It was the homework that did it. Each night became a challenge in how I was going to get my son, a non-academic, to do his homework. I tried patience, encouragement, and teaching, all to no avail. I moved on to bribery, threats and punishment, still no success. Finally I tried anger, frustration and tears, but still no joy. At the end of my tether I knew it was time for a change.
Looking back on my behaviour I could see how I had changed from a calm, encouraging parent into a demanding, controlling tyrant. This was a true wake up call; I could not believe I had turned into the very thing I hated to see in others. I asked myself, "what is more important, homework or the relationship with my son?"
The parenting relationship is a tricky one; one that needs to continue to evolve over time. It is made doubly tricky by the fact that the child uses this relationship as a role model for future relationships. As a child they see that adults have the control and power in a relationship; as they grow into adolescents they want this control and power for themselves. No wonder there are so many battles between parents and teens.
However, the desire for control and power is also reflected between the teenagers themselves. Mixed with the self-centeredness left over from childhood and the need to belong, a potent mix is created; otherwise known as peer pressure. This pressure can take many forms, from daring someone to do something that you haven't got the courage to do, to manipulating someone to give you what you want. Standing up to this pressure, particularly from their close friends can be difficult,
Teenagers need to learn how to get their needs met but without resorting to using control, power or manipulation. Just as importantly they need to learn how to resist pressure from others. If parents can change the relationship they have with their teen so that each other's needs are dealt with using respect, understanding and appreciation, then teens can experiment and realise the benefits of such a relationship.
Fortunately, the tools required for such a relationship can be easily taught, although putting them into practice will take a little more effort. Just telling teens what to do rarely works so parents will need to initiate the change and use the tools with their teen. Once your relationship has changed with your teen, you will both be in a better position to tackle the other relationships in your teen's life.
How to Improve Your Relationship With Your Teen
Carol Shepley has been involved with teenagers for over 10 years and, as the parent of a teen herself, fully understands the pressures placed on parents and teens today. She now shares this knowledge and experience through her website http://www.howtohelpteens.com so that parents can help their teens become resilient, resourceful and responsible adults. Now offering a fun quiz so you can rate you listening skills.
The Theme from MASHI flipped the button on the remote... Read More
What is the mystery of motherhood? I know that when... Read More
"Get down from the table top right now! What are... Read More
My wife and I have been working on a video... Read More
Q. We recently caught our son smoking pot, and we... Read More
The formula is pretty straightforward: energy in/energy out. This is... Read More
Anorexia nervosa is a serious medical disorder that is statistically... Read More
Early childhood educators have called play "children's work". Many parents... Read More
Everyone in a private practice setting who works with children... Read More
It can be hard being a parent with a teen... Read More
Do you have a wild child? Then this article may... Read More
The No Child Left Behind Act of 2001 is making... Read More
Are you a frustrated parent who sometimes finds it is... Read More
There is nothing pleasant about failure, at least not at... Read More
1. New Word of the DayIntroduce your preschooler to a... Read More
If your parenting methods include abuse of any kind; physical,... Read More
"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine,... Read More
School authorities continually claim that they want more parent cooperation... Read More
Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her room... Read More
Checking accounts are an absolute necessity these days. You can... Read More
Under the "No Child Left Behind Act," public schools whose... Read More
Most parents can hardly wait for their baby to say... Read More
"Now don't you go getting any ideas, Harold.""Don't you get... Read More
Thank you for all that you do in the classroom!... Read More
The biggest trick some child predators' are using these days... Read More
Teaching kids to deal with conflict effectively and peacefully is... Read More
Impulsivity is one of the hallmarks of people with Attention... Read More
Whenever parents discuss how to deal with bed wetting, the... Read More
More and more parents are expressing their concerns about how... Read More
When planning a child birthday party, just a little bit... Read More
I am crying tears of joy mixed with great sadness... Read More
Everyone in a private practice setting who works with children... Read More
Here in Kansas, where we live, the leaves are turning... Read More
Moms, did you ever question your value as a role... Read More
Isn't the technology of today is amazing?! Between the speed... Read More
Voices!So many voices crying out for adherence and so many... Read More
For most children, it is easy to learn to read... Read More
Hey Parents! I hate to tell you, but there is... Read More
For parents, keeping our kids safe is a constant top... Read More
Look around: Your kids are counting sleeps until the last... Read More
When it comes to exams, or indeed any academic work,... Read More
The learning and development of Australian kids is under threat... Read More
In "The Ring Bear," a picture book by Tigard resident... Read More
Your daughter tells you that Uncle Charley has touched her... Read More
Many parents struggle to know which foods are healthy for... Read More
Q. We are getting to the stage with our kids... Read More
Can you draw a straight line? Most adults don't consider... Read More
Annie easily slipped into becoming the sole caregiver of her... Read More
Raising a pre-teen or teenage daughter (or son) is not... Read More
Drivers 16 years of age have little driving experience, putting... Read More
Parenting |