"You can't always get what you want . . ." The Rolling Stones will soon be singing this refrain at venues around the world, as they embark on a year-long concert tour in August.
This song, now decades old, addresses a universal truth. Here's the rest of the refrain:
You can't always get what you want . . .
But if you try sometimes
You just might find
You get what you need.
What is it that you really wanted and didn't get? The affections of a person who was with someone else? That dream job? The last cinnamon-raisin bagel snapped up by the customer in front of you?
These scenarios range from trivial to potentially life-changing, but they all have one thing in common:
WHEN YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU WANT, YOU WANT IT EVEN MORE.
Here are three reasons why this is so:
1. Heightened attention: When something is hard to get (or forbidden) you immediately pay more attention to it. Notice that when you are on a restricted diet, you sometimes get too focused on what you "can't" eat. This heightened attention -- which can escalate into obsession -- makes the forbidden food seem very important. Your inner brat takes advantage of this, and tries to convince you that you MUST have that chocolate.
2. Perceived scarcity: When something is scarce or in short supply, its perceived value increases. You want it more because you think other people also want it. If you've ever bid at auctions or on eBay, you know the experience of that last-minute excitement as you watch the bids spiral upward. The more people who bid, the more you're willing to pay for the item. Your inner brat wants it at any price.
3. "Psychological Reactance": People don't like to be told they can't have or can't do something. It's related to not wanting to be controlled by others, especially if the situation feels unfair or arbitrary. The "reactance" is both emotional and behavioral.
The emotional part is your inner brat saying, "Oh yeah? I can't have what I want? Just try and stop me!"
The behavioral component is what you do about it, which usually involves some type of rebellious reaction. You see this with teenagers whose parents have forbidden them to date certain people. Reactance also explains why a "Wet Paint" sign invites unwanted fingerprints on the newly painted surface.
Next time you don't get what you want, ask yourself whether one of the above factors has influenced your desire. If so, let go of the pursuit. Your inner brat won't be happy, but ultimately (in the words of the Rolling Stones,) you "might just find [that] you get what you need."
Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in Camp Hill, PA, and author of "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for Transforming Self-defeating Behavior" (Wildcat Canyon Press, 2004)
Visit http://www.innerbrat.com for more information, and subscribe to her free, monthly Inner Brat Newsletter.
Beecher limo rentals ..The late Norman Vincent Peale was a controversial preacher who... Read More
The mind absolutely amazes me. It will never be understood,... Read More
This is the age of the Quick Fix - the... Read More
Looking around at our circumstances we may see only mountains... Read More
I have a 440-page guide on how to simplify my... Read More
Spring is here at last! The season brings with it... Read More
Would you like to be confident in the things you... Read More
The easiest, most exciting adventure in consciousness follows the lamplit... Read More
You've heard the buzzwords: Attitude is everything! Change your perspective!... Read More
Once we understand the difference our attitude makes in our... Read More
As a financial economist my motivation has long been to... Read More
Occasionally people will ask me how I keep a positive... Read More
Who are you?We all know that we are composed of... Read More
There is a growing volume of research that shows' staying... Read More
How are you? That's a loaded question, and I'll tell... Read More
Early in my career a position became available which I... Read More
Henry Ford, after he had achieved great success, was the... Read More
Life is an enigma...It starts without our knowledge, grows without... Read More
"Every prayer - every thought, every statement, every feeling -is... Read More
Most of what we've been taught about how to be... Read More
As we enter this holiday season, and this time of... Read More
When you're feeling "low," or out of the flow, it's... Read More
Problems, disappointments and trouble; the three skunks that sometimes think... Read More
Smart folk have always realised how vital it is to... Read More
Our lives are busy. We rush here only to remember... Read More
Bridgeview limo Chicago ..In 1978, Erma Bombeck wrote a book entitled "The Grass... Read More
While trying to ignore my teen daughters rap music a... Read More
A joke is a way of getting people to laugh.... Read More
By definition,an affirmation is a statement repeated time and again... Read More
Positive thinking in this day and age is a tool... Read More
I was always somebody who felt quite sorry for myself,... Read More
Think for a moment about all of the signals people... Read More
Are you undergoing a major life change? Or merely trying... Read More
There was some sunshine this weekend while I was writing... Read More
So what is a limiting belief?Don't you love the current... Read More
Failure is my favorite subject. For I have spent my... Read More
The others in the raft didn't seem to share Eddie's... Read More
"You can't always get what you want . . ."... Read More
The language we use programs our brains. Mastering our language... Read More
When someone thinks of a person with self-esteem most people... Read More
The way we use language can have a huge impact... Read More
Kasia is a talented landscape designer who speaks several languages,... Read More
This may sound quite aberrant to most of the younger... Read More
Human nature is created so that you can choose your... Read More
How would you like to stop feeling like your life... Read More
So...you might just believe I hide behind computers creating and... Read More
Looking around at our circumstances we may see only mountains... Read More
Several years, I was listening to a radio talk show... Read More
We hear a lot these days about accepting responsibility for... Read More
"If you don't enjoy getting up and working and finishing... Read More
Positive Attitude Tips |