Often, I've come across individuals who, while in conversation, will stumble into a rendition about 'how miserable life is.' The adult children are wrecking havoc in the home, the job's not going well, money is short, and a whole other slew of treacherous stories. During the conversation, I would interject, 'but how does this effect you personally?'
Much to my dismay, that query is usually left unanswered. Clearly we have all been in similar communication and being the compassionate persons we are, we might ask, 'so what are you going to do about it?' The most common response, 'I don't know...' or '...I can't do anything about it...'
That's when the conversation get's sticky. Now that the other person has literally poured out his heart to you about all the demons in his life, we human beings are compelled to offer our intricate advice on how to deal with their problems. Though well intended, most of our advisement will fall on deaf ears when the individual in question, is inviting misery in her life.
What do I mean by 'inviting misery?' Who would invite misery into his life? We are all guilty of inviting misery into our lives at one time or another. Suddenly, we are faced with a problem and because the problem has clouded our logic, we can not and will not accept helpful advice. Instead, we harp on the problem. We permit the problem or problems to rule our individual lives and lifestyles. Because we succomb to the problem, we begin to 'live' the problem. How does that happen? We begin to live the problem when all we can do is rant and rave about it, but subsequently, do nothing about it.
So now we're back to square one.
Here is a hypothetical example:
Joe is no one in particular - he could be your best friend, co-worker or brother. He is a divorced man in his mid-40s, works in a factory or office, and has raised two children by himself. His son is a narcissist who has a devil-may-care attitude and neglects his child. You're in mid-conversation and now you're faced with Joe's married son's issues. Joe begins to tell you all about how his son leaches off of him, brings his dirty laundry for him to wash, neglects his grandson, and doesn't listen to him for any parental advice. Joe has become so consumed by his son's wreckless behavior and unwillingness to modify his lifestyle that Joe himself has become a nervous wreck. So what do you do? You offer your friend your 'helpful' advice: 'Stop letting your son run your life...if he's not taking care of his child, turn him in...' What happens next is inevitable: "I CAN'T do that!"
Now this is where we are ultimately faced with a critical dilemma. We have now invaded Joe's private space and have warranted retalliation because Joe doesn't really want to solve his problems. Joe just wants to complain about problems that aren't his. It's his son - of course they're his problems - wrong.
But how does that invite misery? Well, it doesn't invite misery into our own lives, but it does in Joe's case. Joe knows that he has all the tools at his disposal to fix part or all of the situation. It's not that Joe can't fix the problem, it's that he doesn't want to fix the problem. Repairing situations takes effort, dedication and sometimes, sacrifice - it is much easier to complain about it. In Joe's case, turning his son in for neglect may sever the ties of his complex father-son relationship. He feels instant guilt and betrayal should he file a report. He doesn't want to stop his son from using him because he may sever ties of communication with him. Instead, he would rather uphold an abusive relationship with his own grown son, knowing that his grandson is in harm's way for the sake of preserving his relationship with him. This is a classical example of inviting misery into one's life.
Joe has subconsciously invited misery to become his partner in everyday life. He lives in constant debate on whether he's doing the 'right thing.' He is angry that his son has grown into a volatile person, and he is scared for his grandson's health. But still, he accepts this self-induced fate. Joe cannot control the actions of his son, but, he can control his own actions. If he permits his son to burden him with his behavior, dirty laundry and leaching, then he has invariably created his own problem. If Joe has knowledge that his grandson is being neglected, it is by choice that he allows the neglect to continue. Only Joe has the power to choose.
As human beings, we are often faced with difficult choices in life. And many times, it is much easier to worry and complain. Though difficult decisions may arise, we still have the option to create more livable environments by directing ourselves in more constructive pattens. There are many 'Joes' out there with lesser or more complex problems than the fictional Joe in this article; however, you - nor I - can help him. Joe has to help himself first.
*If you or someone you know is experiencing a crisis and needs help resolving personal issues, please feel free to review our holistic and consumer resources directories at HolisticJunction.com for counseling help today.
Disclaimer: Literature is intended for educational purposes only and is not intended to substitute the advice provided by a licensed health professional
? 2005 - Are You Inviting Misery into Your Life?
by C. Bailey-Lloyd aka. LadyCamelot
C. Bailey-Lloyd/LadyCamelot is the Public Relations Director & Staff Writer for holistic junction -- Your source of information for holistic junction; holistic junction; other Alternative Healthcare; Insightful Literature and so much more!
Mercedes Benz s500 rentals Salem ..I just heard the story of a man who hired... Read More
No one likes rejection. And yet it happens. Here's how... Read More
One of my class fellows was really tensed, when asked... Read More
THOUGHTS are powerful. The power of THOUGHTS cannot be underestimated.... Read More
Yuk!One thing, I really have a problem with is criticism.... Read More
One often hears people say they can't sketch because they... Read More
Part 1Recently, in a women's therapy group that I run,... Read More
The other day one of my "challenging clients" and I... Read More
Life can be downright scary - sometimes more than others.... Read More
Changing Negative Thoughts into Positive Thoughts is a key lesson... Read More
Most of us love to think that our problems are... Read More
Need a way to make your life a better place... Read More
Dear Friends,All human beings have a unique ability right from... Read More
Spring is here at last! The season brings with it... Read More
Everyone faces challenges during their life, from suffering the death... Read More
The quality of your life is directly related to your... Read More
I had a completely different idea for my main article... Read More
ARE YOU IN... OR OUT?Are you in or out of... Read More
Looking around at our circumstances we may see only mountains... Read More
Does that title make you cringe? It made me cringe... Read More
Positive self-esteem is very important if not crucial to our... Read More
There are always explanations for why things to you or... Read More
You got up today to go to work, to come... Read More
I was playing tennis today with one of my tennis... Read More
In talking with a coaching client recently, she made a... Read More
Dowagiac cheap limo service ..? If it takes me to periphery (Drifted into continuous... Read More
"If you don't enjoy getting up and working and finishing... Read More
Heard of a raindance? It is a ritual used by... Read More
Apart form the Emotions and the attitude, Anger is a... Read More
Ever had a problem with doubts? Ever felt that nagging... Read More
This is the age of the Quick Fix - the... Read More
Change your attitude, change your lifeIn my experiences, I've found... Read More
"Where are your bananas?" It seemed like a logical question... Read More
Conflict is unavoidable. How we respond to it makes a... Read More
"It really works!" "Well, I'll be?!"BJ like so many others... Read More
Before we are able to use the Universal Thought System... Read More
Humans tend to categorize things by large or small, bright... Read More
Distortions are False Beliefs Programmed every Day by Self and... Read More
I've yet to meet the person who never struggles with... Read More
Most of what we've been taught about how to be... Read More
One thing in life is certain---change. Things never stay the... Read More
You've probably heard this idea at one time or another.... Read More
You've been looking for a job for as long as... Read More
For most of us our lives are a problem which... Read More
Since the beginning of human history we have been living... Read More
No one likes rejection. And yet it happens. Here's how... Read More
Did you know that our thoughts may be influencing our... Read More
A day in your life is a brief and precious... Read More
Failure is my favorite subject. For I have spent my... Read More
As a financial economist my motivation has long been to... Read More
Positive Attitude Tips |