More
Just a couple of years ago Annie helped her parents... Read More
How can two or three children in the same family... Read More
Last week in my newsletter, I mentioned that... Read More
What are we teaching our children about money? Hopefully something!I... Read More
Researched through personal experience!Budget Your Money. Even if you are... Read More
The time you will need to teach your children the... Read More
Here's the scene of communication with your child: your three-year-old... Read More
4 traps to avoidTrap 1 - Parents need to realize... Read More
As a parent you will be asked to assist with... Read More
Every year over one million parents have to talk to... Read More
It may seem obvious to many people why literacy is... Read More
The advances in science over the past century have been... Read More
Every week I write something about the stock market -... Read More
Kids today no longer live the kind of privileged lives... Read More
When is a person brilliant? When does a person show... Read More
We need a grass roots campaign targeted towards parents to... Read More
Parents are always looking for ways to open up the... Read More
If you are a parent, then more than likely you... Read More
1. Make stronger connections among individuals and, therefore, creates a... Read More
Over a number of years there have been issues raised... Read More
Q. We recently caught our son smoking pot, and we... Read More
It's a familiar scene: Kids screaming at each other, complaining... Read More
Single parents are not often thought of as good parents.I... Read More
Many parental units are not "techies" and openly admit they... Read More
Having been a parent educator and a PBS consultant for... Read More
My oldest boy is fifteen and was a real jerk... Read More
Impulsivity is one of the hallmarks of people with Attention... Read More
For the first year or two of life outside the... Read More
"What age should my child start school?"This is a common... Read More
When it comes to exams, or indeed any academic work,... Read More
KIDS AND THE NEWSMore than ever, children witness innumerable, sometimes... Read More
When I was pregnant, we knew that we had some... Read More
We know that ancient cultures and Indians and the like... Read More
Teenagers are a work-in-progress, and parenting teenagers can be tricky... Read More
How would you like to have more time? Of course... Read More
The teenage years are a crucial time in a child's... Read More
It's hard to explain to the uninitiated the changes that... Read More
Time management is an organisational concept traditionally associated with adults... Read More
I am writing this from the beautiful mountains of Western... Read More
I'll never forget my first lesson in a glider.I'd been... Read More
What one word best sums up summer fun? Water. I... Read More
Most people have more training before they receive their driver's... Read More
Many families, ours included, have learned that breakfast is eaten... Read More
The question I have for you drives right to the... Read More
Is there a way to build a robot to help... Read More
Parenting |