Do you have a wild child? Then this article may be for you. Do you just blow up when you can't take it any more? Then this article is definitely for you.
Abuse victims, when they become parents, are handicapped in two ways. One, they have no clue how to give good discipline because they never saw it done. A parent who knows how does not resort to abuse. Or, I should say, a parent who knows how deep in his/her bones, not just intellectually, does not need to resort to abuse. So if you were beaten, humiliated, yelled at, ignored, neglected, abandoned, criticized, or any of the hundred other ways of being abused, you never saw good discipline in action. So you just don't know what it looks like.
Now, suppose you take a parenting course. Here's handicap #2. Even when you learn--intellectually--what it is, many parents who have been abused have a gut-level abhorence of anything that remotely looks like violence. Any form of discipline that is perfectly "kosher" may look to an abuse victim like something harsh, mean, and hateful. And those parents just can't seem to put it into action. That's when the leniency paves the way for the very abuse they don't ever want to be guity of doing: Because they have failed to discipline their child, the child, of course, gets out of hand, eventually. That's what normal children do, if unstopped. So then, these sweet, lovely parents who couldn't bring themselves to discipline their child lash out at them angrily. And they actually feel justified! "I've had enough!" They exclaim.
Well, that's true, but whose fault is that? You've had enough because you didn't nip it in the bud with proper discipline. Now you criticize or yell or hit or whatever and actually think that the child is "bad." Hey, that's exactly the mistake your parents might have made. So if this sounds like you, don't confuse proper discipline with abuse. Start the discipline and then you won't have to blow up.
For example, I once worked with a family in which the mother felt so guilty about a remarriage and so abhorent of abuse because of the abuse she had received that she also never would discipline that child. Until one day she discovered that, at 14, her daughter was sneaking out the window at night to go party. Then, as you can imagine, she lost it.
If you're not clear what discipline is, read the article on it. click here. But don't run away from it or it'll only get worse.
Dr. Debby Schwarz Hirschhorn, Ph.D.
Marriage and Family Therapist
click here
Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her room... Read More
Discipline is a necessary part of parenting yet it makes... Read More
School authorities often complain that classes are too large. They... Read More
Remember when cash was a tangible commodity in all of... Read More
Is there anything wrong with lying, cheating, stealing, shop-lifting, taking... Read More
It may seem obvious to many people why literacy is... Read More
KIDS AND THE NEWSMore than ever, children witness innumerable, sometimes... Read More
There are several treatment options available to help improve the... Read More
Is there a fathering instinct?Celebrated child development expert Erik Erikson... Read More
Prioritize. Learn to say No. Steal some time for yourself.Don't... Read More
You have just received a call from your child's teacher... Read More
Being consistent when children are less than perfect can make... Read More
How do we deal with our seriously distressed children and... Read More
Homework. It doesn't have to be a daily battle of... Read More
Q. I don't like my children spending so much time... Read More
I could nearly fund my children's future education if I... Read More
Criticism is punitiveOur children judge themselves on the opinions we... Read More
Is your weekly shopping trip with the kids an absolute... Read More
Past experience with federal education programs predicts that the No... Read More
Chaim Ginott was a schoolteacher whose ideas and observations helped... Read More
Are you glad for the chance to put your child... Read More
Do you have a young child whose weight or eating... Read More
Libraries offer more than books. They are places of learning... Read More
You can learn a lot from children.The best part of... Read More
Child care costs are are one of the most expensive... Read More
insured cleaning company Highland Park ..Being consistent when children are less than perfect can make... Read More
You no longer have to use Ritalin or other stimulants... Read More
Traditionally, babies have been named at a christening/baptism.... Read More
Sometimes a change of perspective can make a huge difference... Read More
Frankly, as a single parent of young children, I struggled.... Read More
Home-schooling removes children from public school. That alone makes home-schooling... Read More
Before my daughter was born my house was... Read More
At age seven months in the womb, humans begin language... Read More
It's the third time this week that Sam has complained... Read More
School authorities continually claim that they want more parent cooperation... Read More
Gift shops are a kid magnet and often a trip... Read More
Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More
Many parents seem to be more than a little confused... Read More
One reason public schools get away with educational failure, year... Read More
Being a single mother is no easy task. I know.... Read More
Most of us when asked what we want our children... Read More
The snow was getting heavier with each lift of the... Read More
We all want to comfort our children after they suffer... Read More
Demanding children ? children who have entitlement issues ? seem... Read More
What exactly makes safety glasses different from regular glasses? There... Read More
"Before every action, ask yourself: Will this bring more monkeys... Read More
Parents play a critical role in their child's success. These... Read More
Attention all parents of teen-agers. Here is an important, groundbreaking... Read More
Even as a busy parent, I'm sure you've seen a... Read More
1. Make stronger connections among individuals and, therefore, creates a... Read More
Parenting |