Do you feel like someone has abducted your sweet, innocent child and replaced them with a monster? Are you confused that somehow you have gone from knowing everything as a parent, to knowing absolutely nothing? Welcome to being a parent of a preteen/teenager. It is a brave new world. Being a preteen/teenager is difficult and being a parent of one is difficult as well. In this article, I will address just a few of the many "normal" aspects of adolescence and how to survive as a parent.
I have been a therapist for over 18 years now and have seen hundreds of adolescents. If I had a dollar for every time a parent said to me, "If I talked the way my kids talk to me when I was a child I wouldn't be able to get off the floor." I would be rich. Yes, talking back is normal. I also quickly add not acceptable. Our society through TV programs and in general does not show respect. Most sitcoms delight in making the parents look like idiots, gone are the days of the strong parents like the Cosby family. So, our society does not show respect and our children model that with us. Another normal aspect of preteen/teenagers is to think their parents know very little due to us growing up with dinosaurs or at least without VCRS much less DVD players, anyway. Most adolescents get all their information from their peers, who unfortunately don't always give good advice. Acting like a "baby" one minute and an "adult" the next is extremely common. It is an extremely confusing time for them. Part of them craves the security and the easiness of childhood and another part "needs" the freedom and independence of being adult (they often forget the responsibility part). So, as a parent you are never really sure who you are talking to at any given moment. Do I have the "baby" who wants my support or am I talking to the "adult" who wants to make his or her own decisions? We often pick the wrong one.
So, what can a parent due to survive? In my e-book, "Help My Preteen/Teenager Is Driving Me Nuts!!!" I list several strategies. Here are a few of those strategies.
1. When your child is talking back. Do not engage in conversation with them and certainly do not do something special for them, like taking them to the mall.
2. Try not to give unsolicited advice. I'm not saying quit parenting all together, but advice is often listened to more when your child asks for it.
3. Make sure you spend time listening to your children. Take any opportunity even if it is at 11:00pm to listen when your child is willing to talk.
4. Talk to the parents of your child's friends and have a curfew that everyone agrees on. There is strength in numbers for parents as well. Then, you can say not "everyone" gets to stay out later than your child.
5. Talk to other parents for support. Often, when our children are small we share a lot with other parents. Sometimes, when our children get to be teenagers we keep silent. It really helps to know you are not the only parent having a difficult time.
In conclusion, it is tough being a teenager and a parent of one, but everyone involved can survive. Remember the favorite phrase, "This too shall pass." You didn't think your children would ever get out of diapers and now look, they are teenagers. Teenagers still need you, so stay involved in their lives. Learn about their friends and be willing to listen at anytime. Also, remember some of their seemingly strange quirks are really quite normal.
? 2005 Kimberly Chastain
Kimberly Chastain, MS, LMFT is the Christian Working Mom Coach and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She was recently featured in the book the Myth of the Perfect Mother. She is the author of "Help My Preteen/Teenager is Driving Me Nuts!!!" To purchase a copy of this e-book please visit http://www.kimberlychastain.com/parenting. To schedule a free, initial coaching session send an email to http://www.kimberlychastain.com/parenting or visit http://www.kimberlychastain.com/parenting
The text information box above MUST be included for reprint privileges. You may reprint this article in it's entirety with the attached text box.
no-contract cleaning service Mundelein ..This is one of the most common questions asked of... Read More
Spare the rod, spoil the child!This philosophy's been around a... Read More
Under the "No Child Left Behind Act," public schools whose... Read More
As mothers, we play so many different roles and most... Read More
Angie was brought up by rigid, authoritarian parents who kept... Read More
I remember watching my 18-month-old son eat a big frosted... Read More
Now is an excellent time to have your child's vision... Read More
"Now don't you go getting any ideas, Harold.""Don't you get... Read More
"How many times do I have to tell you to... Read More
What do you mean average? Not good? Just doing good... Read More
"Walk through any toy store and you will see walls... Read More
Saying no to our children is not always easy or... Read More
Here we will come to know who are the most... Read More
10 Fun Things You Can Do With Your Children this... Read More
Did you know that the school system is only able... Read More
"Setting the alarm on Sunday mornings is inhuman?..God should know... Read More
As Mother's Day approaches I would like to give a... Read More
Not all parents subscribe to the notion of "tough love,"... Read More
Economist John Kenneth Galbraith has said that more people die... Read More
Q. Things have been relatively calm and OK with our... Read More
"Will my doubts and fears affect my child?" This father... Read More
Past experience with federal education programs predicts that the No... Read More
All children will likely have many different health problems during... Read More
It's no joy to be sick. It's even less joy... Read More
There are times when my ideas of raising a child... Read More
maid service near Glenview ..Elana, born in Russia, was told "We really don't know... Read More
Despite the potentially dangerous side-effects of Ritalin, public school authorities... Read More
Dads, please let me encourage you to change some things... Read More
Hints from Ruowen Wang? Keep a small basket filled with... Read More
Choosing to leave your child with a caregiver is one... Read More
Last week in my newsletter, I mentioned that... Read More
Unfortunately each year many young children drown in swimming pools,... Read More
One of the biggest milestones in our children's education is... Read More
Puberty can be a difficult time for children. Not quite... Read More
I recently heard a story that has literally changed the... Read More
For many adults, reading a book or newspaper seems effortless.... Read More
Meningitis is an inflammation of the membranes around the brain... Read More
Everyone needs friends, and, as parents, you and I both... Read More
Did you know that the school system is only able... Read More
I am writing this from the beautiful mountains of Western... Read More
Is Homework Really That Important?Dear Friends,I no longer teach in... Read More
Start some gardening traditions with your kids. Give them their... Read More
As a parent there are lots of things that you... Read More
Have you ever had this struggle with your teens? Did... Read More
"Will my doubts and fears affect my child?" This father... Read More
Libraries offer more than books. They are places of learning... Read More
Something eerily familiar happened in KwaZulu-Natal's Hluhluwe-Umfolozi Park in Africa... Read More
The Internet is one of the greatest inventions of all... Read More
I thought I was the only one in the world... Read More
Q. Our 17-year-old son wants us to let his girlfriend... Read More
Parenting |