Not too long ago my teenage daughter approached me with a very special request... one that not every father gets from his loving daughter. I was sitting in front of the TV after a hard day at work and while I was fidgeting with the defective cable company-provided remote (the one the kids only know how to operate) trying to find a movie I hadn't yet seen ten times already on cable, she blurts out, "Dad, can I have a breast reduction?"
Now, if you're a parent then you know there exists a certain 'conditioning' that occurs over the years when responding to questions from our children, especially if your attentions are focused elsewhere at the moment. They all have this tendency to ask questions at the most inappropriate times. For example, one time I was wrestling with a stubborn pipe while fixing a leak under the kitchen sink. To begin with, I was in a seemingly impossible body contortion trying to manipulate a wrench in a confined space so my frustration level was accelerating. At that moment a passing kid asked, "Dad, can I have ddgrfguff?". I didn't hear the last part of the question but I was safe in responding back, "Yeah, sure." You see, it was a 'can I have' question which was usually food-related as opposed to 'can I go' which requires some passing thought to respond (later I caught holy-heck from my wife for letting my son eat something too close to dinner, but that's a whole other story). But as the kids got older the 'can I have' questions became less about food and more about a request for money... lots of money.
So when my loving daughter asked, "Dad, can I have gufffunfgarble?", (again being too sidetracked to hear the end of the question) my first fatherly instinct was to pause ever so briefly (while watching the TV screen fly uncontrollably past HBO and our local city council meeting and stopping at one of those shopping channels) and I reach for my wallet. Suddenly I realized as I was fingering the few singles left in my wallet that she was not asking for money. "You want whaaaat??"
Well, as you would expect, my daughter is "blessed" with rather predominant female accouterments (not sure who's side of the family she got that gene from). She went on to express her reason for this request. "I'm tired of people not looking up at *me* when I talk to them, Dad." Ahhh.. this was a deep human question coming from a 16 year old; an opportunity for lessons to be learned!
I could have blown this all off by simply telling her that when she is of age she could make her own decisions about that; and for now it was not something her folks were ready to consider. But these things always end up being something more. I was afraid her self-esteem would end up suffering somewhere down the line. So we talked about sincerity, understanding, guys, social attitudes, and personal appearance. We talked about reality... and expectations... and being self-confident. It was the proverbial quality time together.
She has never again asked that question because she has developed a pride in herself and how she looks.. and confidence in her natural instincts and social behavior. In the end my daughter asked a question that could have been answered with a simple yes or no. But what she was really asking was, "Help me, dad." I nearly missed the boat.
About The Author
Doug Burkland is degreed in the behavioral sciences and writes articles regarding family life, parenting, human sexuality, entrepreneurship, and current events. An aging baby boomer raised in the Mid-West and having liberal-conservative attitudes, Doug is an admitted 'survivor' of public education who thinks he has something to say that people might like to read; sometimes using a bit of healthy satire, mixed with friendly sarcasm, and at times tempered with thought provoking common sense. Along with being an entrepreneur (having had three businesses of his own), Doug has a broad perspective on balancing life and family.
http://www.dougburkland.com or email http://www.dougburkland.com
cleaning help near Mundelein ..Q: A parent writes in to ask, "You write a... Read More
When a child wets the bed they worry. Children tend... Read More
Jason Meridith's two-year old son whines when he wants more... Read More
Ever blown your top to your children, only to regret... Read More
Are you a frustrated parent who sometimes finds it is... Read More
Does the homework battle so typical with your hyperactive or... Read More
I thought I was the only one in the world... Read More
If you spend any time in the parenting section of... Read More
Think back to your own childhood. Chances are, some of... Read More
Often I will hear parents say, "I just ignore Jr.... Read More
"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine,... Read More
In the first premise, some films and video tapes which... Read More
As a hypnotherapist, I am acutely aware of the power... Read More
To the untrained eye, it might look like a piece... Read More
A sure way to double the joys of parenthood is... Read More
Q. Things have been relatively calm and OK with our... Read More
Are you glad for the chance to put your child... Read More
1. New Word of the DayIntroduce your preschooler to a... Read More
It is hard to believe that summer is coming to... Read More
"Becoming a parent can make you a better worker," New... Read More
"It takes a village to raise a child" is more... Read More
I could nearly fund my children's future education if I... Read More
In dealing with children with autism spectrum disorders, its all... Read More
I WAS AMAZEDI could hardly believe what I was hearing.... Read More
1. You reheated the same cup of coffee three times... Read More
reliable maid service Wilmette ..What you say and do about money has a profound... Read More
What should the goals for counseling be when the patient... Read More
All children will likely have many different health problems during... Read More
Moms, did you ever question your value as a role... Read More
MYTH: If you have not parented as well as you... Read More
Do your children have a McChildhood? Do they experience the... Read More
Reasearch into children's friendships shows that those children who are... Read More
Q. What's the right age to start giving a Bible... Read More
How to Get Your Child to Love Reading was conceived... Read More
All babies cry, but if yours cries a lot, isn't... Read More
Here is a list of ways to convey the message... Read More
Are you a parent concerned about passing values on to... Read More
Many people consider plush toys great for children. They say... Read More
A growing body of scientific evidence shows that the way... Read More
According to the American Sleep Association 70% of all babies... Read More
Past experience with federal education programs predicts that the No... Read More
You're trying to catch up on some sleep on a... Read More
It can be difficult on all family members to have... Read More
If your child is to derive the benefits of physical... Read More
The purpose of this article is to address some of... Read More
I'll never forget my first lesson in a glider.I'd been... Read More
Recently, our family had the opportunity to care for sisters'... Read More
Backpack? Check. Notebooks? Check. Ink-pens? Check. Clear Skin? Mommmm!If you... Read More
Meningitis is an inflammation of the membranes around the brain... Read More
There's a phrase that's become popular over the past few... Read More
Parenting |