Frankly, as a single parent of young children, I struggled. But, as the single parent of teenagers, I stunk! Faced with the reality of children who could (and did) do whatever they really, really wanted to do, I was often baffled.
Functioning as the caregiver of two adult parents, I again find myself baffled. But I am sure of one thing -- It's no wonder many caregivers die before the elders they care for! They simply wear out!
Consider this recent exchange:
ME: "How is that new medication working?"
PARENT: "It doesn't work. I still feel sick."
ME: "OK, call the doctor and tell him."
PARENT: "I can't. He doesn't answer calls on the weekend."
ME: "Well, someone does."
PARENT: "No, they just tell me to go to the emergency room."
ME: "OK, call the doctor's office on Monday."
PARENT: "Well, he doesn't have anything better to offer."
ME: "How do you know?"
PARENT: "He never does."
ME: "Well, call anyway, OK?"
PARENT: "He doesn't pay any attention to me."
ME: "He can't help if he doesn't know you're still sick. So, call, OK?"
PARENT: mumbles something unintelligible.
ME on MONDAY: "Did you call the doctor?"
PARENT: "No, I'm feeling better today."
ME: "Well, how about I go to the doctor with you?"
PARENT: "No, I'm not a child. And I don't want you treating me like one!"
I've run headlong into these issues more and more often of late. It's enough to drive you to drink - or whatever it is you do to deal with unending frustration. After all, these are my parents - and they are adults. . .or at least they used to be.
Could I get help? You can guess the answer! Something about hell freezing over.
I'm not about to win this battle, but I could use a friend during some of the more serious skirmishes. Here are a few things that could really lift my spirits:
Come over. Don't send flowers. They're just something else to take care of. But a home-cooked meal would be great.
Stay and serve it. Even greater!
Call often. Not me, my parents. Give them someone else to vent to.
Be a chauffer. Take them to the doctor, to shop, whatever. Just take them off my hands for a little while.
Start a "Caregiver's Day Out" at your church, synagogue or temple. Give me a break - just a few hours would be wonderful.
Suggest a companion from the Senior Corps. These retired adults spend 10-20 hours each week being a companion to shut-ins. If you're retired, consider becoming one yourself.
Lobby your Representatives and Senators for more funding for Adult Day Care Centers. The nearest one to me is 45 miles away and does not provide transportation.
Some people believe that life is a school with lessons for each of us. If so, my lesson is patience. I know I have to grow it for myself. . .but, please, rally round in the meanwhile. My patience cells are still infants!
About The Author
Phyllis Staff, Ph.D. - Phyllis Staff is an experimental psychologist and the CEO of The Best Is Yet.Net, an internet company that helps seniors and caregivers find trustworthy residential care. She is the author of How to Find Great Senior Housing: A Roadmap for Elders and Those Who Love Them. She is also the daughter of a victim of Alzheimer's disease. Visit the author's web site at http://www.thebestisyet.net
licensed cleaning services Park Ridge ..There's a new kind of fun and calm out there... Read More
Looking back through my files I've come across several great... Read More
I was changing Ford's diaper the other day when he... Read More
Last week in my newsletter, I mentioned that... Read More
Dear MomOn this day set aside to honour "Mother's" let... Read More
I could nearly fund my children's future education if I... Read More
This time, I would like to talk about a subject... Read More
How excited do kids get with the start of school... Read More
Parental Alienation Syndrome was probably first identified and codified by... Read More
You need to smart to be able influence adolescents. You... Read More
Start some gardening traditions with your kids. Give them their... Read More
Becoming a stepmother can undoubtedly be one of the most... Read More
Have you ever watched your teenager make a mistake (that... Read More
Nanny 911 Interview with Montel WilliamsI saw an interview with... Read More
1. You reheated the same cup of coffee three times... Read More
Have you ever wondered why toys for babies tend to... Read More
College is one of the largest expenses through the course... Read More
Researching career education uncovered the following shocking statistic: The average... Read More
Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her room... Read More
Q. My daughter is a junior in high school and... Read More
The hot new reality TV show "Nanny 911" has been... Read More
Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More
Younger generations unfortunately will not understand how larger than life... Read More
Child Car Seat Safety:We know you love your children, but... Read More
O.K. I've heard it a hundred times from my prison... Read More
on demand house cleaning Arlington Heights ..Many parenting books advise against eating out with young children.... Read More
After giving up my profession to become a wife, a... Read More
Economist John Kenneth Galbraith has said that more people die... Read More
You can learn a lot from children.The best part of... Read More
"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine,... Read More
Q: A parent writes in to ask, "You write a... Read More
Here are some tips that I have picked up from... Read More
The initial state of happiness about an own child is... Read More
As mothers, we play so many different roles and most... Read More
Learning responsibility is an ever widening and lifelong process.As thinking,... Read More
In this form of treatment for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder... Read More
What parent hasn't gone into a son's or daughter's room... Read More
Self esteem in an important quality for all children to... Read More
"He is happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds... Read More
Now is an excellent time to have your child's vision... Read More
What is in a name?The answer is everything!Jo J. of... Read More
Isn't the technology of today is amazing?! Between the speed... Read More
Childhood friendships are as special as they are a necessary... Read More
You have a chore to do around the house, and... Read More
Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her room... Read More
It is hard to believe that summer is coming to... Read More
Are you looking for the Ultimate Airplane Themed Party Games... Read More
On a bright Sunday morning, a couple of weeks ago,... Read More
My son is 6 yrs old. He came home the... Read More
The No Child Left Behind Act of 2001 is making... Read More
Parenting |