Drug testing

Help My Preteen/Teenager is Driving Me Nuts!

Do you feel like someone has abducted your sweet, innocent child and replaced them with a monster? Are you confused that somehow you have gone from knowing everything as a parent, to knowing absolutely nothing? Welcome to being a parent of a preteen/teenager. It is a brave new world. Being a preteen/teenager is difficult and being a parent of one is difficult as well. In this article, I will address just a few of the many "normal" aspects of adolescence and how to survive as a parent.

I have been a therapist for over 18 years now and have seen hundreds of adolescents. If I had a dollar for every time a parent said to me, "If I talked the way my kids talk to me when I was a child I wouldn't be able to get off the floor." I would be rich. Yes, talking back is normal. I also quickly add not acceptable. Our society through TV programs and in general does not show respect. Most sitcoms delight in making the parents look like idiots, gone are the days of the strong parents like the Cosby family. So, our society does not show respect and our children model that with us. Another normal aspect of preteen/teenagers is to think their parents know very little due to us growing up with dinosaurs or at least without VCRS much less DVD players, anyway. Most adolescents get all their information from their peers, who unfortunately don't always give good advice. Acting like a "baby" one minute and an "adult" the next is extremely common. It is an extremely confusing time for them. Part of them craves the security and the easiness of childhood and another part "needs" the freedom and independence of being adult (they often forget the responsibility part). So, as a parent you are never really sure who you are talking to at any given moment. Do I have the "baby" who wants my support or am I talking to the "adult" who wants to make his or her own decisions? We often pick the wrong one.

So, what can a parent due to survive? In my e-book, "Help My Preteen/Teenager Is Driving Me Nuts!!!" I list several strategies. Here are a few of those strategies.

1. When your child is talking back. Do not engage in conversation with them and certainly do not do something special for them, like taking them to the mall.

2. Try not to give unsolicited advice. I'm not saying quit parenting all together, but advice is often listened to more when your child asks for it.

3. Make sure you spend time listening to your children. Take any opportunity even if it is at 11:00pm to listen when your child is willing to talk.

4. Talk to the parents of your child's friends and have a curfew that everyone agrees on. There is strength in numbers for parents as well. Then, you can say not "everyone" gets to stay out later than your child.

5. Talk to other parents for support. Often, when our children are small we share a lot with other parents. Sometimes, when our children get to be teenagers we keep silent. It really helps to know you are not the only parent having a difficult time.

In conclusion, it is tough being a teenager and a parent of one, but everyone involved can survive. Remember the favorite phrase, "This too shall pass." You didn't think your children would ever get out of diapers and now look, they are teenagers. Teenagers still need you, so stay involved in their lives. Learn about their friends and be willing to listen at anytime. Also, remember some of their seemingly strange quirks are really quite normal.

? 2005 Kimberly Chastain

Kimberly Chastain, MS, LMFT is the Christian Working Mom Coach and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She was recently featured in the book the Myth of the Perfect Mother. She is the author of "Help My Preteen/Teenager is Driving Me Nuts!!!" To purchase a copy of this e-book please visit http://www.kimberlychastain.com/parenting. To schedule a free, initial coaching session send an email to free@kimberlychastain.com or visit http://www.christianworkingmom.com

The text information box above MUST be included for reprint privileges. You may reprint this article in it's entirety with the attached text box.

In The News:

What to know about Fred Noonan, the navigator who vanished alongside Amelia Earhart in 1937.
Doctors in Missouri reportedly pulled a dime-sized brown recluse spider out of a woman’s ear this week after she complained of pain.
A Texas woman found a 3.72-carat yellow diamond in a rock pile at the Crater of Diamonds State Park in Arkansas last week.
Archaeologists in the U.K. are working to uncover the secrets of an ancient coastal hillfort before it falls into the sea.
A British man who unearthed an estimated 670-year-old medieval ring in the late 1970s recently rediscovered it hidden in storage boxes — and learned the forgotten treasure is reportedly worth thousands of dollars
The discovery of mystery pointy and lengthened skulls in Croatia is shedding new light on the region’s strange ancient rituals.
Officials in Nepal concerned about trash on Mount Everest are implementing a ban on single-use plastics at the famous mountain, AFP reports.
Ancient Britons should have cooked their fish more. A recent study from the University of Cambridge revealed that Bronze-Age Brits had worms in their kidneys measuring over three feet in length. Researchers believe that the people caught the deadly worms (along with a host of other parasites) by eating raw fish, frogs, and shellfish caught in freshwater marshes.
When the crewmembers of the Starship Enterprise pull into orbit around a new planet, one of the first things they do is scan for life-forms. Here in the real world, researchers have long been trying to figure out how to unambiguously detect signs of life on distant exoplanets. 
Rising levels of pollution worldwide are increasing the likelihood that people will die early, according to a sweeping new study.

The Added Advantage In African American Childrens Education: Computer Homeschooling (Part 2)

We've got spirit, yes we do! We've got spirit how... Read More

10 Universal Laws for Parents of Teens

1 "Law of Belonging": The greatest need of teenagers (after... Read More

How A Home Water Filter Can Reduce Your Child?s Risk Of Learning Disabilities

Lead is one of the most dangerous toxins a person... Read More

From Birth to Teen, Spirituality in Children

Until about the age of six, children do not generally... Read More

Children - Blessing or Curse

You're trying to catch up on some sleep on a... Read More

The Importance of Fathers

There is no doubt that mothers play an all-important leading... Read More

Children, Entitlement and God

"Setting the alarm on Sunday mornings is inhuman?..God should know... Read More

8 Tips To Save On Child Care Costs

Child care costs are are one of the most expensive... Read More

Play the Ball, Not the Man!

As parents and teachers, sometimes we want to praise, at... Read More

Watch What You Say

"Now don't you go getting any ideas, Harold.""Don't you get... Read More

Getting through the School Daze

It's back to school time again. Does the thought of... Read More

March of the Penguins - A Fun Learnig Tool

Everyone loves penguins. And now, everyone has a chance to... Read More

Secrets from the Classroom: Avoiding Summer Learning Loss

In June, elementary school children across North America cheered as... Read More

Raising Teenagers? Stay C.A.L.M.

Parents of teenagers frequently ask what can be done to... Read More

MORAL ARMORS Irrational Parenting, Part II

Handing Down Malignancy.Children may begin bright and eager to face... Read More

Top Ten Things My Six Year-Old Son Has Taught Me (So Far...)

I've learned numerous, important lessons on life, motherhood and men... Read More

Diagnosing ADHD in Your Child, an Introduction

Everyone in a private practice setting who works with children... Read More

EEG Biofeedback Training as a Treatment Option for ADHD

The popularity of EEG Biofeedback Training continues to grow both... Read More

From Good to GREAT: Secrets On Becoming A Better Dad

While most fathers aspire to become the best Dads they... Read More

Choosing the Perfect Jogging Stroller

When choosing the perfect jogging stroller, a very important question... Read More

Communication Mistakes Parents Often Make - And Easy Ways To Correct Them

As parents, we love our children and want to do... Read More

If at First They Dont Succeed - What a Great Opportunity!

When kids try new things, sometimes it's a 'fit' and... Read More

Pieces of Time and Pivotal Moments

Life is comprised of pieces of time sprinkled with pivotal... Read More

Games Of The Past Meet The Present

Recently, our family had the opportunity to care for sisters'... Read More

Parenting Styles - Overcoming Your Differences

If you spend any time in the parenting section of... Read More

solar power street lights 400w hid retrofit Pete's produce ..