As a hypnotherapist, I am acutely aware of the power of words. A few well-chosen words can induce hypnosis and help my clients with a wide range of problems. I specialise in confidence, self esteem and stress management, so I am particularly interested in the ways in which we influence our own self esteem, and that of others, through use of language.
It makes me wince sometimes, listening to parents speaking to their children. "Are you stupid?" "You naughty boy!" and a personal un-favourite "If you carry on like this you're going to . . . "
Don't these parents realise what they're doing? Everything we say -- to ourselves and to others -- has predictive power. Not in the sense of a clairvoyant, but because we are creating self-fulfilling prophecies. Tell yourself that you can, and you will. Tell yourself that you can't, and you won't.
Of course, life isn't simply a matter of setting ourselves up with cosy predictions. We still have to do the work. But without self belief, that work becomes harder because it seems impossible. This applies to people of all ages. Just think how much more powerful words are for children, particularly when they come from an authority figure such as a parent or teacher.
How can parents best help their children? Positive parenting is a good first step -- focus on rewarding 'good' behaviours rather than punishing 'bad'ones. We can go much further than this, however. We can set our children up for success, relaxation and happiness.
An example from my own family may help. To encourage my nine year old's writing I asked him to imagine walking through town when he's grown up and entering a bookshop. There's something familiar about the display in front of him, and as he draws nearer he sees his own name and photo on the dust cover. It's a strong image and one which has struck a chord with him. We chat about this from time to time, and he's started to ask about literary agents and the whole process of getting a book published. In other words, he's made the transition towards believing that he could be an author.
Children are exceptionally trusting. Describe happy futures and they will work towards these with the same energy which they put into Christmas present lists. Above all, we need to mind our language as parents, and ask ourselves what predictions we are making for our children when we speak to them.
Jim Sullivan is a hypnotherapist specialising in confidence, self esteem and stress management. He may be contacted via http://www.confidenceclub.net
bathroom cleaning service Northbrook ..Yesterday my husband Wade took the day off (that's one... Read More
The great thing about children is they absorb knowledge like... Read More
Researchers have estimated that 25-35% of children in the United... Read More
We all wish that our children should not smoke or... Read More
In a single dose of children's television, I was bombarded... Read More
What Children Look for in a Friend?Is this child fun... Read More
Predicament:My son is 4 1/2 years old. His younger brother... Read More
So you're pregnant. Congratulations! Your life is about to change... Read More
As our children grow, they will be going to schools... Read More
Q. What's the right age to start giving a Bible... Read More
While most fathers aspire to become the best Dads they... Read More
Chaim Ginott was a schoolteacher whose ideas and observations helped... Read More
Much has been said about the "gifted child" but in... Read More
Every parent wants their child to develop positive character traits.... Read More
How in the world do you get your child to... Read More
Arabella Greatorex, owner of The Natural Nursery, reports on the... Read More
One reason public schools get away with educational failure, year... Read More
Unfortunately each year many young children drown in swimming pools,... Read More
Childhood friendships are as special as they are a necessary... Read More
Suppose that you rearrange your life to homeschool your child... Read More
Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More
Wooden toys are one of the best alternatives for the... Read More
In his recent newsletter "Happy Kids", parenting expert Michael Grose... Read More
Back in college, I wrote for a five-day-a-week, award-winning campus... Read More
Many years ago, my children were raised on the various... Read More
insured cleaning company Wilmette ..Being a single mother is no easy task. I know.... Read More
Q: A parent writes in to ask, "You write a... Read More
In stepfamilies, big holiday expectations can lead to big disappointment--and... Read More
Salon visits can be scary experiences for small children: They... Read More
Why are more people, especially parents not outraged?I call it... Read More
The big yellow school bus is coming down my road... Read More
How many times have you flipped through the pages of... Read More
The cruel callous remarks made by our offspring can sometimes... Read More
There are a lot of sophisticated parenting theories and techniques... Read More
Q. We are getting to the stage with our kids... Read More
We all want to comfort our children after they suffer... Read More
The ADD child exhibits a series of behaviors that are... Read More
Dining in a restaurant with kids can be very enervating... Read More
Pool safety should be on the minds of every parent... Read More
Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More
"Hugging is healthy: it helps the body's immunity system, it... Read More
For several years now, I've told the following story as... Read More
From the time the Mayflower landed at Plymouth Rock in... Read More
As a parent your biggest responsibility is to prepare your... Read More
Q. When you consult with a family with teens, what... Read More
Whether children attend public or private schools, they benefit when... Read More
1 - Forgive even if you will never be able... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 31,... Read More
Family decision-making is an intriguing phenomenon. Many factors become part... Read More
Often, the struggle at dinnertime with your picky eater is... Read More
Parenting |