Encouragement comes when you focus on your child's assets and strengths in order to build his/her self-confidence. It comes from seeing the positive. Even failures can be outstanding learning experiences. Encouragement sounds like this, "I like the way that you did that," or "I know that you can do it," or, "It looks like you worked very hard at that."
Encouragement is NOT giving compliments for work poorly done, but under those circumstances it IS inspiring your child to work harder and do better. "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up, according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." -St. Paul (Eph. 4:29)
Ultimately self-confidence comes from having accomplished things worth being proud of. Reserve praise for things well done. Where encouragement is given for effort, praise is given for accomplishment. Just say, "That's a good start, keep at it," when the work is not yet worthy of praise.
Accept your child for who he or she is. If you expected that your baby would grow into an Olympic athlete with an IQ of 148, and instead he or she is "average" then you might be very disappointed as a parent (most children are "average," which is why they call it "average."). Disappointment is often turned into anger, or at least frustration. If your child cannot live up to your expectations and dreams for him or her (and why should they?) then please be careful of your emotions. If you are not careful, your own dreams and expectations for your child will become a wedge between you and your child. Please don't make your love, encouragement, or acceptance, dependent on their performance or behavior.
Teach Responsibility to your children. Let them try things and let them fail once in a while. Don't keep bailing them out. Victory only tastes sweet if we taste the bitterness of failure once in a while. Trust me, the dog's not going to starve if he misses a meal or two. The newspaper won't come to run a story on your family if your child fails to make his bed once in a while. Just use these occasions to remind your child that if his or her dog is going to ever eat again, he needs to get out there and feed it (assuming that's your child's job), and that he or she is an important member of your home and that he needs to be responsible with doing his chores.
Make the consequences for not being responsible fit the crime. And of course be sure to reward/praise your child when he/she does act responsibly. Behavior that is rewarded tends to reoccur, and behavior that is ignored tends to go away -- so always reward and praise responsible behaviors.
Douglas Cowan, Psy.D., is a family therapist who has been working with ADHD children and their families since 1986. He is the clinical director of the ADHD Information Library's family of seven web sites, including http://www.newideas.net, helping over 350,000 parents and teachers learn more about ADHD each year. Dr. Cowan also serves on the Medical Advisory Board of VAXA International of Tampa, FL., is President of the Board of Directors for KAXL 88.3 FM in central California, and is President of NewIdeas.net Incorporated.
Culver prom limo ..Ritalin has been shown through the years to be very... Read More
KIDS AND THE NEWSMore than ever, children witness innumerable, sometimes... Read More
Many times, we are so conditioned in how we speak... Read More
Search for Assurance: The Power of BelongingThe job hunt is... Read More
Many people still think that the game of chess is... Read More
Not all parents subscribe to the notion of "tough love,"... Read More
Just as every snowflake is unique, so is every child.... Read More
Bedtime and children's sleep habits can cause nightmares - for... Read More
A parent writes in, ``We are having a hard time... Read More
Using 14 "at" Flashcards To Teach Reading:This exercise helps your... Read More
So, the thing is? I am feeling a little guilty.I... Read More
Teri was 5. As younger siblings do, she looked up... Read More
Q. "What do you want to be when you grow... Read More
Having a baby is one of the most exciting times... Read More
"He is happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds... Read More
For several years now, I've told the following story as... Read More
Plus size children and overweight children need patterns and clothing... Read More
The purpose of this article is to address some of... Read More
Parents of hyperactive children know the "Would you please just... Read More
I had my first two children on either side of... Read More
There are only two ways to get more money:1) Increase... Read More
1. STOP focusing on what you are going to make... Read More
A growing body of scientific evidence shows that the way... Read More
Home-schooling removes children from public school. That alone makes home-schooling... Read More
According to the American Sleep Association 70% of all babies... Read More
Wood Dale limo ..I've often thought that in 6 million years, archaeologists will... Read More
Grandparents, what better way to stay close to your grown... Read More
The small, lilac colored hexagonal box, with Winnie the Pooh... Read More
As a mom of 4 who's youngest child is about... Read More
The formula is pretty straightforward: energy in/energy out. This is... Read More
According to a September 2004 study by the RAND Corporation,... Read More
Congratulations on your new baby! You have just brought your... Read More
What Children Look for in a Friend?Is this child fun... Read More
While most fathers aspire to become the best Dads they... Read More
It was a day that I will forever be etched... Read More
Our back-to-school buying habits do not help kids succeed in... Read More
Not too long ago my teenage daughter approached me with... Read More
We were sitting in the family room. My kids had... Read More
When our oldest son was 2, my wife went out... Read More
One fantastic way to get your children involved in what... Read More
What's hard for teenagersHaving people who don't understand you trying... Read More
Although nothing anybody says can ever completely prepare a woman... Read More
How in the world do you get your child to... Read More
Imagine having no television for an entire season. Such was... Read More
Not Letting Them Think.We all implicitly know that anything questioning... Read More
The Real Dangers to Kids Online and How to Avoid... Read More
Those of you that have children know what an excursion... Read More
My name is Duncan and I'm 2 years old. I... Read More
Who Can Register A Birth? The child's mother... Read More
1. Make stronger connections among individuals and, therefore, creates a... Read More
Parenting |