Here's the scene of communication with your child: your three-year-old boy is bawling his eyes out. Hurriedly, you run over, and ask "What's wrong?". But no answer is spoken, the tears just keep coming out, and the vocal cords just keep on saying "waaaaaaah!".
You start talking to him in that sweet and soft voice of yours to cajole him to tell you what his problem is. You really want him to calm down now. But when he's asked questions like "Is something hurting you?" or "Are you hungry?" he doesn't answer. He just keeps on crying.
Your sweet soft voice keeps on going, hoping to find that magic breakthrough to get him to stop crying. After a while, the frustration builds up within you. You just can't get through to him. He's just not saying anything. The smoke starts to build up in your ears. You want to help, but there's this communication barrier now between you and your boy. So you persist, but still your boy ain't budging from his bawling.
So now what are you going to do?
What you're dealing with here is an issue of communication. Communication between people is a very complex process involving language, symbolism, nuances, non-verbal signals and so on. All the more so with young children. Because of their young age and lack of education, development and experience in communicating themselves, they can often have nearly-impossible-to-overcome barriers in trying to express themselves.
You probably wish to have the kind of home environment where:
not only your kids say what they think or feel but also... you can understand them all the time. You need to break down those barriers of communication that keep you from fulfilling your relationships with your kids. You can be a part of their lives in a very healthy and helpful way.
Would you believe that children who are actually good and well-meaning become "bad" children simply because they are frustrated over wanting to express a simple feeling or idea? Imagine this: They want or need something. But they cannot express it because they don't know how.
So they do what they know. Like doing something around the house that's not allowed -break a toy, scream, cry, pull their younger sibling's hair, etc.
Do you (or any other parent) want such a thing in your home? Probably not.
You can find out for yourself that with a few steps, you can go a long way to overcoming some of these communication barriers. Develop routines and habits with your children during those times when all is going well, so that when the crisis does come, you are already prepared for it. It works the same way as preventive medicine. Work with the issue BEFORE it becomes a problem.
On your own you can try a few of these pointers. Have in your mind the goal that you want to achieve- a freely flowing communication with your children. You and your children should be able to talk to one another in a very calm expressive way using words, sentences, gestures, facial expressions and the like. (Note: This means that yelling and screaming in anger is NOT considered a healthy communication. It will often result in the listener reacting to the outburst in a unhealthy way. This is especially true for when parents yell at their children.)
Take upon yourself to try some of the following exercises, and see what the results are:
1) Show the child that you are ready to listen and pay full attention to what the child is saying. Let the child feel that there is someone who is going to try to listen to them. This will cut down on the degree of frustration for the child.
2) Encourage the child to talk in full sentences if possible. Sometimes children (who can actually talk properly) often just whine, cry, or say one-word expressions, simply because they are accustomed to doing so.
3) Prepare different options for the child to express himself- signs, objects, drawing, etc. You need to be creative here. Sometimes ideas can be expressed in the most unconventional ways- e.g. a child can create a scenario with toy figures.
4) Make sure you are able to repeat to the child what the child said to you. This is a crucial part of the process because for the child this is the guaranteed confirmation that you understood the child's expression.
Story: Someone hit 6-year-old Sally. Sally comes home crying. Mommy keeps on asking Sally what happened, but for some reason she can't say it in words. Mommy takes Sally by the hand and brings her over to the art table where there is some paper and some big fat kiddie markers ready for her. Sally sits down and starts drawing in her 5-year-old way the following picture: stick figures of a little girl and a little boy. The boy has his hand on the girl's face. Mommy sees this and figures that the boy is hitting the girl in the face. She asks Sally if this is so. Sally nods. "AHA!" thinks Mommy. "now I understand....."
Joseph Browns, a father and creator of the site http://www.home-educational-toys.com wants to share his experiences and expertise in how parents can find valuable opportunities for quality time with children to acquire priceless family memories. A total environment approach is taken, dealing with issues like educational toys, parent-child relationships, environmental + interior design, health, communication skills, and child education. For a picture of myself come see http://www.home-educational-toys.com
recurring cleaning service Wilmette ..I used to have a really challenging job. It was... Read More
Here are fourteen spontaneous time-outs, specially designed to help you... Read More
What is child sexual abuse? Any sexual activity that is... Read More
Coping with a child's bad behavior, perhaps more than any... Read More
A common problem many times facing parents is Colic. Estimates... Read More
Meningitis is an inflammation of the membranes around the brain... Read More
Wooden toys are one of the best alternatives for the... Read More
What a dreamer I am when thinking about parenthood. Most... Read More
This is the third and final article in a series... Read More
In our last issue we posted some of our suggested... Read More
You have a chore to do around the house, and... Read More
At age seven months in the womb, humans begin language... Read More
Moms, did you ever question your value as a role... Read More
Some people can concentrate on an assignment, to the exclusion... Read More
When my oldest boy was really young, he tickled my... Read More
We know that ancient cultures and Indians and the like... Read More
The First Reason: For one thing, child development experts are... Read More
Words are truly powerful things. They are something that becomes... Read More
Is there anything wrong with lying, cheating, stealing, shop-lifting, taking... Read More
Prenatal intelligence, also known as fetal intelligence, has become a... Read More
There's a new trend for party entertainment. It seems as... Read More
I'll never forget my first lesson in a glider.I'd been... Read More
It is extraordinary times that we find ourselves in. Change... Read More
It's no surprise that the self-image and self-esteem of overweight... Read More
Did you know there's a game children and parents play... Read More
reliable maid service Morton Grove ..Learning obedience is an important part of child development. This... Read More
If I had a dollar for every time I persuaded... Read More
I was changing Ford's diaper the other day when he... Read More
Imagine a child who lacks ownership of his own life,... Read More
The time you will need to teach your children the... Read More
Oh Please, Don't Say Maybe!!!!Are you often a participant in... Read More
Here are some tips that I have picked up from... Read More
(Isaiah 11:6 KJV) The wolf also shall dwell with the... Read More
Having been a parent educator and a PBS consultant for... Read More
Once the newness has worn off a little, you will... Read More
"All that I am or ever hope to be, I... Read More
Having a babysitter take care of your kids is sometimes... Read More
There are several treatment options available to help improve the... Read More
If your parenting methods include abuse of any kind; physical,... Read More
Why do some children still do best after divorce and... Read More
Unfortunately each year many young children drown in swimming pools,... Read More
Self-reliance and potential are two very important values that I'd... Read More
Children are notoriously bad at drinking enough liquids. They are... Read More
Teachers know that children thrive in an environment with routines,... Read More
One of the most prevalent problems of the computer age... Read More
This is one of the most common questions asked of... Read More
How often do you think of family life as an... Read More
Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her room... Read More
Beyond cases reported to authorities, little knowledge exists on the... Read More
Are you a professional?Notice how the questions differs from, "Do... Read More
Parenting |