Q. My teenage son is turning 16 early next year and he's already lobbying us for a new car. He says all his friends are getting new cars, that he deserves one because it's his right when he turns 16, and he won't drive what he calls a POS car. Do you think he is trying to manipulate us, and what do you think we should do? And since he won't tell us what a POS car is, do you know?
A. What to do depends on what you want to accomplish.
If you want to teach your son that he can pester and manipulate you into giving him his way, then by all means get him a new car.
I know that's not what you want to teach him though.
What you have is an excellent opportunity to teach some important life lessons.
But first, let's get that POS question out of the way. POS stands for "piece of s---" and is just another one of your son's tools in his manipulation bag.
Rwo Important Life Privileges
There are at least two important principles to teach in this situation.
The first is the vast difference between rights and privileges.
Your son believes that getting a new car is his right as a 16-year-old. It's not. In fact, turning 16 does not even entitle you to a driver's license. It does make you eligible for the privilege of getting a driver's license.
Fostering the belief that privileges are in fact rights leads to a raging sense of entitlement.
Fostering a belief in privileges leads to a rare sense of ownership, appreciation and perhaps even stewardship, which is taking good care of what you have.
The second principle is the sometimes hazy difference between wants and needs.
A need is a "must have" for survival, or to accomplish something important. A want is something you would like to have but can live without.
Your son might need a car to get safely from place A to place B and you may also want to stop chauffeuring him. He may want a new car, but he does not need one. Even if you can afford to give him a new car, I think that would do him more harm than good.
Sit down with your son and tell him that you have discovered what a POS car is and assure him you have no intention of getting him one.
Similarly, you have no intention of getting him a new car either. Briefly - and I mean short and sweet briefly - explain the difference between rights and privileges and wants and needs.
Then tell him that you will be glad to help him find a Point A-to-Point B car.
If he wants anything better, tell him that for each dollar that he saves over the price of a basic Point A-to-Point B car, you will match it.
He will not walk away from this conversation jumping for joy.
He will walk away with the beginning of some very important life lessons, which is really the best 16th birthday present you could get him.
Leading parenting expert Jeff Herring is a teen and family therapist, parenting coach, speaker and syndicated parenting and relationship columnist. Jeff invites you to visit parentingyourteenager.com for 100's of tips and tools for parenting through the teenage years. You can also subscribe to his free weekly internet newsletter "ParentingYourTeenager."
Culver prom limo ..Do you know what these famous people have in common?Alexander... Read More
As parents and teachers, sometimes we want to praise, at... Read More
What is Happening in the brain of children, teens, and... Read More
So you're going to become a father. Now is not... Read More
Life is full of competition -- even in childhood. Kids... Read More
Parents are losing their self-control to anger. A friend called... Read More
At first I thought of titling this article "The Lazy... Read More
There is no doubt that the benefits of being a... Read More
If you really want to get your children to eat... Read More
Imagine you were the principal of the school that your... Read More
In June, elementary school children across North America cheered as... Read More
"The best blush to use is laughter: It put roses... Read More
Not so long ago a dad-to-be would pace up and... Read More
This article on parenting is by a practicing relationship counsellor/therapist,... Read More
When it's time to put your child into a daycare... Read More
As with everything, names go through cycles of change with... Read More
"Not another meeting!"That tends to be the reaction from many... Read More
There is nothing quite like hiking with small children. The... Read More
A common problem many times facing parents is Colic. Estimates... Read More
Can you draw a straight line? Most adults don't consider... Read More
Sex has a lot to answer for ? babies usually... Read More
There is no doubt that mothers play an all-important leading... Read More
Back in college, I wrote for a five-day-a-week, award-winning campus... Read More
Parents looking for a quick fix usually choose troubled teen... Read More
The wonderful adaptability of children in dealing with the challenges... Read More
Wood Dale limo ..The First Reason: For one thing, child development experts are... Read More
When kids try new things, sometimes it's a 'fit' and... Read More
As a parent is seems that the majority of your... Read More
Backpack? Check. Notebooks? Check. Ink-pens? Check. Clear Skin? Mommmm!If you... Read More
Everyone needs friends, and, as parents, you and I both... Read More
Meningitis is an inflammation of the membranes around the brain... Read More
Are you being smart about water conservation? Do you consider... Read More
You are in the final round of your favorite game... Read More
Child Party Planning Guideline #1)Pick the ThemeYour child is going... Read More
Sometimes dreams really can come true! May 8th - 11th,... Read More
Having been a parent educator and a PBS consultant for... Read More
"Family Matters" was the headline that caught my attention in... Read More
Detox To Conceive.. If you're having trouble conceiving... Read More
People always ask my wife and I: "How did you... Read More
Many families today are blending members from past relationships. It... Read More
Child Safety Restraints and children in work vehiclesIf you take... Read More
Children and teenagers are relentlessly bombarded with merchandise that entices.... Read More
Information is gold when you are adopted. Every tiny piece... Read More
"Home Schooling ? Look Before You Leap"Are you considering home... Read More
A common problem many times facing parents is Colic. Estimates... Read More
My daughters and I went to the beach several weeks... Read More
Children bombard parents with many challenging behaviours. We are delighted... Read More
Are you glad for the chance to put your child... Read More
There are a LOT of alternative treatments for sale out... Read More
One of the most important aspects of parenting, is ensuring... Read More
Parenting |