Q. We recently caught our son smoking pot, and we wonder whether he's doing more stuff. We have reason to believe he has been hiding drugs in his room, and we're wondering whether we should go into his room to see whether we can find anything. Some parents we've talked to say yes. Others say, "Don't invade his privacy because you will lose his trust." What do you think we should do?
A. Based on more than 25 years of working with teen-agers and families, I suggest:
Absolutely, yes, go check out his room.
I say this for at least three reasons:
1) It's your house.
You bought it. You pay the mortgage. You can go anywhere in the house you wish to go.
End of story.
2) You have reason to believe that there is something dangerous in your son's room.
If you knew there was a poisonous snake or a ticking bomb in his room, would you want to go in and get it out?
Of course.
You have reason to believe there is something both poisonous and explosive in his room.
Find out and get it out.
3) While you are correct to believe that trust is a crucial issue here, the trust between you already has been broken.
Your son broke it when he began to smoke pot and keep it from you. And in my experience, there is usually more that you do not know behind what you have already discovered.
Your first job is to get him safe, and then you can work on rebuilding the trust.
You can look through his room and then deal with him about whatever you find. Another way to look through his room is to do it with him, and then you get to deal with whatever you find as you find it.
Either way, he certainly won't like it much, but that is not the issue.
Visit parentingyourteenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on parentingyourteenager.com
Many children enjoy TV, and they can learn from it.... Read More
How can two or three children in the same family... Read More
Maryann is so focused she's blind. She's slipped over the... Read More
Research has shown that the present generation of children worldwide... Read More
When David was nine and Laura was twelve, the battles... Read More
One of the biggest milestones in our children's education is... Read More
Q. "What do you want to be when you grow... Read More
Joey steps away from his time out chair "I won't... Read More
Night Visits From Your ChildIn the middle of the night... Read More
Most of us really don't like it when someone is... Read More
Q: My husband and I are at a loss as... Read More
Thank you for all that you do in the classroom!... Read More
There's a new trend for party entertainment. It seems as... Read More
Is it possible to be using our children addictively?Anything that... Read More
If you're looking for toys that are both fun to... Read More
Some people can concentrate on an assignment, to the exclusion... Read More
An apology is a sign of strength, not weakness. Sometimes... Read More
Perhaps I could make a lot of money by founding... Read More
When a child is born, a new number is added... Read More
The ADD child exhibits a series of behaviors that are... Read More
Why do some children still do best after divorce and... Read More
So you're pregnant. Congratulations! Your life is about to change... Read More
There are times when my ideas of raising a child... Read More
Ah, potty training! Go to a local bookseller and you... Read More
Despite serious reductions in funding for arts programs in... Read More
In dealing with children with autism spectrum disorders, its all... Read More
1. You reheated the same cup of coffee three times... Read More
The hot new reality TV show "Nanny 911" has been... Read More
I'm sure many of you have heard that old Hallmark... Read More
Despite the theory that people have kids because they want... Read More
In speaking with parents a comment I frequently hear is... Read More
If you are currently homeschooling or considering homeschooling your child,... Read More
If You're Having Twins..is it double the headache, or double... Read More
"Good parents give their children Roots and Wings." --Jonas SalkThe... Read More
Having a babysitter take care of your kids is sometimes... Read More
It was no contest. Given a choice between a ball... Read More
In his recent newsletter "Happy Kids", parenting expert Michael Grose... Read More
Home-schooling provides children with a superior education. Parents can quickly... Read More
"I could have helped you if I would have known,... Read More
This time, I would like to talk about a subject... Read More
The initial state of happiness about an own child is... Read More
Non-compliance is the family therapist's big word for your child... Read More
Annie easily slipped into becoming the sole caregiver of her... Read More
For most children, it is easy to learn to read... Read More
We take it for granted that children know how money... Read More
The most common medications used in the treatment of Attention... Read More
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Results of the Spanking Poll on Rexanne.com: Voters - 233Percentage... Read More
Gift shops are a kid magnet and often a trip... Read More
If you are a parent, then more than likely you... Read More
Rule #1 Make Every Bite Count!Everything your child eats should... Read More
Parenting |