Home
>
Parenting
>
Exams Cause Stress For Parents Too

Exams Cause Stress For Parents Too

When it comes to exams, or indeed any academic work, parents feel that they should be encouraging their teen to try hard and do well. The problem is that in trying to achieve this, many parents end up causing stress either for themselves, their teen or both.

So what causes this stress? Basically, it boils down to one key belief; a belief held by many parents and one that is reinforced by most schools.

To do well you must work hard

Consequently parents spend much of their time trying to get their teens to word hard. The sad fact is that there are some students who could work hard for the rest of their life and still achieve only mediocre results. And then there are other students who appear to put in very little effort and still do well.

This belief leads parents to think one of two things, either their teen is working hard enough or they're not. Either way, unhelpful stress can still be a problem.

If your teen is working hard enough

Usually the person who gets over-stressed in this situation is the teen. The parent's role here is to help their teen manage the stress. Beware of 'going over the top' in encouraging your teen; let them know that even if they don't achieve exactly what they want it's not the end of the world.

Remind them that there is usually more than one way to get to where they want to go and that you'll be there to support them on whichever path they take. Of course you can only do that if you believe it yourself.

If you are very fixed in your own beliefs about what's possible and what's not, then you're going to feel the stress as well. The danger here is that your stress will add to that of your teen's. To avoid getting in this situation, explore what other options are available in the eventuality that things do not turn out in the way you want.

If your teen is not working hard enough

In this situation the person feeling the stress is you, the parent. Most parents will try one or more of the following methods.

Giving advice

Many parents will try motivating their teen by telling them how important it is to do well in the exam, how having good results will give them more choice and they will have a better chance of getting a job/going to college. Alternatively, if internal exams are involved, the message is about doing well so they can get into the 'right' groups or sets next year.

This form of motivation is unlikely to work, as it is often too general. Teens have heard all of these messages before so why should they act differently this time?

Use motivation by tying it in to something specific, something concrete that they can understand and feels real. Find something that they are interested in and see if you can link it to what they need to do. Sometimes you can then use the concept of needing to do something you don't want now so that you can achieve this specific thing that you do want later.

Bribery/reward

Some parents will resort to a form of bribery or reward as a motivator; I will give you a certain amount of money for each exam in which you achieve a specific grade or something similar.

Unfortunately using a reward system in this way is often doomed to failure. The outcome is just too far away in time to be an effective motivator; teens need a more immediate way in which to receive a reward.

Consequently it's much better to reward them for the working hard part, rather than just the outcome. Set up a system that rewards them for the amount of time they spend studying. Ensure you agree on how the system works or your teen will just refuse to take part.

Ensure also that you have a way of checking that they are in fact studying and not just pretending. Let them know that this is part of the agreement and then spend time asking them about what they've studied. You don't need to do this every time, just enough for them to realise that you will check.

Control

Many parents attempt to force their teen to work by using a form of control; you will only go out when you've studied for 3 hours.

Unfortunately this process rarely achieves anything positive, as the old saying goes 'you can force a horse to water but you can't make it drink'. Similarly you can force your teen to sit with their books but you can't force them to take in the knowledge.

The main result of this process is a deteriation in the parent teen relationship and negative feelings in all concerned.

A form of control can be used successfully, one whereby you and your teen form an agreement about how they are going to study. This can be set up similar to the reward system above, but in this case you would also set up consequences if your teen fails to keep to the agreement.

Great care needs taking in using any of these methods. Understanding what's really stopping your teen from working is key to the success or failure or your attempts.

If at the heart of the problem your teen rejects the whole academic system then there is little that you can do to get your teen studying. And that means using a whole new approach entirely.

Carol Shepley has been involved with teenagers for over 10 years and, as the parent of a teen herself, fully understands the pressures placed on parents and teens today. She now shares this knowledge and experience through her website http://www.growingupmatters.com so that parents can help their teens become resilient, resourceful and responsible adults.

Chicago limo Skokie ..

In The News:

Technology expert Kim Komando gives her tips and tricks on enhancing your user experience a smartphone and other devices you use everyday.

A new camera called NUCA uses artificial intelligence to create deepfake photos of subjects by stripping away clothing in close to real time.

The Kimberley Kube trail-ready camper has a compact but spacious design and combines luxury, functionality and ruggedness for a weekend getaway.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Emails instructing you to reset your password for an account may be legitimate, or they may be scams. Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explains.

Northrop Grumman's Manta Ray uncrewed underwater vehicle aims to revolutionize undersea missions — it glides through the ocean without human assistance.

Learn how to work Google's calendar application to streamline and organize your daily tasks from technology expert Kim Komando.

If you do not want Facebook to have automatic access to your private photos, follow our tips to protect yourself. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson shows you how.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson goes into detail about Apple’s recent iOS update that allows iPhone users to instantly translate spoken language simply by using the Action Button.

Safeguarding your digital life with a reliable physical backup isn't just a precaution, it's a necessity. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson provides the essential backup checklist.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals how a Redditor exposed false recycling claims at their apartment, highlighting a report that only 21% of U.S. recyclables are processed.

Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson offers a travel toolkit featuring five technology tools to help you with booking flights and hotels for your summer vacation.

The bubble behind the clock on your iPhone can appear in different colors. Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explains what each of those colors mean.

Scammers are using the power of artificial intelligence to mimic voices of people and are using the fake voices to commit crimes, like kidnappings.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Tech guru Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explains the science behind the Invisibility Shield, a 6-foot shield that makes people become invisible.

The International Olympic Committee on Friday announced plans to use AI in various Olympic aspects, including athlete identification, training and judging.

Tech guru Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explains an easy trick to avoid squinting while working or surfing the web by zooming in on your personal computer.

Streaming giant Roku has recently been targeted by a pair of cyberattacks, and the company confirmed over a half million Roku accounts were compromised.

The Land Aircraft Carrier combines an all-terrain, six-wheeled vehicle with a two-seat aircraft, which features electric vertical takeoff and landing.

The European Union has sent TikTok a "request for information" on the video sharing platform's newest app, TikTok Lite, under the Digital Services Act, with the aim to clean up social media.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

The FBI is warning the public about a recent phishing scam via text that claims its targets owe money in Pennsylvania for unpaid road toll charges.

Your Apple Music settings may be revealing to your contacts what you're listening to. Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explains the process to change those settings.

Learn how to secure social media accounts, implement legacy contacts, and create a digital estate plan to protect your online assets from 'ghost hackers' after your death.

Exams Cause Stress For Parents Too

Parenting