As Mother's Day approaches I would like to give a different perspective to ponder.
Being a parent and a mother are not necessarily the same. Parenting is a gender-neutral term and refers more to the management function (hearing kids read, being a cheerleader, confidante and behaviour management expert) while mothering, like fathering, is something more instinctive, more basic and more close to the bone.
Parenting can be taught but mothering is something to grow into. Mothering (and fathering) is generative in that it develops when you come into contact with children.
Mothering, like fathering, means different things to different people. Mothering is traditionally linked with nurturance and protection of the individual, while fathering is more usually linked with challenge for the individual (dads can be hard on some of their kids!!) and protection of the group or family. It has long been my contention that a child needs to be both mothered and fathered for healthy development to occur. That is, he or she needs to experience a mixture of nurturance and challenge. Sole parents need to be both mother and father to a child, which is hard work but millions of sole parents do it.
The instinctive nature of mothering comes to the fore many times throughout a child's life, particularly when it is needed most. Most mothers generally instinctively know what a child needs at any given point in time yet many women don't listen to, let alone trust, their instincts.
Mothers can be rejected temporarily by their children. For instance, young boys can sometimes turn away from their mothers in early primary school. A five or six year old boy may let his mum know that 'being a big boy' means that you no longer kiss him goodbye outside the school gate. Or an early adolescent girl may want to spend more time with her father than with her mother because they need affirmation from the main man in their lives at that time of change. That is the instinctive nature of raising kids and the nature of mothering.
If parenting is about the headspace of raising children then mothering (and fathering) is about the heart and soul of raising kids. As a parent you may work yourself out of a job as your children move into adulthood but as a mother you are never redundant. We grow away from our parents but we never grow away from our mothers and fathers. A mother only has to look at her child in a certain way to transport them back to childhood in an instant.
It is worth remembering that the parenting maybe transient as children grow up and leave home but mothering, like fathering, is something that will never end. It is for life!
Michael Grose is one of Australia's most popular parenting educators. The author of six books for parents Michael is in heavy demand as a speaker, writer and parenting educator. Visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au and subscribe to Happy Kids, his high quality fortnightly email newsletter or sign-up for one oh his free online courses.
Rolling Meadows Cadillac Escalade rental .. Lockport Chicago limo O’HareRecently, a parent came to me, conflicted over whether to... Read More
Many research studies have shown the overall effectiveness of stimulant... Read More
Question 1 "How do I get more time to play?"... Read More
More and more parents are expressing their concerns about how... Read More
According to a September 2004 study by the RAND Corporation,... Read More
Ritalin is a good medication with a bad reputation. Its... Read More
Did you know that the number of twin births have... Read More
Every now and then I'll get a story sent to... Read More
Many reasons will cause some people to feel the need... Read More
"All that I am or ever hope to be, I... Read More
The teenage years are a crucial time in a child's... Read More
To every thing there is a season, and a time... Read More
If your child is to derive the benefits of physical... Read More
(Isaiah 11:6 KJV) The wolf also shall dwell with the... Read More
How many times have you flipped through the pages of... Read More
I used to have a really challenging job. It was... Read More
The Internet is one of the greatest inventions of all... Read More
The initial state of happiness about an own child is... Read More
When I was pregnant, we knew that we had some... Read More
"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think... Read More
A study done by the Thomas B. Fordham Institute found... Read More
In a single dose of children's television, I was bombarded... Read More
In elementary school it's pretty straightforward: bringing in cupcakes to... Read More
Travel is a common theme in my life -- probably... Read More
Ever blown your top to your children, only to regret... Read More
Des Moines rental limo ..It was the homework that did it. Each night became... Read More
Parents want their children to succeed in school. However, sometimes... Read More
There are many reasons for treating your twins as individuals... Read More
I wanted to share with you one of the most... Read More
Adderall is a stimulant medication used in the treatment of... Read More
Is your babysitter watching the kids and your k9 family... Read More
How well do you really know your child?There is so... Read More
Ritalin is a good medication with a bad reputation. Its... Read More
Diapers..Changing a dirty diaper is not the best part of... Read More
"Money is tight, and my husband's obsessed with doing everything... Read More
It's no surprise that the self-image and self-esteem of overweight... Read More
Although many parents are concerned with our children's intelligence quotient... Read More
I remember watching my 18-month-old son eat a big frosted... Read More
Chaim Ginott was a schoolteacher whose ideas and observations helped... Read More
Cardiovascular endurance is one of the five health-related components of... Read More
Some children practically potty train themselves, while others struggle and... Read More
The legend and myth of the Tooth Fairy is a... Read More
Did you know that inconsistency on matters of discipline gives... Read More
Q. What is the best way to teach safety awareness... Read More
In the news, we hear and see an increasing number... Read More
What parent hasn't gone into a son's or daughter's room... Read More
At first I thought of titling this article "The Lazy... Read More
Home schooling. What is it? What does it mean to... Read More
Before my daughter was born my house was... Read More
Recently, our family had the opportunity to care for sisters'... Read More
Parenting |