Home
>
Positive Attitude Tips
>
A Major Block to Constructive Change

A Major Block to Constructive Change

A Yale University study a few years ago revealed that the average child is scolded - criticized - over 20,000 times between the ages of two and ten. Mom says, "No, Charlie - don't touch that!" Or a teacher says, "Jackie, that's not the way to do it!" All those "Nos" and "shouldn'ts" add up to a predisposition toward self-criticism that we must look at before we can truly change our lives.

Self-criticism is a major barrier to change.

Since we've all been "taught" to doubt our abilities and our judgement, it's no wonder that our brain constantly feeds back to us those negative thoughts, even when there's no outside critic present. Doesn't that also explain why, when we fail at something, it's hard to try again? Of course. Our inner critic tries to tell us that we can NEVER do that or be that! This article begins with a technique for learning how to "hear" your inner critic clearly...an exercise in "hearing." Then we'll look at how you can redirect your brain -- to silence the inner critic -- and then to set it up with new messages that are not negative, damning or damaging.

The first job is to locate that "inner voice." Your first move here is to discover exactly where that voice is coming from inside your brain. As you enter one of those moments when your head tells you something like "What if I mess up?" -- immediately close your eyes (this is important, you need to cut yourself off from other stimuli) and tell yourself, "I'm listening to my head talk." Ask yourself, "Where is the voice located in my head?" Is it in the front of your skull or at the back? Behind your eyes? Between your ears? Low in the brain just above your spinal column? You'll get an impression, I guarantee it.

When you've located the source, open your eyes and write down the words you're hearing...or, if you're more of an auditory person, say the words you're hearing OUT LOUD so that you can hear them coming in from an external source. This may sound crazy, but locating your inner voice will actually make it easier to tune in to it and to get it out of the way as you replace the old thoughts with new ones.

Once you've located the source of the inner critic, begin to listen to the vocabulary of the criticisms. What are the words themselves? Are you hearing EXTREME words like ALWAYS, NEVER, EVERYBODY, NOBODY...? These extreme words are ABSOLUTES. You got them years ago, but they don't serve you now. What's going to work will be RELATIVE words, as we'll show you a bit later.

Are you hearing NEGATIVE words like CAN'T, SHOULDN'T, WON'T or WOULDN'T...? These words only need to be eliminated. They don't need to be replaced with positive words, only with positive feelings...again, we'll get into that more a little later.

One suggestion...consciously slow down the rate of your inner critical speech. This way you'll hear it all more clearly, and you'll be able to focus more easily on the painfulness of each individual word.

Now listen to the tone of voice of your inner critic. I'll bet that it sounds belittling, condescending, critically harsh and abrasive. Right? Where do you think all that came from...not only the words, but also the tone? You'll be working on modifying that inner voice to be gentler, softer, kinder, more encouraging, less discouraging. But first we've got to reach the negative stuff and cut it off.

What I'm describing now is, of course, a process. You're not going to be able to silence your inner critic in a moment, nor will you be able to open up to positive thoughts after all these years of negative stuff. Maybe you could benefit from writing down your inner critic's statements in a little notebook. Jot down the situation in which the thoughts occurred, the wording of the thoughts, your remarks about the tone of the thoughts...and don't forget to note the date and time. You'll soon be surprised to notice just how often these critical thoughts arise!

The basic cut-off technique, though, is to pay attention to those negative thoughts and, as soon as one begins, instruct your brain to say, "STOP!" If you're alone, saying "STOP" out loud is even more powerful. And the faster you interrupt, the better. By the way, say only "STOP!" If you go further, it may be to say, "STOP, STUPID...there I go again, why can't I get this right? Won't I ever learn?" Guess what...you won't make progress by cutting off a negative thought with another negative thought! The point here is that you need to be hard on your negative thoughts but not hard on yourself. Take it easy, but be firm with your errant mind. Just say "STOP!" Now that you know how to stop the thought process, you need a tool for re-programming your mind so that the thought doesn't come back again later. The answer is to switch your thinking, immediately. Distract your mind. Think about something neutral, like your thumbnail, the pen in your hand...something that doesn't have any negative charge on it. Even better, if you can, substitute a positive thought. My favorite, one I use virtually every day, is "I'm part of the solution." This, of course, is the answer to the negative thought that IS the PROBLEM!

