Condition or Definition?

In talking with a coaching client recently, she made a statement about a negative habit followed by these words: "that's just who I am." I challenged her to re-examine what she had said. In fact, the truth was, she had a habit, but it was no more "who she is" than to say that the package your food comes in is the food. It is the package. It may represent the food or cover the food, but it isn't the food. And therein lies a key distinction. I challenge you this week to examine whether you have given power (identity) to something that is actually a condition rather than a definition of who you are.

Listen for how often in casual conversations we associate our identity with something we do or don't do. "I'm just disorganized" becomes the definition of who I am instead of a description of a messy desk. "I'm sick," becomes part of my identity rather than the truer statement, "I have X condition." A condition doesn't have to possess you, unless you wrap your identity around it. When you do, you automatically ascribe power to that condition that it doesn't have. You'll hear this powerlessness come out in statements such as, "I'm no good at..." or "When I get X, then I can truly be happy or satisfied." In other words we delay "being" happy or satisfied until some future time when a certain condition is met. In truth, if we can't be happy or satisfied right now, no condition in the future will make us any more so.

In 5th grade, my male teacher told me I (because I was a girl) wasn't good at math. From that point forward, I unconsciously adopted "I'm not good at math" as part of my identity. And sure enough, I struggled in every math class from then on. It caused me other problems as I grew up and convinced myself that "not being good at math" also meant I couldn't balance my checkbook. That's because the moment we give something an identity in ourselves, we begin to align "reality" to concur with that picture. A more accurate statement of my math proficiency might have been to say that I had the ability to handle concrete mathematical problems but was challenged by conceptual mathematics like algebra (a subject I could never see much use for anyway!)

Listen to yourself today. Where have you defined yourself and then aligned your behavior with that definition? "I'm fat. I'm lazy. I'm no good at public speaking. I'm disorganized. I'm sick and tired of X." The examples are everywhere. Our language about our situations reveals whether we've acknowledged a condition or adopted a definition. Realize that a condition is usually temporary. Create some space around it by simply noticing how you've allowed it to define you. Oh yes, and notice how much judgement you're carrying around about yourself over whatever condition you've adopted as a definition. When you can get to the point where you simply notice, "Oh I've gained 5 pounds," without wrapping an identity of "I'm fat" around it, you're free to choose a set of behaviors that produces a different set of conditions for you.

Learn to distinguish between conditions and definitions. Beware of definining who you are in terms of habits or behaviors. Refuse to allow your identity to be limited by a limited condition. It can be the beginning of a very real place of peace and choice in your life. And as always, enjoy the journey.

Betty

***********************
Quote of the Week
***********************

"The Master observes the world but trusts his inner vision. He allows things to come and go. His heart is open as the sky." ~~Lao-Tzu

Betty Mahalik has been coaching small business owners, independent professionals and leaders who want to achieve more but stress less, since 1996. Her background includes several years in the broadcasting and public relations fields prior to starting her own firm in 1987. She is an accomplished public speaker and corporate trainer specializing in communications, goal-setting and leveraging your strengths. Since 2001, she has written a weekly motivational message, free to subscribers, titled Monday Morning Coach. To subscribe or learn more about Betty's coaching and training services, visit http://www.dynamic-coaching.com

Alexis limo rentals ..
In The News:

