Teaching kids to deal with conflict effectively and peacefully is perhaps the biggest challenge facing adults today. Children's disagreements both at home and at school can be noisy, physical and psychologically hurtful. The approach to conflict resolution learned and practised in childhood often stays for life.
Conflict is part of daily living. Effective people resolve conflict in ways that protect relationships, honour feelings and lead to a resolution. They neither avoid conflict nor do they use power to dominate others or win conflict.
It is useful for parents to provide a process for children to resolve individual differences peacefully and effectively. When two children have a disagreement that is upsetting to one or either then they may need adult assistance to resolve the conflict. One process that is both easy to learn and highly effective is the Face-Up conflict resolution process that is a variation on some common processes in use.
In the Face-up process children face each other and maintain eye contact. This helps for greater openness and understanding. It generally requires an adult to be present as a third party so parents may need to stick around to make sure it works effectively.
The steps involved in the Face-up process:
1. Safety first: To ensure safety and integrity it is important that both children are calm. Give them time and some help to regain control if they are angry or upset.
2. Feelings second: Using I-messages children tell each other how they feel about the situation. "I feel awful when you don't share your toys. I really feel like losing it because it is not fair." Focus on the feelings and don't let it get into recriminations or accusations.
3. Repeat third: Sometimes this process is enough to get a resolution or at least an apology. Repeat this procedure if necessary so both children feel they have been heard.
4. Resolve fourth: State the problem as you see it or as children identify it. Sometimes children just want to state their case and they will make their own suggestion about resolving it. "You can play with my old toys but I don't want you playing with my new toys for a while. They're special." "Okay."
5. Make-up fifth: An apology or an agreement is often enough however sometimes damage may need to be repaired or a follow-up talk from a parent about better behaviour may be appropriate.
Teaching children some simple rules for resolving conflict and a process such as the one above may well be one of the best investments in time and energy that a parent will make.
Michael Grose is Australia's leading parenting educator. He is the author of six books and gives over 100 presentations a year and appears regularly on television, radio and in print.
For further ideas to help you raise happy children and resilient teenagers visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au. While you are there subscribe to Happy Kids newsletter and receive a free report Seven ways to beat sibling rivalry.
Lincoln Stretch rentals Alsip ..Choosing a good car seat for your child's protection is... Read More
"Will my doubts and fears affect my child?" This father... Read More
Children are notoriously bad at drinking enough liquids. They are... Read More
Self esteem in an important quality for all children to... Read More
Are men to blame for the divorce problem in this... Read More
Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More
Many parents struggle with solutions to put their child on... Read More
Why Me?"We should certainly count our blessings, but we should... Read More
Nothing touches the heartstrings of a parent more than the... Read More
Single parents are not often thought of as good parents.I... Read More
Many children are jittery on the first day of school.... Read More
Nurture and TeachThe single most important thing caregivers can do... Read More
Ever feel like you're out of the loop when it... Read More
In an actual war, to be attacked means to have... Read More
Everyone in a private practice setting who works with children... Read More
Reasearch into children's friendships shows that those children who are... Read More
Although many parents are concerned with our children's intelligence quotient... Read More
The learning and development of Australian kids is under threat... Read More
If you are a parent, then more than likely you... Read More
My name is Duncan and I'm 2 years old. I... Read More
Hints from Ruowen Wang? Keep a small basket filled with... Read More
Q. "What do you want to be when you grow... Read More
Here we will come to know who are the most... Read More
I WAS AMAZEDI could hardly believe what I was hearing.... Read More
Many public schools not only fail to educate our children,... Read More
Western Springs shuttle limo .."There is nothing new under the sun," states Ecclesiastes 1:9.... Read More
"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think... Read More
The cost of being a parent and raising a child... Read More
My neighbours' kid impressed me the other day.I was busy... Read More
The snow was getting heavier with each lift of the... Read More
Choosing a good car seat for your child's protection is... Read More
You can learn a lot from children.The best part of... Read More
Your child's teacher says that you need to find out... Read More
Incest is sexual activity, ranging from fondling to intercourse, between... Read More
In theory, working at home is an ideal situation. But... Read More
There is no doubt that the benefits of being a... Read More
Economist John Kenneth Galbraith has said that more people die... Read More
We want our children to do the right thing, especially... Read More
We've got spirit, yes we do! We've got spirit how... Read More
Everyone loves penguins. And now, everyone has a chance to... Read More
One of the most difficult struggles in life for a... Read More
1. They can make mistakes under your guidance2. They will... Read More
Here are fourteen spontaneous time-outs, specially designed to help you... Read More
Learning obedience is an important part of child development. This... Read More
"I could have helped you if I would have known,... Read More
Because most teens have not had the experience of getting... Read More
Once the newness has worn off a little, you will... Read More
Compulsory attendance laws are school authorities' first assault on parental... Read More
If your child is to derive the benefits of physical... Read More
Whether we realize it or not we teach our children... Read More
Parenting |