As parents, we strive to address all of the questions asked by our children. If we don't have the answer, or don't like the question, we would never think of ignoring the child. We do not accept improper communication as acceptable behavior. Most parents, however, are quick to excuse or overlook the behavior of their child when he / she reacts the same way and are often left wondering when the lines of communication broke.
Picture this: Five year-old Jason is riding home from school with his father. Jay's favorite CD, the Shrek soundtrack, is in the player and while he usually sings along, today he doesn't appear to be paying attention to it. Two blocks away from their house, they pass the softball field where a game is in progress. Dad announces "Jay, when we get home, you're going to need to clean-up all the toys on the floor in your room. We wouldn't want anyone to fall." Jay doesn't respond. Dad knows that cleaning up toys is one of Jay's least favorite activities so he waits a few moments and tries again. Still no response.
In the pause between tracks on the Shrek CD, Dad tries to get Jay's attention again by simply speaking louder, keeping his tone warm and pleasant. And again, his comment is met with no acknowledgement from his child. Turning on to their street, Dad loses his patience and raises his voice, barking a command that Jay is to march straight to his room and clean up his toys "for the fourth time!" Jolted to action, Jay rushes out of the car when they return home and heads straight to his room, not emerging until dinner time.
The interaction between Jay and his father is the result of a non-verbal agreement between them. Reinforced by previous similar exchanges, Jay's parents have fostered an environment where they have tolerated his lack of response to their directions, and he has learned that his lack of communication is acceptable behavior.
Children are by nature easily distracted and not always responsive to their environment. It is the responsibility of the parent to emphasize positive patterns of communication and ensure the child learns that ignoring communication is not acceptable. Early prevention, in the form of educating your child about the proper forms of communication, is the key to ensuring that the non-verbal agreement does not take hold.
If your child has already grown accustomed to this style of communication, here are some essentials to assist you in addressing the situation:
Talk: To your child, and explain to them in age-appropriate terms how they are communicating and why it doesn't work.
Show: Your child how to communicate effectively, even when the questions are hard. Role-play a conversation to show them a more effective way to communicate.
Practice: Be sure you are aware of yourself and the way in which you communicate to others. Children model adult behaviors. Be sure you are not guilty of poor patterns of communication with your spouse or parenting partner.
Be Consistent: Be constant in the manner in which you communicate with you child. Send the same message with each and every interaction. Allow your child to see that you will call their attention to those times that the unwanted behavior rears its ugly head.
Remember: Kids will be kids and they will sometimes be distractive and non-communicative. You are the expert in knowing your child's behavior and can best judge the improvement in their communications. The best way to ensure healthy communication patterns is to model positive communication skills.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Dr. Charles Sophy currently serves as Medical Director for the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS), which is responsible for the health, safety and welfare of nearly 40,000 foster children. He also has a private psychiatry practice in Beverly Hills, California. Dr. Sophy has lectured extensively and is an Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the University of California Los Angeles Neuro-Psychiatric Institute. His lectures and teachings are consistently ranked as among the best by those in attendance.
Dr. Charles Sophy, author of the "Keep 'Em Off My Couch" blog, provides real simple answers for solving life's biggest problems. He specializes in improving the mental health of children. To contact Dr. Sophy, visit his blog at http://drsophy.com.
Lincoln Stretch rentals Alsip ..Here are some things that you can do to help... Read More
While on a recent trip to the grocery store, I... Read More
Despite the theory that people have kids because they want... Read More
Elana, born in Russia, was told "We really don't know... Read More
Though you can cover even very long distances by car... Read More
WHEN AN INJURY HAPPENS AT CAMP, HERE'S WHAT YOU NEED... Read More
Little Suzy has really been having a hard time getting... Read More
Everyone in a private practice setting who works with children... Read More
The Internet is one of the greatest inventions of all... Read More
Assuming there are no serious motor problems present, what can... Read More
Each child carries a unique picture of the self, shaped... Read More
Start some gardening traditions with your kids. Give them their... Read More
Being a single mother is no easy task. I know.... Read More
Search for Assurance: The Power of BelongingThe job hunt is... Read More
Compulsory attendance laws are school authorities' first assault on parental... Read More
Last week in my newsletter, I mentioned that... Read More
As parents and teachers, sometimes we want to praise, at... Read More
Get into their world. The world that teens are growing... Read More
What is the mystery of motherhood? I know that when... Read More
Do you praise your child when he fulfils a basic... Read More
Your Virgo Baby..August 23 - September 22Virgo children are honest... Read More
Once your little boy/girl goes off to school, you may... Read More
It's that time again! Parent-teacher conferences are coming. Are you... Read More
What parent hasn't gone into a son's or daughter's room... Read More
Parents want their children to succeed in school. However, sometimes... Read More
Western Springs shuttle limo ..What you say and do about money has a profound... Read More
An apology is a sign of strength, not weakness. Sometimes... Read More
"I wipe my baby's chin with my college diploma and... Read More
Our back-to-school buying habits do not help kids succeed in... Read More
Once, as a Learning Support Teacher, I made my way... Read More
Everyone in a private practice setting who works with children... Read More
How can two or three children in the same family... Read More
Does music need to be "dumbed-down" for kids? The answer... Read More
"Now don't you go getting any ideas, Harold.""Don't you get... Read More
As a mom of 4 who's youngest child is about... Read More
Part of the responsibility of being a father is to... Read More
When my oldest daughter was born, I walked the floor... Read More
You need to smart to be able influence adolescents. You... Read More
Ok. So you're a dad to be. If you're like... Read More
The last decade has seen heightened interest in and awareness... Read More
"Get down from the table top right now! What are... Read More
Raising a pre-teen or teenage daughter (or son) is not... Read More
Child care costs are are one of the most expensive... Read More
'How can I start getting my children to help out... Read More
Why are more people, especially parents not outraged?I call it... Read More
Oh Please, Don't Say Maybe!!!!Are you often a participant in... Read More
Checking accounts are an absolute necessity these days. You can... Read More
There are many reasons for treating your twins as individuals... Read More
Most of us really don't like it when someone is... Read More
Researching career education uncovered the following shocking statistic: The average... Read More
Parenting |