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Yuk!

One thing, I really have a problem with is criticism. Oh I can do the criticism. That I can do. It's too easy (but that's not today's point!) Receiving it, well that's another story. So, today, from now on, I thought I need to take it like a mature, grown person. I don't want it to bother me so much. How do I do that? Well I started reading up on the subject and this is what I gathered.

This is what criticism does to you.

Criticism is nothing more that an observation made by another person, one that we don't necessarily agree with.

Criticism is directed at our actions and the way we think.

Criticism makes us defensive and wanting to justify our actions. It makes us want to point the finger and so on...

Our defense mechanism takes an enormous amount of mental energy, which usually leaves us angry, hurt, and with negative feelings towards the other person.

How to deal with criticism.

Read this. About agreeing with the criticism ?!?!?

Let say that you simply acknowledge it. OK. Don't believe every single criticism is true or accurate or you will end up feeling like dirt and your self-esteem will turn into mush. No, but sometimes simply agreeing with the criticism will alleviate it.

Two things will happen.

First, someone else has had the opportunity to express himself or herself freely. This person has given you an opinion that you might never have even thought of even though you might not entirely agree with it.

Second, you learn something about yourself, which may be true.

And the best part; no anger, no tension, no hurt feeling. Healthy communication.

Now, how do I accept criticism?

I tried it with my spouse. Here is the conversation:

Him: "You are always late!" The famous "YOU". I reflected for 5 seconds and replied:

Me: "You are right, I am often late." Because it's true, I tend to be late occasionally, well? often.

It's was much easier to agree than to defend myself; and a good point was made (I can be more punctual, I know I can do better).

No hard feelings or anger and that was that. What a difference.

Reacting negatively automatically to criticism will have nothing but a negative effect. Acknowledging criticism and really considering it will lessen conflict and miscommunication.

I can live with that.

Can you try it?

Till next time,

Lynne

"To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." -Elbert Hubbard

"If you have no critics you'll likely have no success." -Malcolm X

"Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man's growth without destroying his roots." -Frank A. Clark

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