Best friends! It may seem impossible to believe, but today's teens do want to consider their parents as friends, even though they think we could never understand the realities of their world. They are also interested in what it was like being a teenager during the Stone Age. Life without cell phones or the Internet must have been unimaginable!
So even with this interest, can parents and teens really become best friends when competing with busy schedules, and raging hormones? The answer is a resounding YES?and it is worth the effort!
What is important to understand is that both of you have to want the new relationship on a long-term basis. You cannot appear to be going through the motions, or acting like you are fitting this new relationship into your busy schedules.
As a father, I knew I was a good provider. I put food on the table, a roof over my teen's head, and helped fund those great sales that saved me so much money.
As important as the father role is, it was improving the "Dad" role that allowed me to develop a lasting relationship with my daughter. This also helped me with my two stepsons. Essentially, I modified the communication and problem-solving skills that I successfully used at work to improve my relationship with my teens.
The following are the ten ways that will help you to become one of your teenager's best friends:
1. Define what trust meant to each of you. Agree that there will be no games or hidden agendas-just honesty-to build the trust.
2. Agree that mutual trust is earned by exhibiting consistent behavior. The amount of trust that you develop will be proportionate to the amount of freedom that they will enjoy.
3. Anything that is discussed with you must be kept in the strictest of confidence. This will help reinforce the trust.
4. Talk to them as adults while remembering that they are still kids. This allows for flexibility during those trying adolescent years.
5. Become an attentive listener. Multitasking may be necessary at work, however it will make you appear distracted when discussing something important with your teenager. Learn to focus.
6. Ask the right questions without appearing to interrogate them. It is important that they not fear coming to you to discuss what is important to them. It is equally important that they feel that you will take the time to understand what they are trying to communicate.
7. Do not judge them for their actions or ever say, "I told you so! This helps in having them continue to come to you to discuss topics, and encourages them to do things better the next time.
8. When helping them with problem solving, discuss the desired outcomes first, and what they need to do to resolve their problem. Then allow them to proactively make their own decisions based upon the facts rather than reacting to their emotions.
9. Set guidelines instead of making rules for them to follow. They should have input into the guidelines, and then be expected to follow them. They will perceive this as fair and in their best interests.
10. "Hang out" together as oppose to just spending time together. Remember that there is a difference between motion and productivity, so make your time together interactive. For example, if you go to a movie, then go for an ice cream and discuss the movie. Or play some "one on one" games or sports. Do what best friends do!
If you want to be a better parent, don't forget the child within you. All too often, we get so wrapped up in being an adult that we forget how to have fun and enjoy life. I found that by using my imagination, I rekindled my creativity, and this made me an "okay guy" for my teenagers to hang out with.
About The Author
V. Michael Santoro, M. Ed. coauthored, "Realizing the Power of Love," with his teenage daughter Jennifer S. Santoro. For more information, a free e-zine and more free articles, visit their Web site at http://www.dads-daughters.com
licensed cleaning services Park Ridge ..Advocate: you've probably heard the term before. But what does... Read More
Many of us have grown up drinking caffeinated diet sodas... Read More
Everyone in a private practice setting who works with children... Read More
Sometime the most effective training tool in rapidly accelerating the... Read More
When my daughter was born, I must admit there was... Read More
Not all parents subscribe to the notion of "tough love,"... Read More
Reasearch into children's friendships shows that those children who are... Read More
I have always been aware of my number one weakness:... Read More
Ever feel like you're out of the loop when it... Read More
In stepfamilies, big holiday expectations can lead to big disappointment--and... Read More
Potty training fears, often called toilet terrors, are common among... Read More
Anyone can splurge on a formal dinner or a pricey... Read More
1. They can make mistakes under your guidance2. They will... Read More
The Internet, is magnificent in its resources for families. Educational... Read More
Dining in a restaurant with kids can be very enervating... Read More
One of the few decisions you'll make during pregnancy that... Read More
Graphology for Child development.:- Graphology is the science of understanding... Read More
1. Encourage Questions.Don't answer every question, instead ask what do... Read More
Child care costs are are one of the most expensive... Read More
Do you have a wild child? Then this article may... Read More
Few things are more completely enjoyable than becoming a grandparent.... Read More
Wooden toys are one of the best alternatives for the... Read More
There is no doubt that the benefits of being a... Read More
My cousin boasts five names and I confess that when... Read More
Dexedrine is not prescribed very often for the treatment of... Read More
on demand house cleaning Arlington Heights ..Impulsivity is one of the hallmarks of people with Attention... Read More
There are two methods for teaching children to read; whole... Read More
When we talk about attention, we are talking about two... Read More
Many families, ours included, have learned that breakfast is eaten... Read More
I have always been aware of my number one weakness:... Read More
If your child has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder then at... Read More
How on earth can you help your family cope with... Read More
Often I have heard that leaders are born, not made.... Read More
There isn't a school day that goes by that I... Read More
"Hugging is healthy: it helps the body's immunity system, it... Read More
Ever feel like you're out of the loop when it... Read More
Reading to your child at a young age is one... Read More
Much has been said about the "gifted child" but in... Read More
Vacations are fun ! Weekends with the family are nice.... Read More
Do you want your child to cooperate with you more?Children... Read More
I am crying tears of joy mixed with great sadness... Read More
Something eerily familiar happened in KwaZulu-Natal's Hluhluwe-Umfolozi Park in Africa... Read More
My son, Dakota is now 7 yrs old. He is... Read More
There is no doubt that the benefits of being a... Read More
I wanted to share with you one of the most... Read More
Q. My daughter is a junior in high school and... Read More
In stepfamilies, big holiday expectations can lead to big disappointment--and... Read More
In today's mental health system there is a pattern of... Read More
Be aware. You may become totally overwhelmed when you get... Read More
Past experience with federal education programs predicts that the No... Read More
Parenting |