Who needs roads? The WindRunner aircraft was designed specifically to haul massive wind turbine blades, some of which are over 459 feet long.
A Google DeepMind team has developed an artificial intelligence system that can play video games like a human and take native language commands from players.
Four of the largest school boards in Ontario, Canada have launched lawsuits against TikTok, Meta, and Snapchat, claiming that they have impacted students' thinking and behavior.
Finalists for the inaugural Women’s Prize for Nonfiction, aimed at addressing the gender imbalance in nonfiction publishing, were unveiled on Wednesday.
Tech guru Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson breaks down whether the government is watching citizens and what they can do to protect online privacy.
A benchmarking group for artificial intelligence has released new results evaluating the speed of hardware in running AI applications and responding to users.
Sierra Space’s Dream Chaser spaceplane provides a glimpse into the future of space travel. Traveling to space may become a part of everyday life.
The new European Hyperloop Center in the Netherlands aims bring in a new era of transportation. The center will use a steel tube as a proving ground for testing the new vehicle.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
While it may be incredibly tempting to have a “go with the flow" mindset like the rest of your vacation, your technology definitely should not be compromised while traveling.
Have you ever accidentally deleted an app from your iPhone that you’ve already paid for? Don't worry. We’ve got a trick that will help you get it back without having to buy it again.
Apple's new Journal app has raised privacy concerns among Apple's userbase. Tech expert Kim Komando examines social media rumors and explains what steps to take to protect yourself.
Although Facebook has denied that our phones listen to us, they do have other ways of finding out what we are talking about, listening to and searching for.
With the integration of OpenAI technology, Figure 01 has taken a significant leap forward, showcasing the potential of robots to understand and interact with us on a personal level.
Port Ellen, newly reopened whisky distillery in Scotland, is using SmokeDNAi technology to understand mouth-feel and flavors during the whisky maturation process.
Telly, a smart TV firm, is promising to give out their 4K 55-inch TV for free. What must you give in return? The innovative, yet potentially unsettling, answer might shock you.
The moment a spam invite hits your calendar, it’s like an uninvited guest at a party. So, what do you do? Show it the door.
Identity thieves are now targeting children and are making large sums of money by exploiting children's identities, possibly hurting their financial future.
There's a clever way to change the notification sounds on your Android without having to look at your screen. Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explains.
If your bank accounted has been hacked, there are a number of steps you can take to prevent it from happening again. Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explains.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
The Wave House, a data center in Heidelberg, Germany, is the the largest 3D-printed building in Europe. Its walls were built in about 140 hours.
Some government agencies around the world are struggling to meet their staffing goals when it comes to hiring artificial intelligence experts.
Google Maps' recent upgrades have introduced real-time ETA and turn-by-turn directions to your phone's lock screen while you are traveling.
Kat Cammack says AI could disrupt the 2024 election. A report says shared AI image tools generate election disinformation in 41% of cases and voting disinformation in 59% of cases.

A Recovering Ragers Creed

A rager, or rageaholic, is a person who is addicted... Read More

We All Send Signals

Think for a moment about all of the signals people... Read More

4 Ways You Can Get Over Your Need for Acceptance and Get on with Your Life

Imagine what your life would be like if you could... Read More

Think Positive: Using Affirmations to Create Health, Wealth and Beauty

You've heard the buzzwords: Attitude is everything! Change your perspective!... Read More

Cleaned Up or Cleaned Out?

I need your help. I did a good deed recently,... Read More

Life, The Greatest Ride of All

Life is the greatest roller coaster ride we will ever... Read More

Our Worst Enemies

Most of us love to think that our problems are... Read More

The Map Is Not the Territory

Just in an average day we can experience many things... Read More

Create Your Own Confidence Bank Account

This is a technique that sounds a bit silly when... Read More

How to Plan a Vacations of the Mind

Part 1Recently, in a women's therapy group that I run,... Read More

Stepping Into Possibility Thinking

Our thoughts really belong to the collective consciousness of the... Read More

Failure is Celebration Time

Failure is my favorite subject. For I have spent my... Read More

Making Conflict Productive

Conflict is unavoidable. How we respond to it makes a... Read More

Understanding Visualization

Visualization is the art of using ones imagination to influence... Read More

Five Ways to Be More Encouraging

We all need encouragement. Even the most callous, hard headed... Read More

A Negative Experience an Opportunity?

Early in my career a position became available which I... Read More

Does It Really Matter?

We are all involved in this game called life and... Read More

Learning From Life

Do you ever find yourself thinking, "Life has taught me... Read More

Self-Recovery from Addiction: Taking Responsibility for Your Life

I've had several coaching clients come to me who, while... Read More

Instant Frequency Boosters: 10 Fast and Simple Ways to Raise Your Vibration

When you're feeling "low," or out of the flow, it's... Read More

Perspective Is Everything

Ever witnessed an incident that needed to be reported to... Read More

Is ADD Getting You Down? 6 Tips to Sharpen Your Celebrating Skills

Celebrating is a skill that adults with ADD (Attention Deficit... Read More

Creating Positive Environments, Part 1: Using Art

One of our most active senses is sight. What we... Read More

Combat Your Bad Days

No matter how positive a person we are overall, there... Read More

Positive Changes Achieved by Exercising Mind, Body & Spirit

My story explains the struggles I had as a 23-year-old... Read More

car service from Midway Alsip ..