The law of -ing.
The law of -ing refers to a misnomer in the way we talk about this special kind of family. By calling them "blended families," we imply that blending two families is a one-time event, and all the work is done. Nothing could be further from the truth. "Blending families" is a much more accurate term because it implies that putting two families together is a lifelong process with lots of work to do.
The law of Brady.
Let's get this one out of the way. "The Brady Bunch" was a TV show, complete with scripts so everyone knew what was coming in advance, with as many takes as necessary to get it right. Blending a family is real-world stuff. And it's all live!
The law of pace.
Allow your new family to develop and set its own pace. Don't try to force relationships or closeness.
The law of instant love.
Related to the law of pace, the law of instant love states that you cannot realistically expect instant love to occur between siblings and children and adults. Love and relationships take time.
The law of magnification.
In many of the blending families that I have worked with, at first it feels like everyone is walking on eggshells. Walking on eggshells makes it feel like every little issue is a huge deal, on which rides the success or failure of the family.
Watching out for this law can help you keep things in perspective.
The law of loyalty.
I've yet to work with a family where this wasn't eventually a powerful issue. Just consider the situation above. We've got four kids, all in various stages of recovering from the trauma of divorce or perhaps death, coming together into a new family and developing new relationships and loyalties. Yet they still have loyalties to their previous families. This is hard enough for adults to figure out, much less children.
It's like what a 10-year-old boy in a family I once worked with said: "How can I love Daddy and Jim (stepfather) at the same time?"
The law of permission.
Here's one answer to the loyalty dilemma. As much as possible, even though it can be incredibly difficult, it's crucial that kids have permission from as many of the adults as possible to form new and loving ties with members of the new family.
The law of step, part 1.
A parent once told me he didn't like the word step because it implied less of a connection between the family members. As this father put it, "While I am not the biological father of two of our children, I am a father and dad to them. And they may be the biological children of my wife, but they are also my children."
The law of step, part 2.
As a mother of a blending family once told me, "Yeah, we're a stepfamily - we're going to be taking lots of steps together."
Visit parentingyourteenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on parentingyourteenager.com
Q. With another school year starting, we are not sure... Read More
The Theme from MASHI flipped the button on the remote... Read More
O.K. So now you have taken the step of having... Read More
One of the most difficult struggles in life for a... Read More
I was reading "A Modern Infant Armada", a humor column... Read More
Economist John Kenneth Galbraith has said that more people die... Read More
After giving up my profession to become a wife, a... Read More
LOS ANGELES (May 19, 2005) - With Memorial Day weekend,... Read More
Do you want to create a deeper, more loving relationship... Read More
Home schooling benefits children. As a parent, I feel it... Read More
Few things are more completely enjoyable than becoming a grandparent.... Read More
"My son won't go to bed at night without a... Read More
Here's a scene: A parent "might suddenly grab a happliy... Read More
Dear MomOn this day set aside to honour "Mother's" let... Read More
So you're going to become a father. Now is not... Read More
Not Letting Them Think.We all implicitly know that anything questioning... Read More
Parents looking for a quick fix usually choose troubled teen... Read More
Since so many would rather avoid the use of stimulant... Read More
Joey steps away from his time out chair "I won't... Read More
How many times have you flipped through the pages of... Read More
Night Visits From Your ChildIn the middle of the night... Read More
If your parenting methods include abuse of any kind; physical,... Read More
My son recently had his third birthday party and it... Read More
Child Safety Restraints and children in work vehiclesIf you take... Read More
21 Reasons I Love Being A DadWhat you will read... Read More
Minus all meningitis thoughts. The flu symptons were strong. Headache,... Read More
The first year of a child's life is the most... Read More
What is the mystery of motherhood? I know that when... Read More
My name is Duncan and I'm 2 years old. I... Read More
Pool safety should be on the minds of every parent... Read More
Isn't it ironic that a country whose constitution allows for... Read More
Valentine day has always been a special day in my... Read More
As parents, we want our children and teens to grow... Read More
Do you really want your child to enjoy playing with... Read More
Is there a fathering instinct?Celebrated child development expert Erik Erikson... Read More
Have you ever watched your teenager make a mistake (that... Read More
Below is a copy of our eating program for Attention... Read More
The Internet is one of the greatest inventions of all... Read More
Q. How do I overcome the 16-year-old who does things... Read More
Although it's hard to say when the first stuffed dogs... Read More
Most people with children want to be good parents. The... Read More
So your little Susie wants to join a competitive gymnastic... Read More
In our last issue we posted some of our suggested... Read More
Lead is one of the most dangerous toxins a person... Read More
Can you draw a straight line? Most adults don't consider... Read More
In "The Ring Bear," a picture book by Tigard resident... Read More
Discipline is a necessary part of parenting yet it makes... Read More
I have been a single mom for almost 20 years.... Read More
The 'phone conversation had nothing at all to do with... Read More
Ritalin has been shown through the years to be very... Read More
Parenting |