Here's the scene of communication with your child: your three-year-old boy is bawling his eyes out. Hurriedly, you run over, and ask "What's wrong?". But no answer is spoken, the tears just keep coming out, and the vocal cords just keep on saying "waaaaaaah!".
You start talking to him in that sweet and soft voice of yours to cajole him to tell you what his problem is. You really want him to calm down now. But when he's asked questions like "Is something hurting you?" or "Are you hungry?" he doesn't answer. He just keeps on crying.
Your sweet soft voice keeps on going, hoping to find that magic breakthrough to get him to stop crying. After a while, the frustration builds up within you. You just can't get through to him. He's just not saying anything. The smoke starts to build up in your ears. You want to help, but there's this communication barrier now between you and your boy. So you persist, but still your boy ain't budging from his bawling.
So now what are you going to do?
What you're dealing with here is an issue of communication. Communication between people is a very complex process involving language, symbolism, nuances, non-verbal signals and so on. All the more so with young children. Because of their young age and lack of education, development and experience in communicating themselves, they can often have nearly-impossible-to-overcome barriers in trying to express themselves.
You probably wish to have the kind of home environment where:
not only your kids say what they think or feel but also... you can understand them all the time. You need to break down those barriers of communication that keep you from fulfilling your relationships with your kids. You can be a part of their lives in a very healthy and helpful way.
Would you believe that children who are actually good and well-meaning become "bad" children simply because they are frustrated over wanting to express a simple feeling or idea? Imagine this: They want or need something. But they cannot express it because they don't know how.
So they do what they know. Like doing something around the house that's not allowed -break a toy, scream, cry, pull their younger sibling's hair, etc.
Do you (or any other parent) want such a thing in your home? Probably not.
You can find out for yourself that with a few steps, you can go a long way to overcoming some of these communication barriers. Develop routines and habits with your children during those times when all is going well, so that when the crisis does come, you are already prepared for it. It works the same way as preventive medicine. Work with the issue BEFORE it becomes a problem.
On your own you can try a few of these pointers. Have in your mind the goal that you want to achieve- a freely flowing communication with your children. You and your children should be able to talk to one another in a very calm expressive way using words, sentences, gestures, facial expressions and the like. (Note: This means that yelling and screaming in anger is NOT considered a healthy communication. It will often result in the listener reacting to the outburst in a unhealthy way. This is especially true for when parents yell at their children.)
Take upon yourself to try some of the following exercises, and see what the results are:
1) Show the child that you are ready to listen and pay full attention to what the child is saying. Let the child feel that there is someone who is going to try to listen to them. This will cut down on the degree of frustration for the child.
2) Encourage the child to talk in full sentences if possible. Sometimes children (who can actually talk properly) often just whine, cry, or say one-word expressions, simply because they are accustomed to doing so.
3) Prepare different options for the child to express himself- signs, objects, drawing, etc. You need to be creative here. Sometimes ideas can be expressed in the most unconventional ways- e.g. a child can create a scenario with toy figures.
4) Make sure you are able to repeat to the child what the child said to you. This is a crucial part of the process because for the child this is the guaranteed confirmation that you understood the child's expression.
Story: Someone hit 6-year-old Sally. Sally comes home crying. Mommy keeps on asking Sally what happened, but for some reason she can't say it in words. Mommy takes Sally by the hand and brings her over to the art table where there is some paper and some big fat kiddie markers ready for her. Sally sits down and starts drawing in her 5-year-old way the following picture: stick figures of a little girl and a little boy. The boy has his hand on the girl's face. Mommy sees this and figures that the boy is hitting the girl in the face. She asks Sally if this is so. Sally nods. "AHA!" thinks Mommy. "now I understand....."
Joseph Browns, a father and creator of the site http://www.home-educational-toys.com wants to share his experiences and expertise in how parents can find valuable opportunities for quality time with children to acquire priceless family memories. A total environment approach is taken, dealing with issues like educational toys, parent-child relationships, environmental + interior design, health, communication skills, and child education. For a picture of myself come see http://www.home-educational-toys.com
green cleaning service Park Ridge ..'How can I start getting my children to help out... Read More
Do you struggle to get your child to bed at... Read More
Few things are more completely enjoyable than becoming a grandparent.... Read More
Seven-year old Michael was on a school trip to a... Read More
"In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't... Read More
Vinegar or honey, what do kids really want? "Toys, candy,... Read More
Fizzy sherbet in a paper bag with a strawberry lollipop... Read More
In 1996-97 we were contracted by VAXA International of Tampa,... Read More
So you're pregnant. Congratulations! Your life is about to change... Read More
The teenage years are a crucial time in a child's... Read More
Parents, when you help your children learn to read, you... Read More
In memory of 14 year old Matthew Smith; 11 year... Read More
For troubled teens who are struggling with drug abuse, depression... Read More
For first time parents choosing a swing set or outdoor... Read More
They Spur Members To Grow EmotionallyTatiana Tannenbaum grappled with a... Read More
This article on parenting is by a practicing relationship counsellor/therapist,... Read More
There are only two ways to get more money:1) Increase... Read More
Congratulations on your new baby! You have just brought your... Read More
(Excerpted from Jim Rohn's 2004 Weekend Leadership Event)You have to... Read More
It was a hot summer day in august and The... Read More
Plus size children and overweight children need patterns and clothing... Read More
There are a lot of sophisticated parenting theories and techniques... Read More
"Get down from the table top right now! What are... Read More
What one word best sums up summer fun? Water. I... Read More
Vacations are fun ! Weekends with the family are nice.... Read More
cleaning help near Bannockburn ..Now is an excellent time to have your child's vision... Read More
When we talk about attention, we are talking about two... Read More
Everyone in a private practice setting who works with children... Read More
When a child is born, a new number is added... Read More
I had my first two children on either side of... Read More
The subject of competition is one that provokes some pretty... Read More
1. Boundaries are necessary for control and safety.All children need... Read More
Is there a way to build a robot to help... Read More
Parents play a critical role in their child's success. These... Read More
If I had a dollar for every time I persuaded... Read More
MYTH: If you have not parented as well as you... Read More
There are many reasons for treating your twins as individuals... Read More
Why Me?"We should certainly count our blessings, but we should... Read More
Dear MomOn this day set aside to honour "Mother's" let... Read More
The older my daughter gets the more it's sinking in... Read More
One of the challenges for parents with a gifted child... Read More
A strange thing happened to me today. Or more precisely,... Read More
According to the American Sleep Association 70% of all babies... Read More
Many parents struggle with solutions to put their child on... Read More
Maryann is so focused she's blind. She's slipped over the... Read More
Successful parents have learned to be both firm and kind... Read More
It's been raining for a week and the kids and... Read More
What is the mystery of motherhood? I know that when... Read More
When a parent is deployed with the military it can... Read More
'Picky Eater' is a label coined to describe the phenomenon... Read More
Parenting |