Eventually you'll probably be able to anticipate your negative thoughts. You'll see them coming before they arrive. Sometimes negative thinking is a function of your mood. You'll begin to see this, too, as you go along, and when a downside mood creeps in you'll be able to head it off at the pass with some positive stuff like:

? thinking about the things you like about yourself

? thinking about things you like to do

? thinking about your most recent triumph or accomplishment.

Gradually you'll reverse the negative pattern. Just remember and do these three simple steps:

? listen to your thoughts?

? stop your thoughts?

? switch your thoughts?

?and you'll find your way of thinking re-arranging itself. Soon you won't have the negative thoughts as frequently. Eventually, you may extinguish them and discover yourself to be a thoroughly positive person.

Paul McNeese is CEO of Optimum Performance Associates, a consulting firm specializing in transitional and transformational change for individuals and institutions through publication. His publishing company, OPA Publishing, is an advocacy for self-publishing authors of informational, instructional, inspirational and insightful nonfiction.

Email: pmcneese@opapublishing.com
Websites: pmcneese@opapublishing.com and pmcneese@opapublishing.com

Rolling Meadows Cadillac Escalade rental .. Lockport Chicago limo O’Hare

In The News:

These 35 Chrome extensions have privacy and security concerns. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says to delete them now.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says 329,000 mph fusion rocket promises to be fast, disruptive and enable deep-space missions.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says a new autonomous AI is a game changer that also raises privacy risks. Is your data safe?

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says robots and drones are revolutionizing fruit farming with faster picking and smarter handling.

Landmark Admin revises May 2024 cyberattack scope to show twice as many people were affected. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson gives tips to help stay safe from an insurance data breach.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson talks about how Yamaha’s hydrogen outboard motor could revolutionize boating with zero emissions.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals how to memorialize or remove a deceased loved one’s Facebook account and protect their digital legacy from misuse or scams.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says an Apple Watch saved psychiatrist Amanda Faulkner by detecting deadly leukemia early.

Scammers and fraudsters are increasingly targeting the most vulnerable, especially nursing homes and the personal data of their residents. Kurt the CyberGuy has safety tips.

Infected USB flash drives can spread malware among multiple organizations in ways that can easily bypass traditional security systems.

With a fully automated warehouse system and AI-powered robots, Ocado's Hive picks, packs and delivers grocery store orders in just a few minutes.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Recycling robots are using artificial intelligence to learn how to sort recyclables by recognizing patterns in colors, textures, shapes and logos.

The Reachy 2 robot is designed to be friendly and approachable, inviting natural interaction and is perfect for research, education and experimenting with embodied AI.

Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson shares several easy ways to keep your credit cards safe from digital thieves while you're traveling this summer.

Arcturus sets up cameras around the edges of baseball stadiums to capture real-time action and generate a 3D digital clone of the game.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

The CyberGuy explains why healthcare organizations are vulnerable to hackers after there have been a half dozen data breaches this year.

Developed at two California universities, the innovative technology combines brain-computer interfaces with advanced AI to decode neural activity into audible speech.

Microsoft patches 12 critical flaws, but six have already been exploited by criminals. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says updating your system is only a short-term fix.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses how robots can milk, feed and clean cows on dairy farms, boosting efficiency and comfort.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says quantum internet ensures unhackable security and redefines online privacy and speed.

Kawasaki's CORLEO is a hydrogen-powered, AI-driven rideable robot. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reports on this new way of thinking about off-road transportation.

The CyberGuy breaks down five mobile privacy terms that could make a difference when it comes to keeping your personal information safe.

A Major Block to Constructive Change

Positive Attitude Tips