I remember when my daughter was born, later my son. According to many well meaning individuals, I should've done this, should've done that and maybe improved in some areas.
Most times I appreciated their pearls of wisdom because they made sense. At other times the line dividing the 'yes we can talk about this' crossed over into 'the no go zone' and I would bristle and spit like an angry cat! In the end, for my sanity, I did it my way.
I'm a granny now and I now provide well meaning advice to my daughter who is much like me ? you can well imagine what she's thinking!
I returned to the workforce within 12 months after each pregnancy, and every time I found I was in conflict with me. One part of me wanted to get out there again, and the other didn't want to leave my children. Although I was getting my life back, inwardly I still wondered whether I was doing the right thing or not. I worked through it with the support and love of very dear friends and now am glad I did things the way I did. I'm proud to say my children have turned out to be exceptional individuals who love me as much as I love them.
The following worked extremely well for me and may also do likewise for you:
1. Take the words of others in good grace ? accept what you know will be the most congruent for yourself and family. At the end of the day, friends, acquaintances and other family members who give advice on how you should be doing it, live under a different roof.
2. If confused about all the advice you receive from others, take some time to ask yourself "what is important to me in all this?"
3. Do yourself a favour - arm yourself with the knowledge that if you join support groups or socialise with others, there will be times you're going to receive unsolicited advice. Just smile and nod.
4. If you find yourself in states of hopelessness, sadness, and gloom you're unable to shake regardless of what you do ? seek help from professionals. I had post natal depression with both my children and it wasn't until I actually started to receive the help I needed that I could finally see the light around me.
5. Make a list of three different things you do each day that creates anxiety for you. With each point ask yourself the five questions below:
"What is the purpose of doing this?"
"How important is doing this, really?"
"What do I need to do now that will help reduce my anxiety?"
"What is the positive aspect of this?"
"What is it costing me?"
When you're done, put your list away and come back to it later. Once you read the list again, check if you still feel the same about the three points. If you do, brainstorm a few ideas on how you could do things differently. If the points no longer having pulling power and you're ok with it ? congratulate yourself!
6. Start a meditation program. Use this opportunity for some 'me time'. If you're new to meditation, there are some great how to books out there, CD's and meditation workshops. There's even an e-book titled 'Book of 10 Colour Meditation Scripts' so you can record your voice using these scripts written by yours truly.
7. Slowly start doing some of the things you used to prior to baby arriving ? it is possible. Start with the absolute smallest and gradually work your way up. I started writing bits of poetry, and lists, I often wrote lists and loved it.
8. Retain your identity by keeping in contact with friends ? even if it's only by phone.
9. Self esteem may plummet to an all time low; sleep deprivation a common event, and you may experience discomfort as your identity shifts from the old you to the new you. There is an upshot to all this (there's always one). You've taken on one of society's biggest roles ? that of motherhood with your child potentially a future leader of this country!
10. Enjoy and make the very most of this precious time because it will pass much too quickly. Although a grandmother now, I still remember the day my daughter and son was born. It's as clear as if it happened yesterday.
I've never been more exhausted than when my children were little. Sleep deprivation was torture so in order to cope I let go of being the perfect house cleaner, cook, and social butterfly ? the perfect someone. It simply wasn't important anymore and knew it was all there waiting for me when the time was right, and know it will for you too.
Michaela is a Transformational Coach, certified practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), writer and Metaphysician who is totally committed to helping others create positive and action oriented changes to their lives (see http://www.michaelascherr.com)
Michaela is the author of several e-books including Book of 10 Colour Meditation Scripts and publisher of a monthly newsletter called From My Desk.
Married to David, Michaela has two children and a grandchild and currently lives in Brisbane Australia.
Oswego taxi to Midway ..Research has shown that the present generation of children worldwide... Read More
Q. "What do you want to be when you grow... Read More
Few things are more completely enjoyable than becoming a grandparent.... Read More
The subject of competition is one that provokes some pretty... Read More
Ritalin has been shown through the years to be very... Read More
Home-schooling provides children with a superior education. Parents can quickly... Read More
The hot new reality TV show "Nanny 911" has been... Read More
I am crying tears of joy mixed with great sadness... Read More
Nothing touches the heartstrings of a parent more than the... Read More
According to the American Sleep Association 70% of all babies... Read More
Self esteem in an important quality for all children to... Read More
It's sometimes difficult to find ways to be involved with... Read More
Although many parents are concerned with our children's intelligence quotient... Read More
Everyone loves penguins. And now, everyone has a chance to... Read More
On a bright Sunday morning, a couple of weeks ago,... Read More
What a dreamer I am when thinking about parenthood. Most... Read More
Nanny 911 Interview with Montel WilliamsI saw an interview with... Read More
"All that I am or ever hope to be, I... Read More
As a mother of two sets of fraternal boy/girl twins,... Read More
Mary, Mary, quite contrary, How does your garden grow? With... Read More
You have a chore to do around the house, and... Read More
I've often thought that in 6 million years, archaeologists will... Read More
Nurture and TeachThe single most important thing caregivers can do... Read More
One of the implications of the current trend toward smaller... Read More
We all wish that our children should not smoke or... Read More
shuttle from Midway Morris ..Yesterday my husband Wade took the day off (that's one... Read More
Child tantrums are a way for children to express their... Read More
ADHD comes in differenty forms, or types. What... Read More
All of us, including your child, entered this world equipped... Read More
We all want to comfort our children after they suffer... Read More
When it comes to exams, or indeed any academic work,... Read More
Sometime the most effective training tool in rapidly accelerating the... Read More
If you are like most people today, you do not... Read More
Many public schools not only fail to educate our children,... Read More
I'll never forget my first lesson in a glider.I'd been... Read More
An address given by Rev. David B. Smith... Read More
"Family Matters" was the headline that caught my attention in... Read More
Most of our Founding Fathers, including Ben Franklin, Sam Adams,... Read More
Let's face it.The job market is getting tougher every day.Computerization... Read More
Bullies are an ugly but very real part of childhood.... Read More
AD/HD (attention deficit disorder) is one of the most common... Read More
Do you want to create a deeper, more loving relationship... Read More
From the book Spider's Night on the BoomI've only begun... Read More
Home schooling benefits children. As a parent, I feel it... Read More
Q. "What do you want to be when you grow... Read More
The formula is pretty straightforward: energy in/energy out. This is... Read More
What do you do when your child begins talking to... Read More
Valentine day has always been a special day in my... Read More
The initial state of happiness about an own child is... Read More
Everyone loves penguins. And now, everyone has a chance to... Read More
Parenting |