Beyond the Words, a Childs Voice

Voices have a way of falling into a pattern, not unlike the sound of constant rain. At first, the rain is obvious as it dramatically announces its arrival, and for a brief moment, you acknowledge the intrusion. But slowly, the rhythmic sounds fade into the background, becoming nothing more than a distant drone.

We are fortunate to have the ability to block out sounds like the pouring rain; otherwise, it would be impossible for us to concentrate. But what happens when the rain is actually the voice of a child, and you are so focused on your own thoughts that you forget to hear?

Even the most dedicated parent or caregiver can fail to hear the understated nuances of a child's plea. It's impossible to play detective and uncover the meaning behind every word and every gesture. Sometimes a whine is simply a whine. But if your busy schedule has you constantly preoccupied, you may be unintentionally shutting your child out. And if you're not there for your child, who will be?

Emotional and spiritual wellbeing are just as important as physical health. Even at a young age, you can help teach your child a simple technique that provides you with a means to hear the voice beyond the words. It's a little trick I learned from my Mom, and all you need is a piece of paper and a pencil.

I grew up in a large family. With five children, my Mom was concerned that she might miss a cue, a subtle hint that would indicate when one of us was in trouble or needed to talk, so she came up with a plan when we were very young.

Mom gathered us around the kitchen table and took out a piece of paper and a pencil and she proceed to explain her concept at the most basic level.

"Sometimes Mommy is busy, but I am never, ever too busy for my children. I promise that I will always make time for you, but I need you to let me know if you are having a problem."

Then she drew a picture and showed it to us. "If something is bothering you, draw a picture of a sad face and give it to me. Mommy will never ignore it. This is our secret code and I will be there to help you."

We were a demanding bunch, and I'm sure it wasn't easy for my Mom. Sometimes that note would arrive right in the middle of her making dinner, or while she was on the phone or when she finally sat down to watch TV. But she would always take that child with the sad-faced picture aside. Many times, she would have to coax the problem out of us by asking a series of questions, but we always felt better afterward.

As we got older, this little plan kept the doors of communication wide open. In those difficult, embarrassing moments of childhood, Mom was always true to her word. Whenever she received a note, everything would stop and the writer would receive her private and undivided attention.

Interesting though, were the far-reaching benefits of this little plan. You see, by giving us this additional means to be heard, we were taught that our concerns, problems and opinions were valid and important. We learned how to express our feelings and we knew the luxury of having someone there to listen. But we also became responsible individuals and learned valuable lessons in honesty and accountability. Our Mom showed us how to keep a promise. And as a family, we faced our problems together and head on.

Although the idea was simple, it was also powerful. This very wise, sensitive, nurturing woman empowered her young children with the right to be heard and the gift of confidence. Today I use this concept in my own family and in my work as well.

As advocates for children's rights, my husband and I speak about the consequences of bullying. The best defense against a bully is to tell an adult, but we are well aware that this is a difficult task for some children. Even when a child is otherwise vocal, discussing harassment at the hands of a peer can be painful, embarrassing, or scary.

We take great care to explain that unless a child makes their concerns known, adults can't help. We explain that sometimes adults don't pay attention, but this doesn't mean they don't care. We encourage children not to give up and tell them to reach out to an adult by writing a note or drawing a picture.

Someday, if a child hands you a note, we hope that even if you weren't raised with a secret family code for "please listen to me," you will stop what you are doing and focus on the voice of the child before you.

About The Author

Patricia Gatto and John De Angelis are the authors of MILTON'S DILEMMA, the tale of a lonely boy's magical journey to friendship and self-acceptance. As advocates for literacy and children's rights, the authors speak at schools and community events to foster awareness and provide children with a safe and healthy learning environment. For more information, please visit Joyful Productions at http://www.joyfulproductions.com

http://www.joyfulproductions.com

Why Wont My Child Do as I Say?

In speaking with parents a comment I frequently hear is... Read More

Public-school Teachers Know Best --- They Send Their Kids To Private Schools

A study done by the Thomas B. Fordham Institute found... Read More

Stop, Look, Listen! Steps to Better Parenting Communication

As a parent is seems that the majority of your... Read More

Sibling Fighting - Reduce Sibling Rivalry by NOT Keeping Score

Recently, a much-anticipated game of mini-golf with my children soon... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: 7 Tips for Back to School Success

Blink. That's all we did, blink, and summer is ending... Read More

Choosing a Daycare or Pre-School ? Top Ten Safety Tips

When it's time to put your child into a daycare... Read More

For School Success, Dont Coddle Your Kids

Parents want their children to succeed in school. However, sometimes... Read More

The Forgotten Secret of the Ancient Greeks that Shows Us How to Keep Our Teenagers Out of Trouble

To every thing there is a season, and a time... Read More

Why A Father Is Not A Dad

It can be said that any man who procreates is... Read More

Parents: You Can Do Something About Professional Sports Ethics

Most of us can agree that there is a lack... Read More

Non-Compliance in Your Children, Some Tips for Parents

Non-compliance is the family therapist's big word for your child... Read More

Its OK to Say No

In the last 20 years we've all been introduced to... Read More

Whine Oh Whine Am I The Only One?

I thought I was the only one in the world... Read More

How To Develop Your Babys Brain

Have you ever wondered why toys for babies tend to... Read More

Anti Scooter Media Frenzy

An estimated five million scooters will be sold this year... Read More

Why Mother?s Day is Important For Children

Mother's Day is important for children.This Mother's Day take note... Read More

They Call it Puppy Love

My son is 6 yrs old. He came home the... Read More

Jammin with Your Kids: The Wonderful World of Music

Does music need to be "dumbed-down" for kids? The answer... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: How to Respond to Manipulation

Q. My daughter has gotten very good at manipulating us,... Read More

14 Romantic Time-Outs for Parents

Here are fourteen spontaneous time-outs, specially designed to help you... Read More

My Children

I have been a single mom for almost 20 years.... Read More

Punishing the Victim -- Why Public Schools Pressure Parents To Give Their Kids Mind-Altering Drugs

Public-school teaching is structured in such a way that it... Read More

Television - The Great SATAN!

I've often thought that in 6 million years, archaeologists will... Read More

Learning Disabilities

There are so many learning labels floating around these days... Read More

Use Encouragement Instead of Criticism to Help Children Improve

Criticism is punitiveOur children judge themselves on the opinions we... Read More