Here's the scene of communication with your child: your three-year-old boy is bawling his eyes out. Hurriedly, you run over, and ask "What's wrong?". But no answer is spoken, the tears just keep coming out, and the vocal cords just keep on saying "waaaaaaah!".
You start talking to him in that sweet and soft voice of yours to cajole him to tell you what his problem is. You really want him to calm down now. But when he's asked questions like "Is something hurting you?" or "Are you hungry?" he doesn't answer. He just keeps on crying.
Your sweet soft voice keeps on going, hoping to find that magic breakthrough to get him to stop crying. After a while, the frustration builds up within you. You just can't get through to him. He's just not saying anything. The smoke starts to build up in your ears. You want to help, but there's this communication barrier now between you and your boy. So you persist, but still your boy ain't budging from his bawling.
So now what are you going to do?
What you're dealing with here is an issue of communication. Communication between people is a very complex process involving language, symbolism, nuances, non-verbal signals and so on. All the more so with young children. Because of their young age and lack of education, development and experience in communicating themselves, they can often have nearly-impossible-to-overcome barriers in trying to express themselves.
You probably wish to have the kind of home environment where:
not only your kids say what they think or feel but also... you can understand them all the time. You need to break down those barriers of communication that keep you from fulfilling your relationships with your kids. You can be a part of their lives in a very healthy and helpful way.
Would you believe that children who are actually good and well-meaning become "bad" children simply because they are frustrated over wanting to express a simple feeling or idea? Imagine this: They want or need something. But they cannot express it because they don't know how.
So they do what they know. Like doing something around the house that's not allowed -break a toy, scream, cry, pull their younger sibling's hair, etc.
Do you (or any other parent) want such a thing in your home? Probably not.
You can find out for yourself that with a few steps, you can go a long way to overcoming some of these communication barriers. Develop routines and habits with your children during those times when all is going well, so that when the crisis does come, you are already prepared for it. It works the same way as preventive medicine. Work with the issue BEFORE it becomes a problem.
On your own you can try a few of these pointers. Have in your mind the goal that you want to achieve- a freely flowing communication with your children. You and your children should be able to talk to one another in a very calm expressive way using words, sentences, gestures, facial expressions and the like. (Note: This means that yelling and screaming in anger is NOT considered a healthy communication. It will often result in the listener reacting to the outburst in a unhealthy way. This is especially true for when parents yell at their children.)
Take upon yourself to try some of the following exercises, and see what the results are:
1) Show the child that you are ready to listen and pay full attention to what the child is saying. Let the child feel that there is someone who is going to try to listen to them. This will cut down on the degree of frustration for the child.
2) Encourage the child to talk in full sentences if possible. Sometimes children (who can actually talk properly) often just whine, cry, or say one-word expressions, simply because they are accustomed to doing so.
3) Prepare different options for the child to express himself- signs, objects, drawing, etc. You need to be creative here. Sometimes ideas can be expressed in the most unconventional ways- e.g. a child can create a scenario with toy figures.
4) Make sure you are able to repeat to the child what the child said to you. This is a crucial part of the process because for the child this is the guaranteed confirmation that you understood the child's expression.
Story: Someone hit 6-year-old Sally. Sally comes home crying. Mommy keeps on asking Sally what happened, but for some reason she can't say it in words. Mommy takes Sally by the hand and brings her over to the art table where there is some paper and some big fat kiddie markers ready for her. Sally sits down and starts drawing in her 5-year-old way the following picture: stick figures of a little girl and a little boy. The boy has his hand on the girl's face. Mommy sees this and figures that the boy is hitting the girl in the face. She asks Sally if this is so. Sally nods. "AHA!" thinks Mommy. "now I understand....."
Joseph Browns, a father and creator of the site http://www.home-educational-toys.com wants to share his experiences and expertise in how parents can find valuable opportunities for quality time with children to acquire priceless family memories. A total environment approach is taken, dealing with issues like educational toys, parent-child relationships, environmental + interior design, health, communication skills, and child education. For a picture of myself come see http://www.home-educational-toys.com
recurring cleaning service Wilmette ..It's hard to explain to the uninitiated the changes that... Read More
"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine,... Read More
A great many parents are concerned that the electronic games... Read More
Not many things are more upsetting than discovering that your... Read More
Q: Our son has been in honors classes all through... Read More
For the most positive daycare experience for your child, partner... Read More
Several similar terms describe the central attribute of a character... Read More
You are sitting with the professionals who know about learning... Read More
For any of you Moms out there that are doing... Read More
It's been said, time and again, that for a child... Read More
At the ADHD Information Library we are big believers that... Read More
As parents, we strive to address all of the questions... Read More
When I was pregnant, we knew that we had some... Read More
Many children enjoy TV, and they can learn from it.... Read More
The advances in science over the past century have been... Read More
Finding out that a child has been born with a... Read More
My kids just can't get enough of playing games with... Read More
Software for parental control is a useful tool, if applied... Read More
A friend phoned her neighbor, complaining about the wafts of... Read More
I am sure that this list can be jogged and... Read More
I hear from many parents that their child is stressed... Read More
Teachers know that children thrive in an environment with routines,... Read More
Researched through personal experience!Budget Your Money. Even if you are... Read More
Being a parent is a role that requires a large... Read More
"What age should my child start school?"This is a common... Read More
reliable maid service Morton Grove ..How do we deal with our seriously distressed children and... Read More
Q. What's the right age to start giving a Bible... Read More
If you're looking for toys that are both fun to... Read More
Looking for an unusual and memorable gift? Why not preserve... Read More
Home-schooling removes children from public school. That alone makes home-schooling... Read More
Here is a top secret to make your child genius... Read More
If you are currently homeschooling or considering homeschooling your child,... Read More
It's a familiar scene: Kids screaming at each other, complaining... Read More
Home schooling. What is it? What does it mean to... Read More
Is Homework Really That Important?Dear Friends,I no longer teach in... Read More
'And all because of a damned cat! It's only a... Read More
When your child shows signs of potty training readiness, it's... Read More
Something happened the other day that made me feel uneasy.... Read More
It was blisteringly hot last Saturday. As I took that... Read More
Here are fourteen spontaneous time-outs, specially designed to help you... Read More
My oldest boy is fifteen and was a real jerk... Read More
Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More
Before going further into choosing computers for children, I believe... Read More
We know that ancient cultures and Indians and the like... Read More
Because most teens have not had the experience of getting... Read More
Every school year parents and students dutifully trudge through the... Read More
1 "Law of Belonging": The greatest need of teenagers (after... Read More
In the first premise, some films and video tapes which... Read More
Parents of hyperactive children know the "Would you please just... Read More
Before my daughter was born my house was... Read More
Parenting |