Home
>
Parenting
>
Saying No To Our Children

Saying No To Our Children

Saying no to our children is not always easy or pleasant. Sometimes it is very hard work and we don't want to face the struggle. Most of us at some time will find ourselves saying yes when we know we should have said no. Some people almost never say no. The funny thing is though, the more I am prepared to say no, and mean it, and enforce it, the less I have to say it. Children get the message. We have to say no to our diabetic children often enough, for health reasons, that you would think we would be better at it for other things. I know sometimes I feel a little guilty saying no to something after a series of diabetes related no's. But I still have to say no anyway. Parents who have to say no for most of the day will probably admit that they are not enforcing it. They give in too soon. When you do this you are sending mixed messages to your children about what they are and are not allowed to do. There are many reasons why we find it difficult to say no. However, there are some common patterns that we all display at some time or another. These are some common reasons, I know I need to raise my own hand at a couple of these.

* We want to protect or child from the "pain" or discomfort of disappointment.

* We want to protect ourselves from facing his feelings of anger or disappointment.

* We want to avoid the responsibilities of making a decision about an issue.

* We want to keep the peace and fear the row, or other consequences that may follow.

* We need our child's approval, want to be his friend, and fear his rejection.

* We want to keep the times we are with our child free from conflict.

We can get the necessary strength, confidence and authority to say no when it matters by understanding these reasons more fully.

Protecting Your Child from the Pain of Disappointment. Of course it hurts to see our children suffer, but mild discomfort and disappointment are a part of life. Our children will be better equipped to cope with the realities of life if they experience and learn to manage disappointment. This doesn't mean we should go out of our way to expose them to pain. It does mean that being the cause of their disappointment is not something we should feel guilty about. Being used to accepting no, and realizing that they can survive the disappointment, makes them stronger in the face of adversity and gives them a better idea of which "wants" are really important to them. Going without once in a while helps to develop a sense of priorities and character.

Protecting Ourselves from our Child's Feelings of Anger or Disappointment. We sometimes avoid saying no to protect ourselves from having to respond to our children's negative reaction. As parents, we are used to "making them feel better"; but how can we do this without giving in? We can't. We also can't avoid their negative reaction. We have to "stand in" and tough it out. Sometimes saying nothing is best for the situation

Avoiding the Responsibility of Making a Decision About an Issue. Sometimes we avoid saying no because it involves us in making a decision about rights and wrongs of an issue and taking responsibility for that decision afterward. It is easier to say yes, particularly if we don't find it easy to make decisions. Saying no puts the burden on us to have a reason for the refusal. If we cannot think of two good reasons for our decision then maybe we should re-think our position. We don't always have to supply our reasons to our children. When we say yes they don't ask why, they just accept the answer because it was what they wanted to hear. However, as parents it won't kill us to check our reasoning from time to time.

Fearful of the Row, or Other Consequences, That May Follow. If you find yourself often avoiding saying no because you are frightened of the power battle or retaliations that will follow, you need to ask yourself two questions.

* Have I got myself into a power-contest with my child, and if so, why?

* Am I letting myself be blackmailed by their threatened emotional reaction?

If the answer to either of these questions is yes, then you have two more questions to answer.

* Who is in charge?

* Who should be in charge?

Needing Approval, and fearing Rejection. Some parents may find it hard to say no because they are afraid their children won't like them if they don't give them what they want. They need to be liked and need to feel that their child is their friend. If you are looking for approval and friendship from your child, especially if you need it for your own self-esteem, then you are putting a huge burden on your child that they should not be asked to carry. We as parents need to be the constant factor in our children's lives. We need to be their rock of guidance and security.

Wanting to Keep the Times You Are Together Free from Conflict. It is very hard for a parent who does not spend much time, for whatever reason, with their child to start being tough and causing upset. It is only natural that you want to keep those precious moments free from conflict. Non custodial parents sometimes spoil their children when it's their weekend "on". Working parents who arrive home near bedtime may find it hard to resist the pleas for more time and attention. Our children have a way of knowing the weak spot, and will exploit it for all it's worth. To them it's worth a lot. But giving in or being soft is not in their best interest.

We know that it can be a hard world out there sometimes. At some point in their lives our children are going to have to face it on their own. We meet our responsibilities as parents by properly equipping them to successfully meet and overcome the obstacles they will surely face. Don't send your precious child out there unprepared.

About the Author
Russell Turner, USA
info@mychildhasdiabetes.com
info@mychildhasdiabetes.com

Russell Turner is the father of a 10 year old diabetic daughter. After she was diagnosed he soon discovered he could find all sorts of medical information on the internet. What he couldn't find was how to prepare his child and family for living with this disease. He started his own website for parents of newly diagnosed diabetic children info@mychildhasdiabetes.com

Rolling Meadows Cadillac Escalade rental .. Lockport Chicago limo O’Hare

In The News:

Hertz, the rental car giant, recently confirmed that customer information was exposed through a cyberattack on one of its software vendors.

There are a number of features with AirPods you may or may not know about to take your listening experience to the next level. Kurt the CyberGuy explains.

These 35 Chrome extensions have privacy and security concerns. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says to delete them now.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says 329,000 mph fusion rocket promises to be fast, disruptive and enable deep-space missions.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says a new autonomous AI is a game changer that also raises privacy risks. Is your data safe?

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says robots and drones are revolutionizing fruit farming with faster picking and smarter handling.

Landmark Admin revises May 2024 cyberattack scope to show twice as many people were affected. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson gives tips to help stay safe from an insurance data breach.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson talks about how Yamaha’s hydrogen outboard motor could revolutionize boating with zero emissions.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals how to memorialize or remove a deceased loved one’s Facebook account and protect their digital legacy from misuse or scams.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says an Apple Watch saved psychiatrist Amanda Faulkner by detecting deadly leukemia early.

Scammers and fraudsters are increasingly targeting the most vulnerable, especially nursing homes and the personal data of their residents. Kurt the CyberGuy has safety tips.

Infected USB flash drives can spread malware among multiple organizations in ways that can easily bypass traditional security systems.

With a fully automated warehouse system and AI-powered robots, Ocado's Hive picks, packs and delivers grocery store orders in just a few minutes.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Recycling robots are using artificial intelligence to learn how to sort recyclables by recognizing patterns in colors, textures, shapes and logos.

The Reachy 2 robot is designed to be friendly and approachable, inviting natural interaction and is perfect for research, education and experimenting with embodied AI.

Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson shares several easy ways to keep your credit cards safe from digital thieves while you're traveling this summer.

Arcturus sets up cameras around the edges of baseball stadiums to capture real-time action and generate a 3D digital clone of the game.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

The CyberGuy explains why healthcare organizations are vulnerable to hackers after there have been a half dozen data breaches this year.

Developed at two California universities, the innovative technology combines brain-computer interfaces with advanced AI to decode neural activity into audible speech.

Microsoft patches 12 critical flaws, but six have already been exploited by criminals. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says updating your system is only a short-term fix.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses how robots can milk, feed and clean cows on dairy farms, boosting efficiency and comfort.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says quantum internet ensures unhackable security and redefines online privacy and speed.

Saying No To Our Children

Parenting