We want our children to do the right thing, especially when they are out with their friends. We want to believe in them, but somehow, we don't feel certain that they would.
Have you ever asked yourself why you feel and act that way? Maybe the answer lies in the fact that, although you intend to, you rarely teach them how to develop their self-discipline. Or maybe it is because your parents never taught you how to develop yours.
Well, it's never too late to learn. Here are fourteen principles to set you on the right track:
1. Natural and logical consequences require children to be responsible for their own behavior.
2. Reward and punishment deny children the opportunity to make their own decisions and to be responsible for their own behavior.
3. Distinguish the differences between the punishment approach and the logical consequences approach to developing their self-discipline:
? Punishment expresses the power of authority; logical consequences express the impersonal reality of the social order.
? Punishment is rarely related to misbehavior; logical consequences are logically related to misbehavior.
? Punishment focuses on what is past; logical consequences are concerned with present and future behavior.
? Punishment tells children that they are bad; logical consequences imply no element of moral judgment.
? Punishment is associated with a threat, either open or concealed; logical consequences are based on good will, not on retaliation.
? Punishment demands obedience; logical consequences permit choices.
4. Natural consequences are those that permit children to learn from the natural order of the physical world.
5. Logical consequences are those that permit children to learn from the reality of the social order.
6. For consequences to be effective, children involved must see them as logical.
7. The purpose of using natural and logical consequences is to motivate children to make responsible decisions, not to force their submission.
8. Apply the logical consequences approach in the proper sequence:
? Provide choices and accept the child's decision while using a friendly tone of voice that communicates your good will.
? While following through, assure the child that he may try again later.
? If the misbehavior is repeated, extend the time that must elapse before he may try again.
9. Consequences are effective only if you do not use the hidden motives of winning and controlling.
10. Be both firm and kind when correcting children's misbehavior. Firmness refers to your follow-through behavior; kindness refers to the manner in which you present them with choices.
11. Talk less, listen and act more. Lead them into the proper behavior by setting the example.
12. When you do things for children that they could do for themselves, you are robbing them of the opportunity for self-respect and responsibility.
13. Avoid fighting or quarreling; they indicate a lack of respect for the other person. Avoid giving in; it indicates disrespect for yourself.
14. Be patient! It takes time for natural and logical consequences to become effective.
Follow these principles and watch your relationship with your children and spouse improve, the self-discipline of your children increase, and, perhaps most importantly, your patience and love for them return.
Remember: When you maximize your potential, everyone wins. When you don't, we all lose.
? Etienne A. Gibbs, MSW
PERMISSION TO REPUBLISH: This article may be republished in ezines, newsletters, and on web sites provided attribution is provided to the author, and it appears with the included copyright, resource box and live web site link. Although advance permission is not required, please notify us at eagibbs@ureach.com when you use this article.
Etienne A. Gibbs, MSW, Management Consultant and Trainer, conducts seminars, lectures, and writes articles on his theme: ... helping you maximize your potential. He offers management, marketing and parenting resources at http://www.maximizingyourpotential.blogspot.com
cleaning help near Mundelein ..How well do you really know your child?There is so... Read More
Age 1: Invite only family members and close friends only... Read More
There are few thoughts as terrifying as the abduction of... Read More
Choosing to leave your child with a caregiver is one... Read More
Anorexia nervosa is a serious medical disorder that is statistically... Read More
Q: My husband and I are at a loss as... Read More
I love Google and Yahoo. With Google and Yahoo I... Read More
There may really be a real monster under your kid???s... Read More
Q. What's the right age to start giving a Bible... Read More
Maintaining a safe home environment for your childrenAs adults and... Read More
Did you know that over 75% of teens aged 16-17... Read More
If your parenting methods include abuse of any kind; physical,... Read More
MYTH: All teens have to rebel, and the teen years... Read More
In this form of treatment for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder... Read More
Child Safety Restraints and children in work vehiclesIf you take... Read More
If you're a single parent or a married couple on... Read More
Parents of hyperactive children know the "Would you please just... Read More
At age seven months in the womb, humans begin language... Read More
They Spur Members To Grow EmotionallyTatiana Tannenbaum grappled with a... Read More
Not too long ago my teenage daughter approached me with... Read More
How to Get Your Child to Love Reading was conceived... Read More
If you are a parent, then more than likely you... Read More
It's sometimes difficult to find ways to be involved with... Read More
Whether we realize it or not we teach our children... Read More
There are so many learning labels floating around these days... Read More
reliable maid service Wilmette ..I never dreamed that I would be in a position... Read More
Many public schools not only fail to educate our children,... Read More
There are only two ways to get more money:1) Increase... Read More
Public education in the United States has never been equal... Read More
If You're Having Twins..is it double the headache, or double... Read More
Imagine you were the principal of the school that your... Read More
Q: A parent writes in to ask, "You write a... Read More
Seven-year old Michael was on a school trip to a... Read More
1. They are leaders as well as parents. They don't... Read More
Angie was brought up by rigid, authoritarian parents who kept... Read More
Think back to your own childhood. Chances are, some of... Read More
"What age should my child start school?"This is a common... Read More
Love, love, love. It makes the world go round. It... Read More
There's a new trend for party entertainment. It seems as... Read More
Arabella Greatorex, owner of The Natural Nursery, reports on the... Read More
In elementary school it's pretty straightforward: bringing in cupcakes to... Read More
In the last few years, parents started getting more and... Read More
This time, I would like to talk about a subject... Read More
Have you heard the song; "I Hope You Dance"? It... Read More
If your child has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder then at... Read More
Just two days ago, another 15-year old child was added... Read More
Q. How do I overcome the 16-year-old who does things... Read More
Back in college, I wrote for a five-day-a-week, award-winning campus... Read More
Now is an excellent time to have your child's vision... Read More
So you want to be a mum? Every time you... Read More
Parenting |