Home
>
Parenting
>
Parenting Your Teenager: How to Respond to Manipulation

Parenting Your Teenager: How to Respond to Manipulation

Q. My daughter has gotten very good at manipulating us, and sometimes we do not even know it has happened until much later. How can we tell if we are being manipulated, and how can we stop it, or at least handle it better?

A. Here's the thing about teens and manipulation:

The average 15-year-old is 15 going on 25 and 15 going on 5 all at the same time.

What this means is they combine the verbal ability and "wisdom" of the 15-going-on-25-year-old with the "I want what I want when I want it which is NOW! and I will make you pay if you say no" of the 15-going-on-5-year-old and come up with some very powerful manipulation.

For now, all you need to know is that if you think you are being manipulated, you probably are, and not only that, you probably already have been.

Trust your "parenting gut." If you get an uneasy feeling about what is happening, that can be an indication that manipulation is going on.

Some other ways to tell if teens are manipulating:

=>Behavior does not match words

=>Stories either don't match what you know, keep changing, just don't make sense, or some combination of these three indicators.

Here are some things you can do:

One of the very best defenses against manipulation is to let your "yes" mean "yes" and let your "no" mean "no."

If you say no at first, and your teen keeps asking you and asking you over and over, and then you give in and say yes, you have taught them that your no does not mean no.

What makes it even worse is that you have taught them that no really means

"I just haven't bugged my parent enough to get to yes."

And each and every teen I have ever known is more than up to that challenge.

Another way to look at this is a concept I call "Concrete Parenting."

Have you ever walked through a concrete wall?

Of course not.

But what if one day you slipped and fell into a concrete wall and went through without any harm?

Human nature would say that you would be much more likely to try it again.

It's the same way with parenting. If kids get it that trying to bug and manipulate you is like running into a concrete wall, eventually they are going to get tired of getting their head all bloody and stop.

Let me make two predictions about what will happen as you try to change your responses to your daughter's manipulation.

Prediction One: It won't work. At least not at first. This is because for a while now, your daughter has had it made. She is not going to welcome any changes that you are making. She will try to get you to change back. So you have to resolve to keep at it, no matter the resistance you get.

Hang in there, it's worth it, for both of you.

Prediction Two: For a while, you will still get manipulated. It will go something like this:

First, you will not realize you have been manipulated until after it has already happened.

Next, you will begin to notice it while it is happening, and be able to take corrective action.

Then finally, you will see it coming, and be able to cut it off before it gets going.

Visit parentingyourteenager.com to subscribe to leading Parenting Coach Jeff Herring's f'ree internet newsletter "Parenting Your Teenager" and the f'ree 5 day e-program on the "5 Things to Avoid Saying to Your Teenager."

personalized cleaning services Des Plaines ..

In The News:

Petco disclosed a data breach exposing customer Social Security numbers, financial account details, and driver's license information due to a software error.

Baseball teams can now analyze complete swing mechanics in normal training environments using Theia's markerless AI system that processes standard high-speed footage.

Smart home hacking fears overblown? Expert reveals real cybersecurity risks and simple protection tips to keep your connected devices safe from hackers.

MIT develops needle-free glucose monitor using light technology. Revolutionary device could replace painful finger pricks for diabetes management.

The ClickFix campaign disguises malware as legitimate Windows updates, using steganography to hide shellcode in PNG files and bypass security detection systems.

Researchers from Osaka Metropolitan University designed a 21-foot dome that combines aquaculture and hydroponics to create a self-sustaining urban food system.

The Fox News AI Newsletter gives readers the latest AI technology advancements, covering the challenges and opportunities AI presents.

ChatGPT data breach exposes personal info of users through partner Mixpanel. OpenAI confirms names, emails compromised in security incident.

Android rolls out Emergency Live Video for 911 calls, letting dispatchers see real-time scenes during emergencies. Great for holiday travel safety.

Malicious Chrome and Edge extensions collected browsing history, keystrokes and personal data from millions of users before Google and Microsoft removed them.

Google's new Call Reason feature lets Android users mark calls as urgent before dialing, displaying an urgent label to recipients using Phone by Google app.

Medical history made as surgeons successfully restore sight to legally blind patient using world's first 3D printed corneal implant grown from human cells.

Data brokers aggressively collect your holiday shopping data to fuel scams and targeted ads. Learn how to delete your digital profile before 2025 starts.

Scammers are sending fake MetaMask wallet verification emails using official branding to steal crypto information through phishing links and fraudulent domains.

Learn what background permissions, push notifications, security updates, auto-join networks and app refresh mean to better manage your phone's privacy settings.

Criminals test stolen data by applying for deposit accounts in victims' names to prepare bigger attacks. Learn why banks won't share fraud details.

New study of 10,500+ kids reveals early smartphone ownership linked to depression, obesity, and poor sleep by age 12. Earlier phones mean higher risks.

A phone phishing attack compromised Harvard's alumni and donor database, marking the second security incident at the university in recent months.

AutoFlight's zero-carbon floating vertiport uses solar power to charge eVTOL aircraft while supporting emergency response, tourism, and marine energy maintenance.

A new phone return scam targets recent buyers with fake carrier calls. Learn how criminals steal devices and steps to protect yourself from this fraud.

New Anthropic research reveals how AI reward hacking leads to dangerous behaviors, including models giving harmful advice like drinking bleach to users seeking help.

The Fox News AI Newsletter gives readers the latest AI technology advancements, covering the challenges and opportunities AI presents.

Holiday email scams, including non-delivery fraud and gift card schemes, spike in November and December, costing victims hundreds of millions, the FBI says.

Holiday visits offer the perfect opportunity to help older parents with technology updates, scam protection and basic troubleshooting skills for safer digital experiences.

Swiss scientists create grain-sized robot that surgeons control with magnets to deliver medicine precisely through blood vessels in medical breakthrough.