Here's the scene of communication with your child: your three-year-old boy is bawling his eyes out. Hurriedly, you run over, and ask "What's wrong?". But no answer is spoken, the tears just keep coming out, and the vocal cords just keep on saying "waaaaaaah!".
You start talking to him in that sweet and soft voice of yours to cajole him to tell you what his problem is. You really want him to calm down now. But when he's asked questions like "Is something hurting you?" or "Are you hungry?" he doesn't answer. He just keeps on crying.
Your sweet soft voice keeps on going, hoping to find that magic breakthrough to get him to stop crying. After a while, the frustration builds up within you. You just can't get through to him. He's just not saying anything. The smoke starts to build up in your ears. You want to help, but there's this communication barrier now between you and your boy. So you persist, but still your boy ain't budging from his bawling.
So now what are you going to do?
What you're dealing with here is an issue of communication. Communication between people is a very complex process involving language, symbolism, nuances, non-verbal signals and so on. All the more so with young children. Because of their young age and lack of education, development and experience in communicating themselves, they can often have nearly-impossible-to-overcome barriers in trying to express themselves.
You probably wish to have the kind of home environment where:
not only your kids say what they think or feel but also... you can understand them all the time. You need to break down those barriers of communication that keep you from fulfilling your relationships with your kids. You can be a part of their lives in a very healthy and helpful way.
Would you believe that children who are actually good and well-meaning become "bad" children simply because they are frustrated over wanting to express a simple feeling or idea? Imagine this: They want or need something. But they cannot express it because they don't know how.
So they do what they know. Like doing something around the house that's not allowed -break a toy, scream, cry, pull their younger sibling's hair, etc.
Do you (or any other parent) want such a thing in your home? Probably not.
You can find out for yourself that with a few steps, you can go a long way to overcoming some of these communication barriers. Develop routines and habits with your children during those times when all is going well, so that when the crisis does come, you are already prepared for it. It works the same way as preventive medicine. Work with the issue BEFORE it becomes a problem.
On your own you can try a few of these pointers. Have in your mind the goal that you want to achieve- a freely flowing communication with your children. You and your children should be able to talk to one another in a very calm expressive way using words, sentences, gestures, facial expressions and the like. (Note: This means that yelling and screaming in anger is NOT considered a healthy communication. It will often result in the listener reacting to the outburst in a unhealthy way. This is especially true for when parents yell at their children.)
Take upon yourself to try some of the following exercises, and see what the results are:
1) Show the child that you are ready to listen and pay full attention to what the child is saying. Let the child feel that there is someone who is going to try to listen to them. This will cut down on the degree of frustration for the child.
2) Encourage the child to talk in full sentences if possible. Sometimes children (who can actually talk properly) often just whine, cry, or say one-word expressions, simply because they are accustomed to doing so.
3) Prepare different options for the child to express himself- signs, objects, drawing, etc. You need to be creative here. Sometimes ideas can be expressed in the most unconventional ways- e.g. a child can create a scenario with toy figures.
4) Make sure you are able to repeat to the child what the child said to you. This is a crucial part of the process because for the child this is the guaranteed confirmation that you understood the child's expression.
Story: Someone hit 6-year-old Sally. Sally comes home crying. Mommy keeps on asking Sally what happened, but for some reason she can't say it in words. Mommy takes Sally by the hand and brings her over to the art table where there is some paper and some big fat kiddie markers ready for her. Sally sits down and starts drawing in her 5-year-old way the following picture: stick figures of a little girl and a little boy. The boy has his hand on the girl's face. Mommy sees this and figures that the boy is hitting the girl in the face. She asks Sally if this is so. Sally nods. "AHA!" thinks Mommy. "now I understand....."
Joseph Browns, a father and creator of the site http://www.home-educational-toys.com wants to share his experiences and expertise in how parents can find valuable opportunities for quality time with children to acquire priceless family memories. A total environment approach is taken, dealing with issues like educational toys, parent-child relationships, environmental + interior design, health, communication skills, and child education. For a picture of myself come see http://www.home-educational-toys.com
professional maid services Deerfield ..In the news, we hear and see an increasing number... Read More
This may come as a surprise.But despite all the advances... Read More
Since so many would rather avoid the use of stimulant... Read More
When parents help their children learn to read, they help... Read More
It was blisteringly hot last Saturday. As I took that... Read More
You may remember The Red Couch Project, a book by... Read More
Love, love, love. It makes the world go round. It... Read More
"Not another meeting!"That tends to be the reaction from many... Read More
Child Safety Restraints and children in work vehiclesIf you take... Read More
Child Car Seat Safety:We know you love your children, but... Read More
For many years underparenting was perhaps the biggest problem facing... Read More
If you are a parent, then more than likely you... Read More
I still remember the scene vividly. I was getting out... Read More
"Where did he come up with that?" Kids often amaze... Read More
Encouragement comes when you focus on your child's assets and... Read More
A sure way to double the joys of parenthood is... Read More
Have you ever sat and watch a child struggle with... Read More
When was the last time you and your kids rolled... Read More
All of us, including your child, entered this world equipped... Read More
My cousin boasts five names and I confess that when... Read More
Home-schooling provides children with a superior education. Parents can quickly... Read More
"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think... Read More
If your child or teen has been diagnosed with Attention... Read More
When it's time to put your child into a daycare... Read More
This year alone, 1,600 teenagers aged 15 to 19 will... Read More
quick home cleaning Lake Forest ..Q. With the school year just beginning, what can we... Read More
How often do you think of family life as an... Read More
Every summer our daughter goes to summer camp. She looks... Read More
What's new and effective in the treatment of Attention problems?... Read More
Did you know that the school system is only able... Read More
Once the newness has worn off a little, you will... Read More
Memorabilia ? Children can create enough artwork for an entire... Read More
Prioritize. Learn to say No. Steal some time for yourself.Don't... Read More
Speaking as a Michael (a Hebrew name, meaning "Who is... Read More
If you are a member of a stepfamily, you know... Read More
As mothers, we play so many different roles and most... Read More
"I WON'T DO IT!" "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"Whether parent or... Read More
A fun way to build your child's imaginationWriting is still... Read More
Do you feel like someone has abducted your sweet, innocent... Read More
Many people consider plush toys great for children. They say... Read More
In a consumer-driven society that broadcasts values you don't approve... Read More
Most of our Founding Fathers, including Ben Franklin, Sam Adams,... Read More
Whenever parents discuss how to deal with bed wetting, the... Read More
Most research into children's friendships shows that those children who... Read More
There is a front line and a back end to... Read More
Several similar terms describe the central attribute of a character... Read More
In the first premise, some films and video tapes which... Read More
My son, Dakota is now 7 yrs old. He is... Read More
I have always found the notion of toilet training a... Read More
Did you know that over 75% of teens aged 16-17... Read More
Parenting |