When my daughter was born, I must admit there was a distinctly different feeling to it. Part of me was thrilled, but part of me was unsure of how to deal with a gender I still couldn't quite understand.
When my son was born, there was a clear sense that this was territory that I knew: there will be wrestling, playing ball together, playing with cars and, he has a penis! There was a sense of security from all of this and a deep sense of knowing.
Raising a daughter creates different issues for many fathers; it is even more challenging considering the cultural landscape that exists today.
To better understand these issues, it is helpful to explore the expectations of girls that we have as fathers, many of which may be expectations handed down from our own fathers.
Some men feel a strong need to control their daughters, and expect them to act "nice" at all times.
Others shower their daughters with all of the gifts and "things" that they'll ever need, seeing them as weaker than boys (therefore not encouraging strength and discipline in them).
It's easy for fathers to treat their sons and daughters differently. They can be rough-and-tumble with their sons?but treat their daughters with kid gloves. This opportunity to wrestle or to play physically with your daughters is extremely important, because it shows them that you believe they are capable enough to handle it. (If your daughter is eighteen, it's probably not a good idea to start now.)
The cultural messages we get are that girls and young women are valued for being beautiful, thin, talented, etc. Girls should also be happy, agreeable and eager to please. This cultural backdrop may be partly responsible for the alarming statistics concerning rates of depression, anorexia, bulimia, and other disorders for girls when they are approaching or have entered their teen years.
So how can fathers overcome some of these Barriers and help create daughters who become strong, secure women?
If fathers want their daughters to grow up to be strong and secure women, it is absolutely essential that they like women and that they respect them.
No matter how negative and pervasive the cultural messages are, your daughter's self-esteem is greatly impacted by your attitude. If fathers think that women are weaker and need protection, they will tend to raise daughters who are weak and dependent.
To a significant degree, your daughter's success in life and in love is in your hands.
As fathers go through the process of raising daughters, they may have to question everything they thought they knew about the sexes and the difference between men and women. How is it that you learn about these things?
You learn by allowing your daughters to teach you about them every day. You learn by not attempting to control or protect your daughters. You learn by opening up your hearts, and not having the answers all of the time for your daughters (or your sons).
If you can allow your daughters to enjoy being female as much as you enjoy being male, you've taken a big first step. If you can also allow your daughter to make most of her own decisions, you will probably enjoy a great relationship with her. You will also know a lot more about women than you did before.
Here are some action points for fathers with their daughters:
? Fully explore your expectations for your daughter. See where you may be too controlling in her life, or are overly protecting her.
? Create special times with your daughter each week, one-on-one, when you can ask her questions about her life and become more fully aware of who she is. Make this time sacred and let her know it's important to you.
? Expect your daughter to be strong and competent; she'll know that you do and will respond accordingly.
? If your daughter is a teen-ager or close to it, explore your attitude about your daughter's sexuality; many fathers are uncomfortable with this and leave their daughters emotionally when they need them the most.
? Be a great model for how men treat women in your relationship with your wife.
? Talk to other fathers who have had daughters, and find out how they have dealt with the challenges of raising a daughter.
Your daughter is depending on your healthy attitude to help her to navigate a culture that is not always positive for girls.
Take a step back and examine your view towards women and girls. Are there changes you want to make?
Your daughter will help you to make those changes if you'll just listen.
Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches busy parents by phone to balance their life and improve their family relationships. For a FREE twenty minute sample session by phone; ebooks, courses, articles, and a FREE newsletter, go to http://www.markbrandenburg.com or email him at http://www.markbrandenburg.com.
experienced cleaning professionals Northbrook ..Have you made your usual New Year resolutions? You know... Read More
Ok. So you're a dad to be. If you're like... Read More
Many of us have grown up drinking caffeinated diet sodas... Read More
Finding answers to a child's underachievement is often a difficult... Read More
The word no is probably the most overused word in... Read More
Child support is defined as that part of your income... Read More
A learning disability is defined as a permanent problem that... Read More
Your daughter tells you that Uncle Charley has touched her... Read More
Public-school teaching is structured in such a way that it... Read More
When growing up, my father frequently reminded me to "pay... Read More
There are few thoughts as terrifying as the abduction of... Read More
There is little doubt that reading, 'riting and 'rithmetic are... Read More
Did you know that you are the most important person... Read More
Successful families don't just happen. They take time, talent and... Read More
What exactly makes safety glasses different from regular glasses? There... Read More
The least flexible character in all of the stories of... Read More
Some children practically potty train themselves, while others struggle and... Read More
Recently, our family had the opportunity to care for sisters'... Read More
Did you know that the school system is only able... Read More
When planning a child birthday party, just a little bit... Read More
If you were to ask 100 parents why they think... Read More
Minus all meningitis thoughts. The flu symptons were strong. Headache,... Read More
Dads, please let me encourage you to change some things... Read More
Although, not a well publicized statistic, childhood obesity has more... Read More
Dear Vijay,I worry about not being a good parent. My... Read More
best value cleaning service Northbrook ..It's been said, time and again, that for a child... Read More
Think back to your own childhood. Chances are, some of... Read More
Is there a difference between lazy and unmotivated? Why do... Read More
Many parents would like to homeschool their children but are... Read More
Salon visits can be scary experiences for small children: They... Read More
I recall somewhere in the recesses of my aging brain... Read More
"Not another meeting!"That tends to be the reaction from many... Read More
Depending on where you live school will be starting this... Read More
Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her room... Read More
I thought I was the only one in the world... Read More
By not planning for the future we guarantee that we... Read More
While youth gangs are nothing new -- they've been traced... Read More
WHEN AN INJURY HAPPENS AT CAMP, HERE'S WHAT YOU NEED... Read More
Dads, please let me encourage you to change some things... Read More
1. Create... Read More
The first year of a child's life is the most... Read More
Just the other day, I was talking to some other... Read More
This may come as a surprise.But despite all the advances... Read More
There is no doubt that the benefits of being a... Read More
It's the third time this week that Sam has complained... Read More
In theory, working at home is an ideal situation. But... Read More
Dan Rather made a significant and tactical error and got... Read More
Dining in a restaurant with kids can be very enervating... Read More
For any parent, learning that a convicted sex offender lives... Read More
Picture this. Your child comes home with a special assignment... Read More
| Parenting |