As parents, we strive to address all of the questions asked by our children. If we don't have the answer, or don't like the question, we would never think of ignoring the child. We do not accept improper communication as acceptable behavior. Most parents, however, are quick to excuse or overlook the behavior of their child when he / she reacts the same way and are often left wondering when the lines of communication broke.
Picture this: Five year-old Jason is riding home from school with his father. Jay's favorite CD, the Shrek soundtrack, is in the player and while he usually sings along, today he doesn't appear to be paying attention to it. Two blocks away from their house, they pass the softball field where a game is in progress. Dad announces "Jay, when we get home, you're going to need to clean-up all the toys on the floor in your room. We wouldn't want anyone to fall." Jay doesn't respond. Dad knows that cleaning up toys is one of Jay's least favorite activities so he waits a few moments and tries again. Still no response.
In the pause between tracks on the Shrek CD, Dad tries to get Jay's attention again by simply speaking louder, keeping his tone warm and pleasant. And again, his comment is met with no acknowledgement from his child. Turning on to their street, Dad loses his patience and raises his voice, barking a command that Jay is to march straight to his room and clean up his toys "for the fourth time!" Jolted to action, Jay rushes out of the car when they return home and heads straight to his room, not emerging until dinner time.
The interaction between Jay and his father is the result of a non-verbal agreement between them. Reinforced by previous similar exchanges, Jay's parents have fostered an environment where they have tolerated his lack of response to their directions, and he has learned that his lack of communication is acceptable behavior.
Children are by nature easily distracted and not always responsive to their environment. It is the responsibility of the parent to emphasize positive patterns of communication and ensure the child learns that ignoring communication is not acceptable. Early prevention, in the form of educating your child about the proper forms of communication, is the key to ensuring that the non-verbal agreement does not take hold.
If your child has already grown accustomed to this style of communication, here are some essentials to assist you in addressing the situation:
Talk: To your child, and explain to them in age-appropriate terms how they are communicating and why it doesn't work.
Show: Your child how to communicate effectively, even when the questions are hard. Role-play a conversation to show them a more effective way to communicate.
Practice: Be sure you are aware of yourself and the way in which you communicate to others. Children model adult behaviors. Be sure you are not guilty of poor patterns of communication with your spouse or parenting partner.
Be Consistent: Be constant in the manner in which you communicate with you child. Send the same message with each and every interaction. Allow your child to see that you will call their attention to those times that the unwanted behavior rears its ugly head.
Remember: Kids will be kids and they will sometimes be distractive and non-communicative. You are the expert in knowing your child's behavior and can best judge the improvement in their communications. The best way to ensure healthy communication patterns is to model positive communication skills.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Dr. Charles Sophy currently serves as Medical Director for the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS), which is responsible for the health, safety and welfare of nearly 40,000 foster children. He also has a private psychiatry practice in Beverly Hills, California. Dr. Sophy has lectured extensively and is an Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the University of California Los Angeles Neuro-Psychiatric Institute. His lectures and teachings are consistently ranked as among the best by those in attendance.
Dr. Charles Sophy, author of the "Keep 'Em Off My Couch" blog, provides real simple answers for solving life's biggest problems. He specializes in improving the mental health of children. To contact Dr. Sophy, visit his blog at http://drsophy.com.
experienced cleaning professionals Northbrook ..So you want to be a mum? Every time you... Read More
One of the few decisions you'll make during pregnancy that... Read More
Q: A parent writes in to ask, "You write a... Read More
Would you like your child to be the best that... Read More
Your child's leadership skills begin at the family dinner table.... Read More
When a parent is deployed with the military it can... Read More
What would it be like to have a clone? What... Read More
Did you know that the number of twin births have... Read More
What parent hasn't gone into a son's or daughter's room... Read More
Winifred or Willow? Thomas or Troy? The name you choose... Read More
Some years ago when touring the Scottish Highlands, a man... Read More
Summer Survival The... Read More
You have two kids who are 14 months apart. How... Read More
Whether children attend public or private schools, they benefit when... Read More
Spare the rod, spoil the child!This philosophy's been around a... Read More
Recently, our family had the opportunity to care for sisters'... Read More
Giving advice to a teenager is very easy; getting a... Read More
How do we deal with our seriously distressed children and... Read More
Most research into children's friendships shows that those children who... Read More
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Results of the Spanking Poll on Rexanne.com: Voters - 233Percentage... Read More
Often I have heard that leaders are born, not made.... Read More
Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her room... Read More
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience... Read More
The wonderful adaptability of children in dealing with the challenges... Read More
I recently heard a story that has literally changed the... Read More
best value cleaning service Northbrook ..All of us, including your child, entered this world equipped... Read More
Are you worried about your child's reading habits? Perhaps you... Read More
"There is nothing new under the sun," states Ecclesiastes 1:9.... Read More
For the most positive daycare experience for your child, partner... Read More
Young people generally want to fit in to their various... Read More
Is there anything wrong with lying, cheating, stealing, shop-lifting, taking... Read More
No matter what you say or do, your kids will... Read More
Using 14 "at" Flashcards To Teach Reading:This exercise helps your... Read More
Well first off, please to don't institute the ? hour... Read More
What you say and do about money has a profound... Read More
Incest is sexual activity, ranging from fondling to intercourse, between... Read More
Although many parents are concerned with our children's intelligence quotient... Read More
Pool safety should be on the minds of every parent... Read More
"How many times do I have to tell you to... Read More
Bedtime and children's sleep habits can cause nightmares - for... Read More
Q. I don't like my children spending so much time... Read More
Are you considering a car wash fundraiser for your group?... Read More
Many young people don't know how to study efficiently and... Read More
It can be hard being a parent with a teen... Read More
Is it hard to communicate with your teenager about issues... Read More
Although many children are picky eaters at some stage in... Read More
Q. We are getting to the stage with our kids... Read More
In our last issue we posted some of our suggested... Read More
One of the most prevalent myths of our modern culture... Read More
This article on parenting is by a practicing relationship counsellor/therapist,... Read More
| Parenting |