I remember watching my 18-month-old son eat a big frosted cookie while I was carrying him out of the bakery. I asked him, "Can you give mommy a bite?" He leaned over and gently bit me on the cheek.
Kids take things so literally. What misconceptions and concerns might your child have about their working parent?
An in-depth study was done through the Families and Work Institute, to find out what children want from their working parents. Wouldn't you think the study would show that kids want more time with working parents above all else? Surprise. They want their working parents to be less stressed. That's right. Less stressed. It makes sense. Doesn't it? Think of how you feel after spending time with stressed-out people.
Balancing the needs of work and family isn't easy. It takes skill, planning, and a lot of positive communication. Even then, it's easy to get stressed by time constraints and conflicting demands, especially around the holidays.
Try asking your kids these eight questions. Their answers might surprise you.
* Where do I work?
 * What do you suppose I do at work?
 * Why do you think I go to work?
 * What would it be like if I didn't work?
 * What do you like about me going to work?
 * What's the hardest part for you about me going to work? 
 * In what ways would you like things to be different?
 * How do you suppose I feel about working?
Your family life will be enriched when you open communication by letting kids express their thoughts and ideas. Read the do's and don'ts to prepare for an eye-opening conversation.
- Don't insist on asking every question in one sitting. Continue as long as your child is interested in the conversation.
- Expect the unexpected. You may be delighted by some of your child's thoughts and dismayed by others. Five-year-old, Bryan, told his dad with complete sincerity, "I think you go to work so you can be with friends your own age."
- See your child's negative responses as feedback to consider, instead of criticism.
- Don't shut down communication, when you don't like what you hear. Allowing your kids to fully express themselves will strengthen your relationship. Let them feel comfortable sharing their thoughts with you, even the scary or angry ones. Don't make your kids fear your reaction.
- Acknowledge your child's feelings. Suppose she says, "I think you go to work because you don't like to be with me." Resist the urge to cut her off with, "You know that's not true!" Be helpful by saying, "I didn't know you felt that way. Would you like to know how I feel about it? . . ."
- Focus on listening more than you talk. It's easy for me to talk on and on about what I'm passionate about. What I've found is, the more I talk, the less my kids listen. They tune me out. Don't overwhelm kids with too much information. Give brief and age appropriate responses.
- Encourage kids to guess when they aren't sure how to answer a question. It takes the pressure off and makes the questions more playful.
- There isn't always a quick fix to resolving conflict. When kids feel insecure or unhappy about family issues, don't expect one conversation to clear everything up. It takes time for kids and adults to break out of old habits of thinking.
- If you are a stay-at-home parent, shed a positive light on the parent who works outside the home. I still remember the warm feelings I had when my mom would say, "Your daddy works so hard for his family." Parents, whether married or divorced, working outside or inside the home, will reduce tension by showing appreciation for the positives of the other parent.
- The question, "What would it be like if I didn't work?" may reveal your child's favorite things to do. If she answers, "We would sing songs or play make-believe or read books," you can sprinkle those activities into the time you have at home.
- Help kids understand that working is another way of taking care of them by providing financial support. It can be a model for achieving a sense of fulfillment and contribution to society. Don't create fear around the need to work. Instead focus on the needs it meets.
- When your child shares feelings of hardship with having a working parent, show compassion not pity. Pity makes a child feel pitiful and feeds their insecurities. Talk about how the child wishes things could be. Possibly make changes to ease the hard parts for them and for yourself.
- Follow up the discussion with a visit to your workplace. If that's not possible, show your child a picture of your workplace, or paint a picture with your words so they can imagine where you are when you aren't home. This creates security for kids, replacing fear of the unknown with a positive image.
Tensions are reduced when kids and parents share their thoughts and ideas. Balancing work and family is tricky business, and well worth the efforts.
Marilyn Suttle shows you how to create satisfying work and family relationships, increase self esteem and self care. Marilyn shares delightful stories filled with useful skills and principles. She has presented programs to corporations both large and small, including Fortune 500 companies such as Ford Motor Company, Visteon Corporation, and Pfizer Pharmaceuticals. She delivers programs that enlighten, entertain and empower.Email her at marilyn@suttleonline.net. Subscribe to her Free monthly e-newsletter by visiting her web site: WWW.SuttleOnline.NET.
experienced cleaning professionals Northbrook ..There is no doubt that the benefits of being a... Read More
Are you glad for the chance to put your child... Read More
Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her room... Read More
Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More
There isn't a school day that goes by that I... Read More
From the book Spider's Night on the BoomI've only begun... Read More
Keith is now in the fourth grade and he dislikes... Read More
1. They can make mistakes under your guidance2. They will... Read More
1) It's not my (pot, beer, cigarettes, etc.), I'm just... Read More
When my oldest daughter was born, I walked the floor... Read More
The girl's jaw dropped in horror as the police officer... Read More
Have you made your usual New Year resolutions? You know... Read More
Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her room... Read More
Q. We just got our daughter's progress report, and it... Read More
It's that time again! Parent-teacher conferences are coming. Are you... Read More
"There is nothing new under the sun," states Ecclesiastes 1:9.... Read More
You can learn a lot from children.The best part of... Read More
It's no surprise that the self-image and self-esteem of overweight... Read More
I could nearly fund my children's future education if I... Read More
Just the other day, I was talking to some other... Read More
In theory, working at home is an ideal situation. But... Read More
In memory of 14 year old Matthew Smith; 11 year... Read More
4 traps to avoidTrap 1 - Parents need to realize... Read More
Self-reliance and potential are two very important values that I'd... Read More
Our children are growing up bilingual in the French part... Read More
best value cleaning service Northbrook ..The biggest trick some child predators' are using these days... Read More
When growing up, my father frequently reminded me to "pay... Read More
Perhaps I could make a lot of money by founding... Read More
It's sometimes difficult to find ways to be involved with... Read More
Have you ever wondered why toys for babies tend to... Read More
By the time your children reach their teens, there is... Read More
Reading is the most important skill that a child must... Read More
Child Safety Restraints and children in work vehiclesIf you take... Read More
On a bright Sunday morning, a couple of weeks ago,... Read More
I have always found the notion of toilet training a... Read More
Graphology for Child development.:- Graphology is the science of understanding... Read More
The most common medications used in the treatment of Attention... Read More
Here is an easy, inexpensive and fun kid experiment for... Read More
What parents of a teen haven't wondered where their sweet... Read More
Choosing a good car seat for your child's protection is... Read More
You need to smart to be able influence adolescents. You... Read More
How would you like to have more time? Of course... Read More
I've often thought that in 6 million years, archaeologists will... Read More
Having a babysitter take care of your kids is sometimes... Read More
As parents, we love our children and want to do... Read More
Once your little boy/girl goes off to school, you may... Read More
Mother's Day is important for children.This Mother's Day take note... Read More
If you are a member of a stepfamily, you know... Read More
In the movie, Finding Nemo, Nemo's father, Marlyn asks the... Read More
When David was nine and Laura was twelve, the battles... Read More
| Parenting |