Non-compliance is the family therapist's big word for your child not obeying you when you have asked him or her to do something. It is helpful because it is descriptive, and because it may also motivate us as parents to move our kids from being non-compliant to being compliant.
Here's how we are going to define the term "non-compliance" in children:
1. The child fails to begin doing what he was asked within a reasonable amount of time (15 seconds);
2. The child fails to keep doing what he was asked until the job is finished;
3. The child fails to follow previously taught rules of conduct in a specific situation, such as at church, at school, at the store, or with friends;
When your child is non-compliant you need to take action. You simply cannot ignore the behavior hoping that it will go away. Deal with the situation yourself, or consider getting some professional help in tough situations. Non-compliance should be treated because:
1. It is the most frequent complaint of parents seeking help in clinics;
2. It underlies most negative interactions between family members and the child;
3. Because disruptive-aggressive behaviors usually do not occur randomly. Instead they occur in "bursts" and are usually associated with having asked the child to do something.
Over the years I have developed some presuppositions with respect to children and their behavior. I'd like to pass this on to you, as parents, with the hope that it will help you in dealing with your non-compliant child. They are:
1. Kids are weird. Children do not think like adults do, they do not process information as adults do. The do not see the world around them as adults do.
2. Kids are fools. This is not original with me. King Solomon, reflecting on his growing family (remember he had 1,000 wives and many children) said this a long time ago. "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child," is the way he put it. Simply said, "Kids will do foolish things, they are not yet wise." It is our job as parents to teach them wisdom.
3. We often EXPECT more out of our kid's behavior than we expect from ourselves. We want others to excuse faults in us, yet we will expect perfection in our children. This needs to change.
4. Children do things on purpose. Sometimes your child will misbehave on purpose. He is testing you. He is observing you. Draw the line now, or you will be sorry later.
5. Child behavior is not random. See number 4.
Here are two phrases for parents to remember in understanding your children:
A child's behavior occurs because of who the child is, what the child knows about you, and what the child wants from you.
The child will do things either to get POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT, or to ESCAPE or AVOID SOMETHING that he does not want to do or have.
So please spend enough time with your child to let him know that you are on his side, and that you want the best for him. There are certain things that our children need to know in order to be successful in life, and one of those things is knowing how to listen and obey parents. Stay the course and be consistent with teaching your child wisdom and compliance. To learn more about helping children, visit http://www.addinschool.com.
Douglas Cowan, Psy.D., is a family therapist who has been working with ADHD children and their families since 1986. He is the clinical director of the ADHD Information Library's family of seven web sites, including http://www.addinschool.com, helping over 350,000 parents and teachers learn more about ADHD each year. Dr. Cowan also serves on the Medical Advisory Board of VAXA International of Tampa, FL., is President of the Board of Directors for KAXL 88.3 FM in central California, and is President of NewIdeas.net Incorporated.
Chicago limo Skokie ..As a parent you will be asked to assist with... Read More
Early childhood educators have called play "children's work". Many parents... Read More
Imagine yourself lying flat on your back, totally strapped down... Read More
The 21st Century Problem in Schools: Bullying, and How to... Read More
If you spend any time in the parenting section of... Read More
If your child or teen has been diagnosed with Attention... Read More
To every thing there is a season, and a time... Read More
If you are a parent, then more than likely you... Read More
What parents of a teen haven't wondered where their sweet... Read More
The human brain never actually stops developing. Beginning formation in... Read More
It was blisteringly hot last Saturday. As I took that... Read More
There are many reasons for treating your twins as individuals... Read More
Coping with a child's bad behavior, perhaps more than any... Read More
Q. "What do you want to be when you grow... Read More
1. Tell me something you like about yourself? Help your... Read More
Information is gold when you are adopted. Every tiny piece... Read More
The Theme from MASHI flipped the button on the remote... Read More
When a child is born, a new number is added... Read More
Over a number of years there have been issues raised... Read More
What is hard for parentsLetting them learn from their mistakes.Trying... Read More
When a couple steps forth with a baby in tow... Read More
Our back-to-school buying habits do not help kids succeed in... Read More
The great thing about children is they absorb knowledge like... Read More
(Isaiah 11:6 KJV) The wolf also shall dwell with the... Read More
I have always found the notion of toilet training a... Read More
limo O'Hare Bonfield ..``Mom, can I go to the mall with my friend... Read More
Here is a list of ways to convey the message... Read More
As the father of a toddler, I am an expert... Read More
There are many things to like about the television show... Read More
Today's dads are more hands-on than ever before and their... Read More
Emotional OverloadMany single parents say they deal with a variety... Read More
Something eerily familiar happened in KwaZulu-Natal's Hluhluwe-Umfolozi Park in Africa... Read More
Checking accounts are an absolute necessity these days. You can... Read More
To have reasonable expectations of our children is an important... Read More
Moms and dads, are there times you think that parenting... Read More
Who Can Register A Birth? The child's mother... Read More
Home, home on the range, Where never is heard A... Read More
Mary, Mary, quite contrary, How does your garden grow? With... Read More
Gift shops are a kid magnet and often a trip... Read More
Dear Camille,As I thumb through the photographs that I carry... Read More
Isn't the technology of today is amazing?! Between the speed... Read More
In today's mental health system there is a pattern of... Read More
They Spur Members To Grow EmotionallyTatiana Tannenbaum grappled with a... Read More
A friend phoned her neighbor, complaining about the wafts of... Read More
More and more parents are expressing their concerns about how... Read More
Rule #1 Make Every Bite Count!Everything your child eats should... Read More
A growing body of scientific evidence shows that the way... Read More
Are your children truthful, kind, and helpful? If so, read... Read More
It's the third time this week that Sam has complained... Read More
Age 1: Invite only family members and close friends only... Read More
Parenting |