I have three children, ages 19 and 16 (yes, the 16 year-olds are twins!) My older son just mailed his college deposit and will leave for school sometime in August. Thinking back over the past few years, I've just realized my children have been spreading their wings to fly away for sometime now.
Your life begins to change as your child enters high school, whether you like it or not. Boy, did I not like the changes. Many of your family's practices change, just because your children won't always be around for them. Accepting these changes as gracefully as possible is part of your maturation as a parent.
Family dinners were our first casualty. I grew up in a family that dined together every day, especially at dinner. We continued that practice when our children were younger. But sports practices, play rehearsals, invitations to friends' houses began to leave kids' places vacant at the dinner table. Or you'll get exactly the opposite ? everyone's girlfriend or boyfriend comes over unexpectedly for dinner. I've learned to plan plenty for dinner, and then enjoy leftovers for lunch the next day if everyone isn't here.
Family vacations were our second casualty. Summer school, sports camps, pre-season workouts or band camps filled up our summer schedule and kept us from vacationing as a family. We've split into smaller groups to vacation; each parent gets his own set of children to attend a family reunion or Scout camp. While this feels like a loss, it's hard to imagine a place where your child wouldn't be mortified to be seen with you! Maybe this is for the best anyway!
Parent peace of mind was our third casualty. When your child gets a driver's license, your peace of mind vanishes instantaneously until he or she proves to be responsible behind the wheel. Not only does your automobile insurance skyrocket, but your anxiety does too. My older son let us off easy; he didn't get his driver's license until he was seventeen. (Statistically, older teens are less likely to die in fatal car crashes than younger ones). My 16-year old daughter gives me fits. She says all the right things. ("Dad, I'll not take more than one other friend in the car" ? our state restricts the number of passengers younger teens can carry to limit distractions ? but caves in to peer pressure.) We take away her driving privileges when she does something dangerous, which is a pain to have to drive her around again. I told her I'd rather she hate me for the rest of her life than I have to bury her! Continue parenting to keep them safe, but not so tightly that they don't learn responsibility and earn your trust.
Your heart expands as your child matures. You have to pull back, let him or her try things and learn from successes and failures. You can't teach them vicariously; they have to learn it for themselves. Holding onto them too tightly causes them to push you away even harder, so why fight it. Let your relationship begin to blossom, and look at them as about to be minted adults and let your relationship begin to change.
Copyright 2005, Fruition Coaching. All rights reserved.
Rick Hanes is a life and career coach, writer, outdoorsman, gardener and tireless advocate for living life with purpose and passion. He founded Fruition Coaching in 2004 to lead the fight against leading lives of quiet desperation. Check his website at http://www.fruitioncoaching.com to contact him about rekindling the fire of your life!
Chicago limo Skokie ..Oh Please, Don't Say Maybe!!!!Are you often a participant in... Read More
Optimists do better academically, socially and enjoy better health than... Read More
Home schooling benefits children. As a parent, I feel it... Read More
For several years now, I've told the following story as... Read More
Why Is Spending Time with Your Child So Important?For children... Read More
Is it hard to communicate with your teenager about issues... Read More
Strattera came out around January of 2003, and is becoming... Read More
Let's be honest! When it comes to parenting, men expect... Read More
As a parent is seems that the majority of your... Read More
When was the last time you and your kids rolled... Read More
Why are more people, especially parents not outraged?I call it... Read More
Many reasons will cause some people to feel the need... Read More
When we talk about attention, we are talking about two... Read More
On a recent Saturday evening, I noticed a young teen-age... Read More
If you are currently homeschooling or considering homeschooling your child,... Read More
I was in the life insurance sales industry for over... Read More
I remember watching my 18-month-old son eat a big frosted... Read More
As the father of a toddler, I am an expert... Read More
If you ever walk through an orphanage, it will be... Read More
From the time the Mayflower landed at Plymouth Rock in... Read More
The ADD child exhibits a series of behaviors that are... Read More
Why do some children still do best after divorce and... Read More
Now I know that is not how the song goes,... Read More
Sitterphobe "I never have a second to myself," this mother... Read More
A while ago I received this story from David in... Read More
limo O'Hare Bonfield ..What you say and do about money has a profound... Read More
Because most teens have not had the experience of getting... Read More
What do you mean average? Not good? Just doing good... Read More
Q. My daughter is a junior in high school and... Read More
Q: A parent writes in to ask, "You write a... Read More
During one "generation gap" quarrel with his parents young Michael... Read More
I am a single mother of a 17 year old... Read More
When you talk about multiply your child's intelligence, you can't... Read More
What one word best sums up summer fun? Water. I... Read More
Not nearly as often as it should. Most child abuse... Read More
If your child or teen has been diagnosed with Attention... Read More
Is there a difference between lazy and unmotivated? Why do... Read More
If your child has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder then at... Read More
Mommy (Daddy), Why do those people want to hurt everyone?Last... Read More
Sex has a lot to answer for ? babies usually... Read More
On a bright Sunday morning, a couple of weeks ago,... Read More
Backpack? Check. Notebooks? Check. Ink-pens? Check. Clear Skin? Mommmm!If you... Read More
Q. How do we decide what our teens should be... Read More
Children are moral and make moral determinations... at least until... Read More
This can be a very complicated issue, so I don't... Read More
Many parents would like to homeschool their children but are... Read More
Goal setting is essential for building a successful life. However,... Read More
In the beginning, having children was just a byproduct of... Read More
Children bombard parents with many challenging behaviours. We are delighted... Read More
Home-schooling removes children from public school. That alone makes home-schooling... Read More
Parenting |