Do you feel like someone has abducted your sweet, innocent child and replaced them with a monster? Are you confused that somehow you have gone from knowing everything as a parent, to knowing absolutely nothing? Welcome to being a parent of a preteen/teenager. It is a brave new world. Being a preteen/teenager is difficult and being a parent of one is difficult as well. In this article, I will address just a few of the many "normal" aspects of adolescence and how to survive as a parent.
I have been a therapist for over 18 years now and have seen hundreds of adolescents. If I had a dollar for every time a parent said to me, "If I talked the way my kids talk to me when I was a child I wouldn't be able to get off the floor." I would be rich. Yes, talking back is normal. I also quickly add not acceptable. Our society through TV programs and in general does not show respect. Most sitcoms delight in making the parents look like idiots, gone are the days of the strong parents like the Cosby family. So, our society does not show respect and our children model that with us. Another normal aspect of preteen/teenagers is to think their parents know very little due to us growing up with dinosaurs or at least without VCRS much less DVD players, anyway. Most adolescents get all their information from their peers, who unfortunately don't always give good advice. Acting like a "baby" one minute and an "adult" the next is extremely common. It is an extremely confusing time for them. Part of them craves the security and the easiness of childhood and another part "needs" the freedom and independence of being adult (they often forget the responsibility part). So, as a parent you are never really sure who you are talking to at any given moment. Do I have the "baby" who wants my support or am I talking to the "adult" who wants to make his or her own decisions? We often pick the wrong one.
So, what can a parent due to survive? In my e-book, "Help My Preteen/Teenager Is Driving Me Nuts!!!" I list several strategies. Here are a few of those strategies.
1. When your child is talking back. Do not engage in conversation with them and certainly do not do something special for them, like taking them to the mall.
2. Try not to give unsolicited advice. I'm not saying quit parenting all together, but advice is often listened to more when your child asks for it.
3. Make sure you spend time listening to your children. Take any opportunity even if it is at 11:00pm to listen when your child is willing to talk.
4. Talk to the parents of your child's friends and have a curfew that everyone agrees on. There is strength in numbers for parents as well. Then, you can say not "everyone" gets to stay out later than your child.
5. Talk to other parents for support. Often, when our children are small we share a lot with other parents. Sometimes, when our children get to be teenagers we keep silent. It really helps to know you are not the only parent having a difficult time.
In conclusion, it is tough being a teenager and a parent of one, but everyone involved can survive. Remember the favorite phrase, "This too shall pass." You didn't think your children would ever get out of diapers and now look, they are teenagers. Teenagers still need you, so stay involved in their lives. Learn about their friends and be willing to listen at anytime. Also, remember some of their seemingly strange quirks are really quite normal.
? 2005 Kimberly Chastain
Kimberly Chastain, MS, LMFT is the Christian Working Mom Coach and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She was recently featured in the book the Myth of the Perfect Mother. She is the author of "Help My Preteen/Teenager is Driving Me Nuts!!!" To purchase a copy of this e-book please visit http://www.kimberlychastain.com/parenting. To schedule a free, initial coaching session send an email to http://www.kimberlychastain.com/parenting or visit http://www.kimberlychastain.com/parenting
The text information box above MUST be included for reprint privileges. You may reprint this article in it's entirety with the attached text box.
disinfecting cleaning services Winnetka ..Is it hard to communicate with your teenager about issues... Read More
Today's dads are more hands-on than ever before and their... Read More
Did you know there's a game children and parents play... Read More
Rule #1 Make Every Bite Count!Everything your child eats should... Read More
"What age should my child start school?"This is a common... Read More
Anyone can splurge on a formal dinner or a pricey... Read More
Sara loves pampering. Haircuts, facials, manicures, and makeup bring smiles,... Read More
"The best blush to use is laughter: It put roses... Read More
Some years ago when touring the Scottish Highlands, a man... Read More
A while ago I received this story from David in... Read More
As a parent your biggest responsibility is to prepare your... Read More
You need to smart to be able influence adolescents. You... Read More
You're trying to catch up on some sleep on a... Read More
As a mom of 4 who's youngest child is about... Read More
The key to lifelong learning is reading and writing. When... Read More
Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is the phrase that is... Read More
A tall, weary-looking mother with glasses, walked into my counseling... Read More
Life is full of competition -- even in childhood. Kids... Read More
All children will likely have many different health problems during... Read More
The popularity of EEG Biofeedback Training continues to grow both... Read More
"Now don't you go getting any ideas, Harold.""Don't you get... Read More
Former students would probably attest to the fact that few... Read More
As the kids go back to school, you can go... Read More
Q. We just got our daughter's progress report, and it... Read More
last minute cleaning help Highland Park ..One of parents' most important duties is to protect their... Read More
As Mother's Day approaches I would like to give a... Read More
Many parents would like to homeschool their children but are... Read More
Like anything else in life, there's a method to the... Read More
Do you praise your child when he fulfils a basic... Read More
Wooden toys are one of the best alternatives for the... Read More
Many working families choose a commercial or individual day care... Read More
Blink. That's all we did, blink, and summer is ending... Read More
Voices have a way of falling into a pattern, not... Read More
If your child is to derive the benefits of physical... Read More
Have you ever wondered why toys for babies tend to... Read More
Many children who suffer from the psychological effects of child... Read More
Finding answers to a child's underachievement is often a difficult... Read More
There are a few points about shyness in children which... Read More
Parents, when you help your children learn to read, you... Read More
Is there a difference between lazy and unmotivated? Why do... Read More
There are times when my ideas of raising a child... Read More
"I WON'T DO IT!" "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"Whether parent or... Read More
A sure way to double the joys of parenthood is... Read More
Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More
"Just turn the lights off and go to sleep"Do you... Read More
As the flurry of Back to School activities subside, parents... Read More
Are you considering a car wash fundraiser for your group?... Read More
"Setting the alarm on Sunday mornings is inhuman?..God should know... Read More
IntroductionAs a parent who wants the best for your children,... Read More
Parenting |