Home
>
Parenting
>
Parenting Your Teenager: But everyone else gets to do it!

Parenting Your Teenager: But everyone else gets to do it!

Q. We are getting to the stage with our kids where they are becoming teen-agers and are asking for more and more privileges. When we believe we need to say ``no,'' our daughter says, ``But everyone else gets to do it. Why can't I?'' We get stuck. We don't want to be too strict or too lenient. How do we handle this stage?

A. That's a really good question, because many parents get baffled by the everyone-else-gets-to-do-it-why-can't-I maneuver.

My own parents' answer to my ``David gets to do it. Why can't I?'' was this: ``If David stood on his head in the middle of the street in his underwear at 3 in the morning, would you?'' I probably would have. And I never did figure out what that answer had to do with wanting to go to the movies.

Anyway, what my parents had stumbled onto with this saying of theirs was that they were simply not going to get hooked by the bait I was giving them.

Trying to argue against the everyone-else-gets-to-do-it maneuver is a no-win situation.

This is because many teen-agers are 15 going on 25 and 15 going on 5, all at the same time. Parents are faced with an I-want-what-I-want-when-I-want-it 5-year-old with the brains of a young adult who can put together a fairly convincing argument.

Master Manipulators

This combination is part of what makes teen-agers what I call ``master manipulators.''

What happens is this:

Parents get hooked into the manipulation by believing that ``why can't I?'' is a legitimate question worthy of a legitimate answer.

But the reality is this:

There is no answer you could give that would make your teen-ager say, ``Hey, that's a really good reason! Thanks for sharing it with me. Now I no longer want to do what I was asking about.''

It just doesn't happen.

Another way to handle the everyone-else-gets-to line is to check it out.

Call up the parents of your teen-ager's friends and see if they really do get to do all these things. Chances are the real story will be different from the one you are hearing at home.

Visit secretsofgreatrelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Lincoln Stretch rentals Alsip ..

In The News:

The rollout of Apple's iOS 17 brought a subtle "Rebound" notification tone that's gotten some criticism. Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explains a fix.

Fitness centers and workout studios are starting to establish policies that prohibit shooting phone videos to protect people's privacy.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents

Apple recently notified a small number of iPhone customers in 92 countries that their phones may be under attack by mercenary spyware.

An artificial intelligence-powered home security system can fire paintballs and tear gas at trespassers. The camera identifies human faces and animals.

Technology expert Kim Komando gives her tips and tricks on enhancing your user experience a smartphone and other devices you use everyday.

A new camera called NUCA uses artificial intelligence to create deepfake photos of subjects by stripping away clothing in close to real time.

The Kimberley Kube trail-ready camper has a compact but spacious design and combines luxury, functionality and ruggedness for a weekend getaway.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Emails instructing you to reset your password for an account may be legitimate, or they may be scams. Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explains.

Northrop Grumman's Manta Ray uncrewed underwater vehicle aims to revolutionize undersea missions — it glides through the ocean without human assistance.

Learn how to work Google's calendar application to streamline and organize your daily tasks from technology expert Kim Komando.

If you do not want Facebook to have automatic access to your private photos, follow our tips to protect yourself. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson shows you how.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson goes into detail about Apple’s recent iOS update that allows iPhone users to instantly translate spoken language simply by using the Action Button.

Safeguarding your digital life with a reliable physical backup isn't just a precaution, it's a necessity. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson provides the essential backup checklist.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals how a Redditor exposed false recycling claims at their apartment, highlighting a report that only 21% of U.S. recyclables are processed.

Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson offers a travel toolkit featuring five technology tools to help you with booking flights and hotels for your summer vacation.

The bubble behind the clock on your iPhone can appear in different colors. Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explains what each of those colors mean.

Scammers are using the power of artificial intelligence to mimic voices of people and are using the fake voices to commit crimes, like kidnappings.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Tech guru Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explains the science behind the Invisibility Shield, a 6-foot shield that makes people become invisible.

The International Olympic Committee on Friday announced plans to use AI in various Olympic aspects, including athlete identification, training and judging.

Tech guru Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explains an easy trick to avoid squinting while working or surfing the web by zooming in on your personal computer.

Streaming giant Roku has recently been targeted by a pair of cyberattacks, and the company confirmed over a half million Roku accounts were compromised.

The Land Aircraft Carrier combines an all-terrain, six-wheeled vehicle with a two-seat aircraft, which features electric vertical takeoff and landing.