Becoming a stepmother can undoubtedly be one of the most challenging, yet rewarding, experiences in a woman's life.
Every family's circumstances are certainly different in some ways. There are numerous uncontrollable factors, which will inevitably effect your relationship with your stepchildren, like: whether the children have a living biological mother; whether they have any contact with their biological mother; how long ago and why their biological parents are no longer together; etc...
Consider the following seven suggestions to help you be the best stepmom you can be...
1) Remember that they are not YOUR children. You do not automatically become equal to their father in any way - particularly when it comes to discipline, enforcing rules etc... Discuss your role in their lives with their father and then with them. Let him tell them how he expects them to interact with you. (For example: Your husband may say that his children must listen to you just the same as they listen to him... or He may decide that he is the still the primary care-giver, law-maker, rule-enforcer...) Make sure he is fair to you and them, so you do not become the instant "enemy."
2) Make time for your stepchildren. Show an interest in their daily lives - how they're doing in school, what they do after school, their hobbies at home, etc... Get involved with their social life, sporting events, extracurricular activities IF they want you to. Do not try too hard or push yourself into their life. And definitely do not pry into their business.
3) Do not break their trust in you. Develop an open line of communication by talking to them and respecting their wishes. If they ask you not to tell their father something they've shared with you, DO NOT betray their confidence by running to him. (Unless of course, it is something critical that he must know and then ask him not to tell the kids that you were the person who told him...)
4) Be yourself. Develop a totally unique relationship with your stepchildren - in a way that does not try imitate their mother. Do not try to be like her or to replace her.
5) Never talk badly about the children's mother in front of them. Try to establish some level of communication with her if she is still involved in their life. It can help the kids tremendously if you and their mother get along. And it can hurt them deeply if you don't.
6) Have patience. Do not expect miracles to occur overnight. This is not an "instant" happy family... But if you try to make the transition a pleasant one and create an positive living environment, time will do the rest.
7) Remember that you are the "outsider." They did not choose you. Their father did. Their standards are probably extremely rigid. You are the adult. They are children and you have to earn their love and respect.
Resource Box - ? Danielle Hollister (2004) is the Publisher of BellaOnline Quotations Zine - A free newsletter for quote lovers featuring more than 10,000 quotations in dozens of categories like - love, friendship, children, inspiration, success, wisdom, family, life, and many more. Read it online at - http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art8364.asp
In theory, working at home is an ideal situation. But... Read More
In the last few years, parents started getting more and... Read More
Those of you that have children know what an excursion... Read More
Did you know that the school system is only able... Read More
Vinegar or honey, what do kids really want? "Toys, candy,... Read More
Who Can Register A Birth? The child's mother... Read More
The Greatest Gifts in Life, which are always created for... Read More
As mothers, we play so many different roles and most... Read More
When kids try new things, sometimes it's a 'fit' and... Read More
Frankly, as a single parent of young children, I struggled.... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 31,... Read More
Sometimes a change of perspective can make a huge difference... Read More
If your child has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder then at... Read More
It was no contest. Given a choice between a ball... Read More
Jason Roberts listened to his son's explanation of the missing... Read More
Winnie the Pooh is the classic picture of Inattentive ADHD.... Read More
A tall, weary-looking mother with glasses, walked into my counseling... Read More
Perhaps I could make a lot of money by founding... Read More
Angie was brought up by rigid, authoritarian parents who kept... Read More
This is the third and final article in a series... Read More
"Where did he come up with that?" Kids often amaze... Read More
Did you know there's a game children and parents play... Read More
The question I have for you drives right to the... Read More
We know that ancient cultures and Indians and the like... Read More
As with everything, names go through cycles of change with... Read More
Des Moines rental limo ..Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her room... Read More
Teaching kids to deal with conflict effectively and peacefully is... Read More
This can be a very complicated issue, so I don't... Read More
Giving advice to a teenager is very easy; getting a... Read More
You've just received a call from your child's teacher. As... Read More
The biggest complaint you hear from parents about their children... Read More
According to researchers, most children enter school with a good... Read More
Although it's hard to say when the first stuffed dogs... Read More
There isn't a school day that goes by that I... Read More
Join a growing number of parents and teachers!Fact: Last year,... Read More
No matter how old your children are, you have an... Read More
Who lives in your house? Are they driving you "crazy?"... Read More
Researchers have estimated that 25-35% of children in the United... Read More
Chiladult? Whatever you call them, teenagers are a changin' and... Read More
No matter what you say or do, your kids will... Read More
There are many reasons for treating your twins as individuals... Read More
Parental Alienation Syndrome was probably first identified and codified by... Read More
How should one look upon Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)... Read More
Home schooling. What is it? What does it mean to... Read More
"All that I am or ever hope to be, I... Read More
Thank you for all that you do in the classroom!... Read More
Coping with a child's bad behavior, perhaps more than any... Read More
Did you know that many people retire broke?It's true. After... Read More
Fall marks the beginning of many new things both for... Read More
When a child is born, a new number is added... Read More
Parenting |