Do you feel like someone has abducted your sweet, innocent child and replaced them with a monster? Are you confused that somehow you have gone from knowing everything as a parent, to knowing absolutely nothing? Welcome to being a parent of a preteen/teenager. It is a brave new world. Being a preteen/teenager is difficult and being a parent of one is difficult as well. In this article, I will address just a few of the many "normal" aspects of adolescence and how to survive as a parent.
I have been a therapist for over 18 years now and have seen hundreds of adolescents. If I had a dollar for every time a parent said to me, "If I talked the way my kids talk to me when I was a child I wouldn't be able to get off the floor." I would be rich. Yes, talking back is normal. I also quickly add not acceptable. Our society through TV programs and in general does not show respect. Most sitcoms delight in making the parents look like idiots, gone are the days of the strong parents like the Cosby family. So, our society does not show respect and our children model that with us. Another normal aspect of preteen/teenagers is to think their parents know very little due to us growing up with dinosaurs or at least without VCRS much less DVD players, anyway. Most adolescents get all their information from their peers, who unfortunately don't always give good advice. Acting like a "baby" one minute and an "adult" the next is extremely common. It is an extremely confusing time for them. Part of them craves the security and the easiness of childhood and another part "needs" the freedom and independence of being adult (they often forget the responsibility part). So, as a parent you are never really sure who you are talking to at any given moment. Do I have the "baby" who wants my support or am I talking to the "adult" who wants to make his or her own decisions? We often pick the wrong one.
So, what can a parent due to survive? In my e-book, "Help My Preteen/Teenager Is Driving Me Nuts!!!" I list several strategies. Here are a few of those strategies.
1. When your child is talking back. Do not engage in conversation with them and certainly do not do something special for them, like taking them to the mall.
2. Try not to give unsolicited advice. I'm not saying quit parenting all together, but advice is often listened to more when your child asks for it.
3. Make sure you spend time listening to your children. Take any opportunity even if it is at 11:00pm to listen when your child is willing to talk.
4. Talk to the parents of your child's friends and have a curfew that everyone agrees on. There is strength in numbers for parents as well. Then, you can say not "everyone" gets to stay out later than your child.
5. Talk to other parents for support. Often, when our children are small we share a lot with other parents. Sometimes, when our children get to be teenagers we keep silent. It really helps to know you are not the only parent having a difficult time.
In conclusion, it is tough being a teenager and a parent of one, but everyone involved can survive. Remember the favorite phrase, "This too shall pass." You didn't think your children would ever get out of diapers and now look, they are teenagers. Teenagers still need you, so stay involved in their lives. Learn about their friends and be willing to listen at anytime. Also, remember some of their seemingly strange quirks are really quite normal.
? 2005 Kimberly Chastain
Kimberly Chastain, MS, LMFT is the Christian Working Mom Coach and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She was recently featured in the book the Myth of the Perfect Mother. She is the author of "Help My Preteen/Teenager is Driving Me Nuts!!!" To purchase a copy of this e-book please visit http://www.kimberlychastain.com/parenting. To schedule a free, initial coaching session send an email to http://www.kimberlychastain.com/parenting or visit http://www.kimberlychastain.com/parenting
The text information box above MUST be included for reprint privileges. You may reprint this article in it's entirety with the attached text box.
disinfecting cleaning services Winnetka ..I was reading "A Modern Infant Armada", a humor column... Read More
Backpack? Check. Notebooks? Check. Ink-pens? Check. Clear Skin? Mommmm!If you... Read More
On a recent Saturday evening, I noticed a young teen-age... Read More
Homes should be run by parents, not children. So many... Read More
I really like all natural remedy for Attention Deficit Disorder... Read More
"Now don't you go getting any ideas, Harold.""Don't you get... Read More
A common problem many times facing parents is Colic. Estimates... Read More
Having a babysitter take care of your kids is sometimes... Read More
How would you like to have a closer relationship with... Read More
Child support is defined as that part of your income... Read More
Most of the ADHD kids that are seen in a... Read More
We adopted our first child when he was three months... Read More
School authorities often complain that classes are too large. They... Read More
You are sitting with the professionals who know about learning... Read More
The wonderful adaptability of children in dealing with the challenges... Read More
In a single dose of children's television, I was bombarded... Read More
The girl's jaw dropped in horror as the police officer... Read More
Choosing a baby name is an important job, so make... Read More
Goal setting is essential for building a successful life. However,... Read More
People always ask my wife and I: "How did you... Read More
We are all aware of the child obesity epidemic that... Read More
Sitting by her Pinocchio lamp, she smiled at me as... Read More
Checking accounts are an absolute necessity these days. You can... Read More
Parents, when you help your children learn to read, you... Read More
It's among the top criticism wives have of their husbands:... Read More
last minute cleaning help Highland Park ..As the flurry of Back to School activities subside, parents... Read More
How are parents to know they are doing the right... Read More
We've got spirit, yes we do! We've got spirit how... Read More
One fantastic way to get your children involved in what... Read More
As thinking, acting human beings we have the ability to... Read More
As a parent you will be asked to assist with... Read More
The subject of competition is one that provokes some pretty... Read More
After giving up my profession to become a wife, a... Read More
17 Quick Ways to Strengthen the Bonds of LoveOn Mother's... Read More
"I don't know and I don't care."I've heard those words... Read More
I thought I was the only one in the world... Read More
As a parent, are you at your wits end? Does... Read More
"Home Schooling ? Look Before You Leap"Are you considering home... Read More
We all scream for ice cream. Or, we don't, at... Read More
What exactly makes safety glasses different from regular glasses? There... Read More
Diagnosing children and teens with ADHD can be a challenge.... Read More
I am a dad. I have been now for over... Read More
It's the first day of the summer holiday. Five year-old... Read More
Chaim Ginott was a schoolteacher whose ideas and observations helped... Read More
Learning obedience is an important part of child development. This... Read More
Frankly, as a single parent of young children, I struggled.... Read More
Teenagers are a work-in-progress, and parenting teenagers can be tricky... Read More
Homework. It doesn't have to be a daily battle of... Read More
When parents help their children learn to read, they help... Read More
A small town, somewhere in the world, was managed by... Read More
Parenting |