Most of what we've been taught about how to be happy, how to be successful, how to get what we want was well intended ? but wrong.
We've been told that we have to work hard to succeed and when we're a success we'll be happy. Maybe that's true ? if we're clear about what we need to be happy. Too many of us have been misled by well-meaning parents, teachers, spouses and employers to believe that success means big houses, fancy cars, luxury vacations and bulging bank accounts.
Few would disagree that those are our society's measure of success and nice to have, but too often they don't bring happiness. Instead, they often lead to addictions, illnesses, wounded children and divorce, which can lead to unhappiness, loneliness and financial woes.
The good news is that you can change your thinking and change your life. I know, because I did.
I was a workaholic for most of my adult life until breast cancer forced me to slow down and take a look at the messages that had driven me to be so driven. I remembered an experience I'd had years before, when I went to a hypnotherapist and, in trance, was more relaxed than I'd ever been in my life.
"What would you have to do to feel like this all the time," he asked. And I knew immediately. I'd have to let go of being so attached to the way things turned out. What was I attached to? Everything!
I was attached to people saying and doing certain things (even in the past, so I kept rehashing old dialogs so I'd get to say what I hadn't said then), I was attached to my saying and doing certain things. I was attached to motorists being courteous, check-out clerks being efficient, my clients buying lots of product, my boss being able to lead, my neighbors being quiet? well, you get the picture.
On the way home I asked myself, what if I let go of my attachments to outcomes? What if I turned what I wanted into a goal, instead?
I discovered it was easy to tell the difference. I could work hard to reach a goal and if I didn't make it I was okay. I'd learn from the experience and try again. When I was attached, not getting what I wanted, or even thinking I might not get it would trigger a wash of an unpleasant emotion ? anger, fear, anxiety, stress, doubt, frustration, victimization, etc. Whenever I recognized I was attached, I'd ask myself: just this once, can I let go of my attachment to this? Can I turn it into a goal, instead? Almost always, the answer was yes.
The advantage to having goals instead of attachments is that you can reasonably work toward having what you want without being so stressed and stressing that you lose your health or your family. You can let go of your attachments to living life the way society tells you you "should," and discover what truly makes you happy.
You don't have to have breast cancer (other cancer, stroke, heart attack, etc.) to learn what I learned. Practice letting go of your attachments to outcomes, change your thinking and you will change your life.
Karin Ireland, author of the award-winning Learning to Trust Myself: Lessons From Cancer and Other Life Dilemmas and 10 Practices That Will Bring You Peace, Confidence and Success: The Workbook is a popular speaker, workshop leader, and personal coach. Visit her at http://www.irelandcommunications.com
experienced cleaning professionals Northbrook ..Discover how easy it is to improve your relationships. The... Read More
You are the only one that can give confidence to... Read More
Near the end of December 2004, I received an email... Read More
Music is very powerful. The kind of music you listen... Read More
"The knowledge of actions or events before they occur; foresight."You... Read More
Ever had the sense that there is more to life... Read More
Looking around at our circumstances we may see only mountains... Read More
Never Quitting Equals Success Most people who achieve fortunes in... Read More
James Allen, who wrote the masterpiece, As a Man Thinketh,... Read More
The only constant is change. If theres one thing we... Read More
When I teach private Yoga sessions, sometimes, I become aware... Read More
It is widely believed that just anybody has the intrinsic... Read More
Life can be downright scary - sometimes more than others.... Read More
During a Messenger chat session the other day, I asked... Read More
There are only two emotions we can experience; love or... Read More
Most of what we've been taught about how to be... Read More
Being the next Carmen Electra or Paris Hilton might or... Read More
An Attitude of Gratitude. How important is this to you... Read More
As a trainer of coaches I often teach my students... Read More
In talking with a coaching client recently, she made a... Read More
One thing that is important to realize about thought: one... Read More
Look for the positives!Seek them out - those little scary... Read More
The surge of emotions.During the middle ages, the court jester... Read More
The most happy and successful people on earth have a... Read More
Yuk!One thing, I really have a problem with is criticism.... Read More
best value cleaning service Northbrook ..I get emails and questions from people all the time... Read More
When I was a young girl, my sister and I... Read More
The only thing between you and your desire to be... Read More
As I swooshed down the Zoom Flume water slide at... Read More
Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.... Read More
Today, I wanted to mention this notion of self-sabotage.I recently... Read More
Look at this glass on the table in front of... Read More
I Hear Voices?This is not a statement of paranormal; it... Read More
Uncle Liam was very kind to me again. He gave... Read More
Lately, there has been a collective challenge to avoid being... Read More
"Putting ourselves down, is an insult to our worth." --Helen... Read More
The others in the raft didn't seem to share Eddie's... Read More
A more positive future, a happier life, a body that's... Read More
The world is going downhill faster than an Olympic skier.... Read More
Do you know the problem with affirmations? You know, the... Read More
I don't want to say people are basically negative but?..if... Read More
Satisfaction 100% guaranteed or your money back! That was the... Read More
Our attitude makes seems to control just about everything about... Read More
Emotions are controlled by a combination of reason and action.... Read More
"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't... Read More
Does that title make you cringe? It made me cringe... Read More
Spring is here at last! The season brings with it... Read More
If you think you are a loser, you train or... Read More
Many of the books on this page were inspired by... Read More
If you are a parent, it is up to you... Read More
| Positive Attitude Tips |