Home
>
Parenting
>
Unilateral Disarmament - The First Step to Improving Communications with Your Teenagers

Unilateral Disarmament - The First Step to Improving Communications with Your Teenagers

Many times, we are so conditioned in how we speak that we do not realize whether or not we are effectively communicating with our teens. This is especially true when they upset us.

To ensure that you are fostering an environment that will encourage your teenager to talk to you, as opposed to fearing you, the first step is to evaluate your communication style. How you express yourself and what you say to your teens, especially when you are angry, can inhibit your relationship with them. Reacting by shouting short sarcastic phrases will usually turn off most people, including our teenagers.

The following are twelve examples of statements and questions that you should avoid saying:

1. When I was your age

2. What part of the word "NO" don't you understand

3. Because I said so

4. Who pays the mortgage around here?

5. You're NOT going out dressed like that

6. What do you see in him, you can do better

7. You kids have it so easy today

8. I didn't say that

9. You live under my roof, you live by my rules

10. Are you PMSing?

11. When are you going to grow up?

12. This conversation is over

Activity:

Think through the things that you say that are similar to the above, and create a list. Then, meet with your teen and ask her for her input. Explain that you are doing this because you love her and want her to trust you and to not fear coming to you to discuss things that are important to her. Go over the list and then ask your teen to add any statements that you may have missed. For example, you can say, "Tell me the things that I say to you that you feel are hurtful; or prevent you from wanting to talk to me about important issues." Add them to the list and make a mental note of them. Then, ask your teen to tell you when you react to her behavior and use any of those phrases. Stress that improved communications is a "two way street" and you are going to do your part to make things better. Then add that you also expect her to do her part, as it will take both your efforts to improve communications.

What to do

Remember to have a "thick skin" and thank her for her feedback when she provides it ? even if you are angry. The best way to change this reactionary behavior is to try and think before you react, and talk more constructively to your teenager. Think of how you would have to react at work if a subordinate or coworker did something to upset you. As angry as you might be, you would strive to act professional because your job depended on it. If you do react and your daughter brings it to your attention, thank her and then discuss the issue more constructively because your relationship depends on it.

You also need to set guidelines with your teen, instead of making rigid rules that will alienate her and create a vicious cycle of poor communicating and hard feelings.

Unilateral disarmament is the first step in demonstrating to your teen that you are serious about improving communications with her. When you lead by example, you are establishing the foundation and setting your expectations. This works better that a "do as I say, not as I do!" reactionary approach which causes your teen to be more rebellious.

This article is an excerpt from the book "Realizing the Power of Love," How a father and teenage daughter became best friends...and you can too, coauthored by V. Michael Santoro and his teenage daughter Jennifer S. Santoro. For more information visit their Web site: http://www.dads-daughters.com/

Culver prom limo ..

In The News:

Fitness centers and workout studios are starting to establish policies that prohibit shooting phone videos to protect people's privacy.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents

Apple recently notified a small number of iPhone customers in 92 countries that their phones may be under attack by mercenary spyware.

An artificial intelligence-powered home security system can fire paintballs and tear gas at trespassers. The camera identifies human faces and animals.

Technology expert Kim Komando gives her tips and tricks on enhancing your user experience a smartphone and other devices you use everyday.

A new camera called NUCA uses artificial intelligence to create deepfake photos of subjects by stripping away clothing in close to real time.

The Kimberley Kube trail-ready camper has a compact but spacious design and combines luxury, functionality and ruggedness for a weekend getaway.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Emails instructing you to reset your password for an account may be legitimate, or they may be scams. Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explains.

Northrop Grumman's Manta Ray uncrewed underwater vehicle aims to revolutionize undersea missions — it glides through the ocean without human assistance.

Learn how to work Google's calendar application to streamline and organize your daily tasks from technology expert Kim Komando.

If you do not want Facebook to have automatic access to your private photos, follow our tips to protect yourself. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson shows you how.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson goes into detail about Apple’s recent iOS update that allows iPhone users to instantly translate spoken language simply by using the Action Button.

Safeguarding your digital life with a reliable physical backup isn't just a precaution, it's a necessity. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson provides the essential backup checklist.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals how a Redditor exposed false recycling claims at their apartment, highlighting a report that only 21% of U.S. recyclables are processed.

Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson offers a travel toolkit featuring five technology tools to help you with booking flights and hotels for your summer vacation.

The bubble behind the clock on your iPhone can appear in different colors. Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explains what each of those colors mean.

Scammers are using the power of artificial intelligence to mimic voices of people and are using the fake voices to commit crimes, like kidnappings.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Tech guru Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explains the science behind the Invisibility Shield, a 6-foot shield that makes people become invisible.

The International Olympic Committee on Friday announced plans to use AI in various Olympic aspects, including athlete identification, training and judging.

Tech guru Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explains an easy trick to avoid squinting while working or surfing the web by zooming in on your personal computer.

Streaming giant Roku has recently been targeted by a pair of cyberattacks, and the company confirmed over a half million Roku accounts were compromised.

The Land Aircraft Carrier combines an all-terrain, six-wheeled vehicle with a two-seat aircraft, which features electric vertical takeoff and landing.

The European Union has sent TikTok a "request for information" on the video sharing platform's newest app, TikTok Lite, under the Digital Services Act, with the aim to clean up social media.

Unilateral Disarmament - The First Step to Improving Communications with Your Teenagers

Parenting