Here's the scene of communication with your child: your three-year-old boy is bawling his eyes out. Hurriedly, you run over, and ask "What's wrong?". But no answer is spoken, the tears just keep coming out, and the vocal cords just keep on saying "waaaaaaah!".
You start talking to him in that sweet and soft voice of yours to cajole him to tell you what his problem is. You really want him to calm down now. But when he's asked questions like "Is something hurting you?" or "Are you hungry?" he doesn't answer. He just keeps on crying.
Your sweet soft voice keeps on going, hoping to find that magic breakthrough to get him to stop crying. After a while, the frustration builds up within you. You just can't get through to him. He's just not saying anything. The smoke starts to build up in your ears. You want to help, but there's this communication barrier now between you and your boy. So you persist, but still your boy ain't budging from his bawling.
So now what are you going to do?
What you're dealing with here is an issue of communication. Communication between people is a very complex process involving language, symbolism, nuances, non-verbal signals and so on. All the more so with young children. Because of their young age and lack of education, development and experience in communicating themselves, they can often have nearly-impossible-to-overcome barriers in trying to express themselves.
You probably wish to have the kind of home environment where:
not only your kids say what they think or feel but also... you can understand them all the time. You need to break down those barriers of communication that keep you from fulfilling your relationships with your kids. You can be a part of their lives in a very healthy and helpful way.
Would you believe that children who are actually good and well-meaning become "bad" children simply because they are frustrated over wanting to express a simple feeling or idea? Imagine this: They want or need something. But they cannot express it because they don't know how.
So they do what they know. Like doing something around the house that's not allowed -break a toy, scream, cry, pull their younger sibling's hair, etc.
Do you (or any other parent) want such a thing in your home? Probably not.
You can find out for yourself that with a few steps, you can go a long way to overcoming some of these communication barriers. Develop routines and habits with your children during those times when all is going well, so that when the crisis does come, you are already prepared for it. It works the same way as preventive medicine. Work with the issue BEFORE it becomes a problem.
On your own you can try a few of these pointers. Have in your mind the goal that you want to achieve- a freely flowing communication with your children. You and your children should be able to talk to one another in a very calm expressive way using words, sentences, gestures, facial expressions and the like. (Note: This means that yelling and screaming in anger is NOT considered a healthy communication. It will often result in the listener reacting to the outburst in a unhealthy way. This is especially true for when parents yell at their children.)
Take upon yourself to try some of the following exercises, and see what the results are:
1) Show the child that you are ready to listen and pay full attention to what the child is saying. Let the child feel that there is someone who is going to try to listen to them. This will cut down on the degree of frustration for the child.
2) Encourage the child to talk in full sentences if possible. Sometimes children (who can actually talk properly) often just whine, cry, or say one-word expressions, simply because they are accustomed to doing so.
3) Prepare different options for the child to express himself- signs, objects, drawing, etc. You need to be creative here. Sometimes ideas can be expressed in the most unconventional ways- e.g. a child can create a scenario with toy figures.
4) Make sure you are able to repeat to the child what the child said to you. This is a crucial part of the process because for the child this is the guaranteed confirmation that you understood the child's expression.
Story: Someone hit 6-year-old Sally. Sally comes home crying. Mommy keeps on asking Sally what happened, but for some reason she can't say it in words. Mommy takes Sally by the hand and brings her over to the art table where there is some paper and some big fat kiddie markers ready for her. Sally sits down and starts drawing in her 5-year-old way the following picture: stick figures of a little girl and a little boy. The boy has his hand on the girl's face. Mommy sees this and figures that the boy is hitting the girl in the face. She asks Sally if this is so. Sally nods. "AHA!" thinks Mommy. "now I understand....."
Joseph Browns, a father and creator of the site http://www.home-educational-toys.com wants to share his experiences and expertise in how parents can find valuable opportunities for quality time with children to acquire priceless family memories. A total environment approach is taken, dealing with issues like educational toys, parent-child relationships, environmental + interior design, health, communication skills, and child education. For a picture of myself come see http://www.home-educational-toys.com
elite cleaning services Mundelein ..Are men to blame for the divorce problem in this... Read More
I recently heard a story that has literally changed the... Read More
If you ever walk through an orphanage, it will be... Read More
Parents of teenagers frequently ask what can be done to... Read More
What's in a name? Er?well, everything, really! Of course your... Read More
Children do what feels good to them and follow their... Read More
Be aware. You may become totally overwhelmed when you get... Read More
Parents are always looking for ways to open up the... Read More
For parents, keeping our kids safe is a constant top... Read More
Nail biting in all its various forms is problematic... Read More
Well first off, please to don't institute the ? hour... Read More
While youth gangs are nothing new -- they've been traced... Read More
Not many things are more upsetting than discovering that your... Read More
More and more kids these days are diagnosed ADD, ADHD,... Read More
It is human nature to feel competitive and envious toward... Read More
You can learn a lot from children.The best part of... Read More
What is hard for parentsLetting them learn from their mistakes.Trying... Read More
Dear MomOn this day set aside to honour "Mother's" let... Read More
Do you want to create a deeper, more loving relationship... Read More
According to the American Sleep Association 70% of all babies... Read More
In 1996-97 we were contracted by VAXA International of Tampa,... Read More
Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her room... Read More
In the movie, Finding Nemo, Nemo's father, Marlyn asks the... Read More
Do you want your child to cooperate with you more?Children... Read More
Recently, a much-anticipated game of mini-golf with my children soon... Read More
Airbnb cleaning service Mundelein ..Not too long ago my teenage daughter approached me with... Read More
Reading is the most efficient and economical way to help... Read More
Ritalin has been shown through the years to be very... Read More
Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More
As a parent is seems that the majority of your... Read More
LOS ANGELES (May 19, 2005) - With Memorial Day weekend,... Read More
I was in the life insurance sales industry for over... Read More
Recently, our family had the opportunity to care for sisters'... Read More
In "The Ring Bear," a picture book by Tigard resident... Read More
Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More
Under the "No Child Left Behind Act," public schools whose... Read More
The legend and myth of the Tooth Fairy is a... Read More
It's that time again! Parent-teacher conferences are coming. Are you... Read More
The key to lifelong learning is reading and writing. When... Read More
10 Fun Things You Can Do With Your Children this... Read More
An estimated five million scooters will be sold this year... Read More
By not planning for the future we guarantee that we... Read More
Q. Our 17-year-old son wants us to let his girlfriend... Read More
This can be a very complicated issue, so I don't... Read More
Minus all meningitis thoughts. The flu symptons were strong. Headache,... Read More
Dear Camille,As I thumb through the photographs that I carry... Read More
One of the most powerful tools that parents have for... Read More
There's a new trend for party entertainment. It seems as... Read More
Emotional OverloadMany single parents say they deal with a variety... Read More
Most people with children want to be good parents. The... Read More
Parenting |