Here's the scene of communication with your child: your three-year-old boy is bawling his eyes out. Hurriedly, you run over, and ask "What's wrong?". But no answer is spoken, the tears just keep coming out, and the vocal cords just keep on saying "waaaaaaah!".
You start talking to him in that sweet and soft voice of yours to cajole him to tell you what his problem is. You really want him to calm down now. But when he's asked questions like "Is something hurting you?" or "Are you hungry?" he doesn't answer. He just keeps on crying.
Your sweet soft voice keeps on going, hoping to find that magic breakthrough to get him to stop crying. After a while, the frustration builds up within you. You just can't get through to him. He's just not saying anything. The smoke starts to build up in your ears. You want to help, but there's this communication barrier now between you and your boy. So you persist, but still your boy ain't budging from his bawling.
So now what are you going to do?
What you're dealing with here is an issue of communication. Communication between people is a very complex process involving language, symbolism, nuances, non-verbal signals and so on. All the more so with young children. Because of their young age and lack of education, development and experience in communicating themselves, they can often have nearly-impossible-to-overcome barriers in trying to express themselves.
You probably wish to have the kind of home environment where:
not only your kids say what they think or feel but also... you can understand them all the time. You need to break down those barriers of communication that keep you from fulfilling your relationships with your kids. You can be a part of their lives in a very healthy and helpful way.
Would you believe that children who are actually good and well-meaning become "bad" children simply because they are frustrated over wanting to express a simple feeling or idea? Imagine this: They want or need something. But they cannot express it because they don't know how.
So they do what they know. Like doing something around the house that's not allowed -break a toy, scream, cry, pull their younger sibling's hair, etc.
Do you (or any other parent) want such a thing in your home? Probably not.
You can find out for yourself that with a few steps, you can go a long way to overcoming some of these communication barriers. Develop routines and habits with your children during those times when all is going well, so that when the crisis does come, you are already prepared for it. It works the same way as preventive medicine. Work with the issue BEFORE it becomes a problem.
On your own you can try a few of these pointers. Have in your mind the goal that you want to achieve- a freely flowing communication with your children. You and your children should be able to talk to one another in a very calm expressive way using words, sentences, gestures, facial expressions and the like. (Note: This means that yelling and screaming in anger is NOT considered a healthy communication. It will often result in the listener reacting to the outburst in a unhealthy way. This is especially true for when parents yell at their children.)
Take upon yourself to try some of the following exercises, and see what the results are:
1) Show the child that you are ready to listen and pay full attention to what the child is saying. Let the child feel that there is someone who is going to try to listen to them. This will cut down on the degree of frustration for the child.
2) Encourage the child to talk in full sentences if possible. Sometimes children (who can actually talk properly) often just whine, cry, or say one-word expressions, simply because they are accustomed to doing so.
3) Prepare different options for the child to express himself- signs, objects, drawing, etc. You need to be creative here. Sometimes ideas can be expressed in the most unconventional ways- e.g. a child can create a scenario with toy figures.
4) Make sure you are able to repeat to the child what the child said to you. This is a crucial part of the process because for the child this is the guaranteed confirmation that you understood the child's expression.
Story: Someone hit 6-year-old Sally. Sally comes home crying. Mommy keeps on asking Sally what happened, but for some reason she can't say it in words. Mommy takes Sally by the hand and brings her over to the art table where there is some paper and some big fat kiddie markers ready for her. Sally sits down and starts drawing in her 5-year-old way the following picture: stick figures of a little girl and a little boy. The boy has his hand on the girl's face. Mommy sees this and figures that the boy is hitting the girl in the face. She asks Sally if this is so. Sally nods. "AHA!" thinks Mommy. "now I understand....."
Joseph Browns, a father and creator of the site http://www.home-educational-toys.com wants to share his experiences and expertise in how parents can find valuable opportunities for quality time with children to acquire priceless family memories. A total environment approach is taken, dealing with issues like educational toys, parent-child relationships, environmental + interior design, health, communication skills, and child education. For a picture of myself come see http://www.home-educational-toys.com
express cleaning service Arlington Heights .."I could have helped you if I would have known,... Read More
Advocate: you've probably heard the term before. But what does... Read More
During the assessment process it is of great importance for... Read More
I have always been aware of my number one weakness:... Read More
? Let the child choose his or her own lunch... Read More
"Setting the alarm on Sunday mornings is inhuman?..God should know... Read More
We take it for granted that children know how money... Read More
Nail biting in all its various forms is problematic... Read More
The Flow of WaterWater is essential for life on the... Read More
Teenagers are a work-in-progress, and parenting teenagers can be tricky... Read More
The great thing about children is they absorb knowledge like... Read More
First there were Yuppies (Young Urban Professionals). Then came the... Read More
I don't know how people raise daughters because I have... Read More
When kids try new things, sometimes it's a 'fit' and... Read More
There are a lot of sophisticated parenting theories and techniques... Read More
How would you like to have a closer relationship with... Read More
I am crying tears of joy mixed with great sadness... Read More
I'll never forget my first lesson in a glider.I'd been... Read More
Boredom, limited space and overflowing energy are a source of... Read More
Ah, potty training! Go to a local bookseller and you... Read More
Time management is an organisational concept traditionally associated with adults... Read More
Research literature, recent books, and common sense, all point to... Read More
As the kids go back to school, you can go... Read More
The teenage years are a crucial time in a child's... Read More
One reason public schools get away with educational failure, year... Read More
tidy up service Arlington Heights ..I still remember the scene vividly. I was getting out... Read More
Everyone loves penguins. And now, everyone has a chance to... Read More
For most children, it is easy to learn to read... Read More
Individualism is a common thing in today's modern society. Many... Read More
IntroductionAs a parent who wants the best for your children,... Read More
Checking accounts are an absolute necessity these days. You can... Read More
If you really want to get your children to eat... Read More
Teenagers are a work-in-progress, and parenting teenagers can be tricky... Read More
The cost of being a parent and raising a child... Read More
In our last article about the neurology of ADHD we... Read More
When parents help their children learn to read, they help... Read More
AD/HD (attention deficit disorder) is one of the most common... Read More
When my oldest daughter was born, I walked the floor... Read More
When we talk about attention, we are talking about two... Read More
Here is a top secret to make your child genius... Read More
Family meetings provide opportunities for feelings to be aired and... Read More
In the last 20 years we've all been introduced to... Read More
The legend and myth of the Tooth Fairy is a... Read More
School authorities often complain that classes are too large. They... Read More
Everyone needs friends, and, as parents, you and I both... Read More
In this form of treatment for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder... Read More
Q. How do I overcome the 16-year-old who does things... Read More
Some public schools try to turn children against their parents... Read More
Most people have more training before they receive their driver's... Read More
Parents are in a unique position to "monitor" their children's... Read More
Parenting |