There are few thoughts as terrifying as the abduction of your young child by a stranger. The fear causes parents to think long and hard about their children's safety. They tell them in a very clear voice, "Do not to talk to strangers."
The problem is though, that a child's view of a stranger is very different from a parent's view. From the child's perspective, because a stranger is someone they are supposed to be afraid of, they expect a stranger to look ugly or scary. In fact, few, if any strangers actually look like the child's notion. Then to make matters more confusing for children, we teach then to respect and listen to their elders and be polite. Then as role models, children see us talk to people we have never met before, day in and day out.
So young children get it and will not to talk to strangers. They will very willingly avoid scary looking people. However, when confronted by a friendly, kind looking older person, they will likely respond politely, which in most cases means "speaking when spoken to" and as they are taught in school, they will follow their directions.
Helping young children not to talk to strangers or not go with them, takes much more than the simple admonishment, "Don't talk to strangers."
Parents who want to increase the likelihood that their child will avoid or leave from persons unknown must spend a good amount of time talking about the issue and teaching their children on an ongoing basis. These tips may help:
Managing your child's safety, in your absence is truly a scary thought for most parents. We do not want to put undue fear in our children, but we do want to keep them from harm. It is important to understand how our own behaviour may contradict what we want children to do when approached by people they do not know. We have to talk about the difference between what parents may do and what children may do. Only parents may touch the stove? only parents talk to strangers.
Finally, in addition to teaching who NOT to talk to, we must also teach, who they CAN talk to. If for instance, your child is lost in the store, who can they talk to? Develop a list of safe persons your child can talk to ? even if they do not know them. The list may include police, fireman, teachers and even cashiers in stores. Remember keeping children safe is an ongoing discussion and not a simple one-time set of rules.
Keep talking with them to keep them safe.
Gary Direnfeld, MSW
garydi@sympatico.ca
905 628-4847
Gary Direnfeld is a social worker and expert on matters of family life. He is in private practice, writes and provides workshops and is the developer of the "I Promise Program" ? teen safe driving initiative. Search his name on GOOGLE.COM to view his many articles. Feel free to call him for your next conference and for expert opinion on family matters. Courts in Ontario consider Gary an expert on child development, marital and family therapy, custody and access recommendations and social work.
Buy the book: To order Direnfeld's book, Raising Kids Without Raising Cane, send a cheque or money order in the amount of $12.00 to: Interaction Consultants, 20 Suter Crescent, Dundas, Ontario, Canada L9H 6R5
Parents of new teen drivers are encouraged to check out this teen safe driving program: garydi@sympatico.ca
Did you know that inconsistency on matters of discipline gives... Read More
There are millions of young children in this country who... Read More
Parents are in a unique position to "monitor" their children's... Read More
We are all familiar with the stories that most students... Read More
As I sit here and reflect on the past two... Read More
Have you ever watched your teenager make a mistake (that... Read More
Anorexia nervosa is a serious medical disorder that is statistically... Read More
How in the world do you get your child to... Read More
Although many children are picky eaters at some stage in... Read More
Many public schools not only fail to educate our children,... Read More
Single parents are not often thought of as good parents.I... Read More
Children do what feels good to them and follow their... Read More
Is there anything wrong with lying, cheating, stealing, shop-lifting, taking... Read More
The learning and development of Australian kids is under threat... Read More
While youth gangs are nothing new -- they've been traced... Read More
The First Reason: For one thing, child development experts are... Read More
Bath time can be fun or it can be a... Read More
One of the basic issues we need to understand is... Read More
1. Diapers (5 -7 is a fairly safe supply)2. Wipes3.... Read More
What are we teaching our children about money? Hopefully something!I... Read More
Incest is sexual activity, ranging from fondling to intercourse, between... Read More
Yesterday my husband Wade took the day off (that's one... Read More
It is human nature to feel competitive and envious toward... Read More
When a child wets the bed they worry. Children tend... Read More
Would you like your child to be the best that... Read More
Let's face it.The job market is getting tougher every day.Computerization... Read More
"All that I am or ever hope to be, I... Read More
Q. With another school year starting, we are not sure... Read More
Not so long ago a dad-to-be would pace up and... Read More
It is hard to believe that summer is coming to... Read More
Under the "No Child Left Behind Act," public schools whose... Read More
Does your child pout, blame and brood? Does he gripe,... Read More
Although it's hard to say when the first stuffed dogs... Read More
All children will likely have many different health problems during... Read More
When you hear the phrase, 'guerrilla parenting techniques', what images... Read More
1. They are leaders as well as parents. They don't... Read More
In today's mental health system there is a pattern of... Read More
Imagine you were the principal of the school that your... Read More
On one of her quarterly visits to see her grandson,... Read More
Search for Assurance: The Power of BelongingThe job hunt is... Read More
If you had to spend 4 or 5 hours in... Read More
Predicament:My son is 4 1/2 years old. His younger brother... Read More
What would it be like to have a clone? What... Read More
Is there a difference between lazy and unmotivated? Why do... Read More
Q. Things have been relatively calm and OK with our... Read More
Many children who suffer from the psychological effects of child... Read More
Child care costs are are one of the most expensive... Read More
Q. How do I overcome the 16-year-old who does things... Read More
In the last few years, parents started getting more and... Read More
I am in pain. I've been in pain all day.... Read More
Parenting |