Voices have a way of falling into a pattern, not unlike the sound of constant rain. At first, the rain is obvious as it dramatically announces its arrival, and for a brief moment, you acknowledge the intrusion. But slowly, the rhythmic sounds fade into the background, becoming nothing more than a distant drone.
We are fortunate to have the ability to block out sounds like the pouring rain; otherwise, it would be impossible for us to concentrate. But what happens when the rain is actually the voice of a child, and you are so focused on your own thoughts that you forget to hear?
Even the most dedicated parent or caregiver can fail to hear the understated nuances of a child's plea. It's impossible to play detective and uncover the meaning behind every word and every gesture. Sometimes a whine is simply a whine. But if your busy schedule has you constantly preoccupied, you may be unintentionally shutting your child out. And if you're not there for your child, who will be?
Emotional and spiritual wellbeing are just as important as physical health. Even at a young age, you can help teach your child a simple technique that provides you with a means to hear the voice beyond the words. It's a little trick I learned from my Mom, and all you need is a piece of paper and a pencil.
I grew up in a large family. With five children, my Mom was concerned that she might miss a cue, a subtle hint that would indicate when one of us was in trouble or needed to talk, so she came up with a plan when we were very young.
Mom gathered us around the kitchen table and took out a piece of paper and a pencil and she proceed to explain her concept at the most basic level.
"Sometimes Mommy is busy, but I am never, ever too busy for my children. I promise that I will always make time for you, but I need you to let me know if you are having a problem."
Then she drew a picture and showed it to us. "If something is bothering you, draw a picture of a sad face and give it to me. Mommy will never ignore it. This is our secret code and I will be there to help you."
We were a demanding bunch, and I'm sure it wasn't easy for my Mom. Sometimes that note would arrive right in the middle of her making dinner, or while she was on the phone or when she finally sat down to watch TV. But she would always take that child with the sad-faced picture aside. Many times, she would have to coax the problem out of us by asking a series of questions, but we always felt better afterward.
As we got older, this little plan kept the doors of communication wide open. In those difficult, embarrassing moments of childhood, Mom was always true to her word. Whenever she received a note, everything would stop and the writer would receive her private and undivided attention.
Interesting though, were the far-reaching benefits of this little plan. You see, by giving us this additional means to be heard, we were taught that our concerns, problems and opinions were valid and important. We learned how to express our feelings and we knew the luxury of having someone there to listen. But we also became responsible individuals and learned valuable lessons in honesty and accountability. Our Mom showed us how to keep a promise. And as a family, we faced our problems together and head on.
Although the idea was simple, it was also powerful. This very wise, sensitive, nurturing woman empowered her young children with the right to be heard and the gift of confidence. Today I use this concept in my own family and in my work as well.
As advocates for children's rights, my husband and I speak about the consequences of bullying. The best defense against a bully is to tell an adult, but we are well aware that this is a difficult task for some children. Even when a child is otherwise vocal, discussing harassment at the hands of a peer can be painful, embarrassing, or scary.
We take great care to explain that unless a child makes their concerns known, adults can't help. We explain that sometimes adults don't pay attention, but this doesn't mean they don't care. We encourage children not to give up and tell them to reach out to an adult by writing a note or drawing a picture.
Someday, if a child hands you a note, we hope that even if you weren't raised with a secret family code for "please listen to me," you will stop what you are doing and focus on the voice of the child before you.
About The Author
Patricia Gatto and John De Angelis are the authors of MILTON'S DILEMMA, the tale of a lonely boy's magical journey to friendship and self-acceptance. As advocates for literacy and children's rights, the authors speak at schools and community events to foster awareness and provide children with a safe and healthy learning environment. For more information, please visit Joyful Productions at http://www.joyfulproductions.com
http://www.joyfulproductions.com
Lincoln Stretch rentals Alsip ..On a recent Saturday evening, I noticed a young teen-age... Read More
There is little doubt that reading, 'riting and 'rithmetic are... Read More
Software for parental control is a useful tool, if applied... Read More
Researched through personal experience!Budget Your Money. Even if you are... Read More
Choosing to leave your child with a caregiver is one... Read More
Here is something that you might want to keep if... Read More
So you're pregnant. Congratulations! Your life is about to change... Read More
Every children in the world whishes to have toys and... Read More
Homes should be run by parents, not children. So many... Read More
Learning responsibility is an ever widening and lifelong process.As thinking,... Read More
As a parent you will be asked to assist with... Read More
You've just received a call from your child's teacher. As... Read More
As mothers, we play so many different roles and most... Read More
1. Encourage Questions.Don't answer every question, instead ask what do... Read More
Is there a fathering instinct?Celebrated child development expert Erik Erikson... Read More
Recently I took my two children to a popular new... Read More
If your parenting methods include abuse of any kind; physical,... Read More
Raising a pre-teen or teenage daughter (or son) is not... Read More
How can two or three children in the same family... Read More
Dexedrine is not prescribed very often for the treatment of... Read More
Nail biting in all its various forms is problematic... Read More
Few things are more completely enjoyable than becoming a grandparent.... Read More
Diapers..Changing a dirty diaper is not the best part of... Read More
It is so important to create an environment that promotes... Read More
Even though the "Stop and Think" movement in ADHD treatment... Read More
Western Springs shuttle limo ..Angie was brought up by rigid, authoritarian parents who kept... Read More
There are millions of young children in this country who... Read More
Home schooling benefits children. As a parent, I feel it... Read More
Let's face it.The job market is getting tougher every day.Computerization... Read More
Teenagers are a work-in-progress, and parenting teenagers can be tricky... Read More
What should the goals for counseling be when the patient... Read More
1. Encourage Questions.Don't answer every question, instead ask what do... Read More
A common theme over the past 20 years has been... Read More
There are only two ways to get more money:1) Increase... Read More
The legend and myth of the Tooth Fairy is a... Read More
Something eerily familiar happened in KwaZulu-Natal's Hluhluwe-Umfolozi Park in Africa... Read More
Do you think you really know your child? I don't... Read More
The key to lifelong learning is reading and writing. When... Read More
Wooden toys are one of the best alternatives for the... Read More
In our last issue we posted some of our suggested... Read More
"Where did he come up with that?" Kids often amaze... Read More
When it comes to exams, or indeed any academic work,... Read More
We are all familiar with the stories that most students... Read More
Often, the struggle at dinnertime with your picky eater is... Read More
Studies have shown that:1 out of 4 children were sent... Read More
Dads, please let me encourage you to change some things... Read More
Oh yes you have! Suddenly, "Where's Bobby?" You instantly realize... Read More
As a mother of two sets of fraternal boy/girl twins,... Read More
In a consumer-driven society that broadcasts values you don't approve... Read More
Q. We just got our daughter's progress report, and it... Read More
Parenting |