Many families today are blending members from past relationships. It would be easy to give up when faced with all the conflicting methods of parenting and discipline that come to a family who has joined forces together.
As I was doing research for a recent book, I interviewed a young counselor at a youth camp. I was impressed with her sincerity, maturity, and gratitude that her "blended family" had made the effort and sacrifice to work together toward a common goal. She admitted that she was the instigator of most of the conflict and absolutely refused to cooperate on even the most menial request by her step-mother. She could tell that the adults were becoming increasingly unhappy and stressed and she was secretly glad that they were suffering.
Then an interesting thing happened. She was invited to spend a weekend with a friend and she saw what happens when families get along and support one another. The family held a family meeting to decide about some upcoming projects and chores. When putting activities on the calendar, she was amazed to see her friend volunteer to attend the ball game with her little brother so the parents could make another commitment. They laughed and joked with good natured ribbing as opposed to sarcastic mean spirited teasing. The family ended the family meeting with ice cream sundaes and she saw the kids pitch in without being asked and that they served the parents before getting their own bowl.
It was an eye-opener for this young lady to see that it is possible to work together in a win-win atmosphere. She honestly had not even realized it was possible to live in harmony as opposed to chaos and anger.
When she got home from that stay, she called a family meeting and everyone came fearing that she was going to say she was moving out if she didn't get her way. Instead, she told them about what she had witnessed and asked for a commitment for all of them to start over and become a cooperative, supportive and loving family where everyone was treated with respect.
She went on to tell me that it had not been easy to change old habits, especially with her. But, as a family they had set a goal and a commitment and had worked on their relationships and communication skills daily. As a young adult, she said that because of that commitment, she had gone into counseling to assist other young people who were filled with anger. She wanted to share the valuable lessons that she had learned.
Oh yes, she counts her step-mother as one of her best friends now.
In our living room is a beautiful potted plant. It contains a number of small individual stems and branches that, as separate entities, are fragile and unsteady. Each stem could probably make it if it were broken off and stuck in a glass of water, but it might not. However, grouped together, they gain strength and protection from one another. Their roots are intertwined and form a foundation that allows them to successfully withstand being knocked over and occasionally neglected.
Families are like that plant. We are all in this together, and we need to know there are others who will hold us up when we need it and support us as we grow stronger. The word for the strength of a unit is synergy. It means that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
It is that common goal of cooperation and support that builds success in our children and our families. Please don't give up. Try one more time to provide the loving and respectful environment that each member of the family deserves.
Good luck and God bless. You do the most important work in the world.
Judy H. Wright, Parent Educator ? 2005 www.artichokepress.com
This article has been written by Judy H. Wright, a parent educator and PBS consultant. You will find a full listing of books, tele-classes, and workshops listed at www.artichokepress.com. You have permission to use the article providing full credit is given to author. She may be contacted at 406-549-9813 or JudyWright@ArtichokePress.com
green cleaning service Park Ridge ..Once upon a time, I thought I had it all.... Read More
Your child's teacher says that you need to find out... Read More
There is no doubt that mothers play an all-important leading... Read More
Dining in a restaurant with kids can be very enervating... Read More
Everyone in a private practice setting who works with children... Read More
Bearers of life, wipers of noses, givers of unconditional love... Read More
It's been raining for a week and the kids and... Read More
The disquieting behavior of teenagers in the 21st century, is... Read More
The purpose of this article is to address some of... Read More
I look out of the window as I am writing... Read More
Q. We recently caught our son smoking pot, and we... Read More
Successful families don't just happen. They take time, talent and... Read More
When a couple steps forth with a baby in tow... Read More
Graphology for Child development.:- Graphology is the science of understanding... Read More
Despite the potentially dangerous side-effects of Ritalin, public school authorities... Read More
Single parents are not often thought of as good parents.I... Read More
One of the most difficult struggles in life for a... Read More
I have a bit of a different response than most... Read More
Life is funny.My twenty-year-old daughter, Melanie, has a her new... Read More
Emotional OverloadMany single parents say they deal with a variety... Read More
Just the other day, I was talking to some other... Read More
Drivers 16 years of age have little driving experience, putting... Read More
When you think about it, probably the one thing that... Read More
Sometimes a change of perspective can make a huge difference... Read More
Having been a parent educator and a PBS consultant for... Read More
cleaning help near Bannockburn .."Before every action, ask yourself: Will this bring more monkeys... Read More
The hot new reality TV show "Nanny 911" has been... Read More
Even as a busy parent, I'm sure you've seen a... Read More
Gift shops are a kid magnet and often a trip... Read More
This article on parenting is by a practicing relationship counsellor/therapist,... Read More
"How many times do I have to tell you to... Read More
Many companies advertise their products as being educational. How much... Read More
"I don't know and I don't care."I've heard those words... Read More
Q. Our 17-year-old son wants us to let his girlfriend... Read More
Whenever parents discuss how to deal with bed wetting, the... Read More
My son is 6 yrs old. He came home the... Read More
Do your children have a McChildhood? Do they experience the... Read More
All children will likely have many different health problems during... Read More
Did you know that cooking with your kids is a... Read More
? Let the child choose his or her own lunch... Read More
Q. I don't like my children spending so much time... Read More
I still remember the scene vividly. I was getting out... Read More
Many young people don't know how to study efficiently and... Read More
Is Homework Really That Important?Dear Friends,I no longer teach in... Read More
10 Fun Things You Can Do With Your Children this... Read More
Parents are in a unique position to "monitor" their children's... Read More
Choosing to leave your child with a caregiver is one... Read More
A growing body of scientific evidence shows that the way... Read More
Does your child pout, blame and brood? Does he gripe,... Read More
LOS ANGELES (May 19, 2005) - With Memorial Day weekend,... Read More
Parenting |