1) It's not my (pot, beer, cigarettes, etc.), I'm just keeping it for someone else.
Yeah right. The next question for the parent to ask is, "If you are keeping this for your friend, what is your friend keeping for you?" One of the reasons parents can get fooled here is that you so desperately want to believe that it is not theirs and they are not doing drugs. It's important to remember that this is something your teen might be counting on.
2) When caught with drugs - This is just the first time I've tried it.
Unlikely. Usually when kids get caught with and/or using some drugs, they have been doing it awhile. They have simply slipped up, gotten caught, and are trying to find a quick way out of it.
3) We don' have homework in that class
Sometimes this is true. Or they have already done it at school. Often times it's a good excuse for not doing homework, or for covering up for skipping class. Either way, it's one of the easiest to check out by talking with the teacher. Which parents need to be doing anyway.
4) The teacher doesn't like me
Maybe so. This is usually just a handy excuse for bad grades or getting in trouble. Either way, it's the kid's job to find a way to make it work, even if the teacher doesn't like them. It's simply practice for the real world, where not everyone is going to like you; sometimes even bosses or co-workers. The interesting thing about this one is the teens solution to the problem. It goes something like this - "Well, the teacher doesn't like me, so I'll show them by flunking the class." And who is this hurting?
5) Of course there will be parents at the party
The answer to this one is, "If that's true, then you certainly won't mind me calling up your friend's parents to see if there is anything I can do to help."
6) Everyone else gets to do it, so why can't I?
Another popular one designed to make parents feel guilty and old fashioned, so they will give in to something they think is wrong. My mother had a wonderfully confusing answer to this one; "If everyone else stood on their head in the middle of the street at three in the morning in their underwear, would you?" Probably would have.
7) Everyone drinks and smokes. There's not a single person my age who doesn't.
Many, many teenagers do. But not each and every one. I know of plenty who do not and have a very good time with what they do. Another one designed to get parents to tolerate behavior they don't like.
8) If you let me off just this once, I'll promise I'll never do it again.
Another one parents want so badly to believe. Unfortunately, what the teenager usually learns here is that the parent really doesn't mean it about consequences. While in some ways it might be easier to let them off the hook, it teaches very little about the real world.
9 & 10) Give me one good reason why I can't do that!
This one gets two places because it is so common and so important. The crucial part not to believe here is that they are really asking for a legitimate answer to the question. After giving a well reasoned adult answer, here is something you will not hear from your teenager, "Well, thank you for explaining it that way to me folks! And now that you have, not only do I no longer what to do that, I'm embarrassed and ashamed for asking. Please forgive me and good night." If your teen ever says this, call me quickly, something is really wrong!
Jeff Herring, MS, LMFT, is a marriage and family therapist specializing in working with teenagers and their parents. A nationally syndicated relationship columnist and speaker, Jeff is also the founder and CEO of http://www.parentingyourteenager.com, where you can subscribe to his f'ree internet newsletter "ParentingYourTeenager." E-mail Jeff at http://www.parentingyourteenager.com
licensed cleaning services Park Ridge ..An apology is a sign of strength, not weakness. Sometimes... Read More
Do you want your child to cooperate with you more?Children... Read More
It is hard to believe that summer is coming to... Read More
Now is an excellent time to have your child's vision... Read More
I look out of the window as I am writing... Read More
Successful parents have learned to be both firm and kind... Read More
Annie easily slipped into becoming the sole caregiver of her... Read More
It's been said, time and again, that for a child... Read More
First there were Yuppies (Young Urban Professionals). Then came the... Read More
Having a high level of emotional intelligence in your children... Read More
The initial state of happiness about an own child is... Read More
No matter what you say or do, your kids will... Read More
In today's busy world, many parents have lost the art... Read More
Paula's last child had just gone off to college and... Read More
O.K. I've heard it a hundred times from my prison... Read More
"Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing... Read More
The snow was getting heavier with each lift of the... Read More
Sex has a lot to answer for ? babies usually... Read More
You may think once your child has gone off to... Read More
The question I have for you drives right to the... Read More
I could nearly fund my children's future education if I... Read More
For over fifty years, public-school officials and politicians have tried... Read More
'Whose room is it anyway?'If you have a teenager, you're... Read More
Q. What's the right age to start giving a Bible... Read More
Saying no to our children is not always easy or... Read More
on demand house cleaning Arlington Heights ..Are you a parent concerned about passing values on to... Read More
One reason public schools get away with educational failure, year... Read More
Optimists do better academically, socially and enjoy better health than... Read More
You no longer have to use Ritalin or other stimulants... Read More
Is it possible to be using our children addictively?Anything that... Read More
This may come as a surprise, but many parents are... Read More
All children will likely have many different health problems during... Read More
At age seven months in the womb, humans begin language... Read More
Research has shown that the present generation of children worldwide... Read More
Kitchens are where everything happens. It's not just where meals... Read More
The citizens of the early Roman Republic enjoyed an education... Read More
Demanding children ? children who have entitlement issues ? seem... Read More
As a parent there are lots of things that you... Read More
Q. How do I overcome the 16-year-old who does things... Read More
Is there a way to build a robot to help... Read More
I recall somewhere in the recesses of my aging brain... Read More
Ok. So you're a dad to be. If you're like... Read More
There isn't a school day that goes by that I... Read More
When you talk about multiply your child's intelligence, you can't... Read More
A number of scientific studies have shown the way a... Read More
When my oldest boy was really young, he tickled my... Read More
I hear from many parents that their child is stressed... Read More
Meningitis is an inflammation of the membranes around the brain... Read More
I am a single mother of a 17 year old... Read More
Sometimes a change of perspective can make a huge difference... Read More
Parenting |