The way we use language can have a huge impact on how we feel about ourselves.
By that, I don't mean what language we speak (English, French, Spanish, etc) but how we communicate with ourselves and with others.
We all have a constant dialogue going on in our heads and this has a strong impact on our self confidence. If our internal dialogue is negative, then we tend to feel negatively about ourselves, our situations, our circumstances. Equally, if our self-talk is positive, we feel better.
Being aware of this negative dialogue is the first step to correcting it.
The conversations we have within ourselves are as if we are actually saying them at the pace, tone and volume we would use if we were speaking to someone else. This is one of the major reasons that they are so powerful; it feels like it is the truth because we wouldn't lie to ourselves. We need to be sure that what we say is supportive.
Listen to what you say to yourself on a regular basis. Are the things you say negative or positive? Are these thoughts making you feel how you want to feel?
Start by writing down some of the things you say to yourself on a regular basis.
Write down the thoughts you have regularly or that are specific to a situation you find uncomfortable (or worse). Write as many as you can recall. Leave a space between each note so that you can write underneath it at a later stage. Think about the times when a perceived lack of confidence has got in your way and what you were saying to yourself in those moments.
For example, do any of these internal dialogues sound familiar:-
"Stop right there before you get embarrassed."
"Why me?"
"I wish I could just walk up to that person and say hello."
"Do not try it because you always fail."
"I cannot stand up in front of all these people and make a speech."
"I never get it right."
"I need to do more than this."
"If only I had more courage."
"People think I am an idiot because I get so flustered."
"I cannot do this because I have no confidence."
You can see how these self comments are very negative and are not likely to help you get the results that you are wanting. Not only are they negative, but they contain some powerful words that just embed the feelings you do not want even deeper into your thinking. You are, therefore, not only being negative in that moment, you are setting yourself up to feel the same way the next time that situation arises.
Look at the specifically negative words in the above sentences.
embarrassed,
why,
wish,
fail,
cannot,
never,
need,
if,
flustered,
cannot.
Simply by using such words you are allowing yourself to be put into a negative way of thinking. You are bound to feel badly about a certain situation if you approach it with these thoughts.
Now take a note of HOW you talk to yourself i.e. the pace, tone and volume. Is your conversation fast, harsh and/or loud? It is not just the words you use but how you say them.
You have already written down some of your own internal comments and conversations. Take a look at your notes and see if you can identify the negative words you have used. They will probably stand out like a sore thumb. If you are like most people you will discover that the things that you say to yourself are not very helpful to you.
Now that you understand this point you can begin to change the words, sentences, tone, and volume of your internal dialogue.
When you are communicating with others, you should use the same techniques as described here. Although our most common conversations are internal, it is important to realise that the same rules apply when we are talking to other people.
Again, be aware of your words, how you speak and practice putting your new knowledge into action. When you change what you say and how you say it in conversation, you will start to notice that you are getting a much better response.
Remember, YOU CHOOSE YOUR WORDS, whether consciously or unconsciously, so make the decision to deliberately override your previous habits and use words, sentences, tones and feelings that help you to get the results that you want.
Allan Cowley is a Life Coach working on a one-to-one basis with clients throughout the world. He provides online coaching via his website at http://www.uk-success-coach.com/
Alexis limo rentals ..Never Quitting Equals Success Most people who achieve fortunes in... Read More
The most happy and successful people on earth have a... Read More
There are only two emotions we can experience; love or... Read More
Problems, disappointments and trouble; the three skunks that sometimes think... Read More
In my work as a professional coach, I've had the... Read More
The only constant is change. If theres one thing we... Read More
I went online -- and what do I see? A... Read More
Just 2 nights ago my partner and I were watching... Read More
Thousands of dollars will be yours, just by using your... Read More
Life is the greatest roller coaster ride we will ever... Read More
John Ryder awakens feeling rested, refreshed, and sensing a calm... Read More
Unhappy moods can be like comfortable sweaters, those old ones:... Read More
Changing your mindset can have a significant impact on achieving... Read More
Often when radical change occurs in our lives we feel... Read More
Can you do something for me?Tell me?Please don't think tomorrow.What?Yeah,... Read More
I have a 440-page guide on how to simplify my... Read More
You've probably heard this idea at one time or another.... Read More
Contrary to the popular saying "attitude is everything" attittude is... Read More
When I was a young girl, my sister and I... Read More
In the international bestseller, Blink, Malcolm Gladwell explains how researchers... Read More
Everything exists twice. First, in your mind. Later, before you... Read More
Have you ever been caught up in a thought that... Read More
There are times that we encounter fearful thoughts that can... Read More
Does negative thinking pay? Is it desirable for me to... Read More
If you suffer from low self-esteem, it's because you don't... Read More
car service from Midway Alsip ..There is a growing volume of research that shows' staying... Read More
Every day that I eat EnergyRich? Food, I get almost... Read More
I'm getting calls from folks who say, "I hear you... Read More
"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is... Read More
I'm lucky.When I was fifteen, I was the sole survivor... Read More
We hear a lot these days about accepting responsibility for... Read More
THOUGHTS are powerful. The power of THOUGHTS cannot be underestimated.... Read More
"Every prayer - every thought, every statement, every feeling -is... Read More
While trying to ignore my teen daughters rap music a... Read More
Many people find it extremely difficult to be assertive, whether... Read More
I loved Norman Vincent Peale's, Power of Positive Thinking as... Read More
Question: "It's only three months. Or six months. Or a... Read More
So what is a limiting belief?Don't you love the current... Read More
Thank you is such a beautiful phrase. When you say,... Read More
How would you like to stop feeling like your life... Read More
Looking around at our circumstances we may see only mountains... Read More
In 1978, Erma Bombeck wrote a book entitled "The Grass... Read More
Does the thought of failure send a cold shiver down... Read More
I am often astounded at what and why people believe... Read More
IntroductionDid your boss, took you for a ride? Did your... Read More
Speaking comes to most people as naturally as breathing. On... Read More
My story explains the struggles I had as a 23-year-old... Read More
Changing your mindset can have a significant impact on achieving... Read More
Thinkers know better than to be racist. It's generally understood... Read More
Satisfaction 100% guaranteed or your money back! That was the... Read More
Positive Attitude Tips |