Jason Meridith's two-year old son whines when he wants more juice. Brenda Kreuger's eight-year old daughter whines about having to take piano lessons. Connie Gustufson's daughter whines about not getting enough playing time on the softball team. Each parent finds the whining annoying, but is unsure what to do about it. In each case, the parent and the child could be helped by the following guidelines.
Do expect your child to whine. It is age appropriate at two, three, eight, thirteen, nineteen and every other age in between. Children will whine. Count on it.
Don't say, "Stop whining." That doesn't work. Children do not like being ordered around under normal circumstances. When they are whining, they like it even less. One thing worse than a whiner is a whiner that engages you in a power struggle.
Do say, "Madison, that is whining. Whining doesn't work with me. What works with me is to ask in a normal voice, with normal tone and normal volume. If you do that, sometimes you get what you want. Sometimes you don't. But it's your only hope."
Don't be surprised if you are tested. Your child will check you out to see if you meant what you just said. Show them that you do.
Don't cave. You may be tested more than once. Once your child realizes that whining doesn't work, he will drop the behavior. A child who fights, fights because that behavior works for him. A child who runs away from fights, runs away because that works for him. A child who gives excuses, does so because that behavior works for him. Show your child that whining doesn't work with you.
Do announce the living room, kitchen, your bedroom, and the car are whine free zones. Put up whine free signs if necessary.
Do allow your child to whine. Provide a whining area. Her bedroom will work well for this purpose. With a legitimate whining area, your child can continue to whine if she chooses and you don't have to hear it.
Don't whine to your spouse about your whining your child. You are always modeling. Your child learned whining behavior somewhere. Could it have been from you?
Do use a whine fine for older children. Assess each whiner $1.00 per whine. Keep it in a whine jar or whine bottle. Treat yourself to dinner out or a massage when the whine toll allows.
Do allow children to whine in a whining journal. Inform them that you will listen to all whining if it is written down.
Do praise your child when she asks in a normal voice, with a normal tone and normal volume.
Don't take children to stores, malls or relatives homes beyond their normal bedtime. You are asking for whining. Whining, both theirs and yours, increases with tiredness.
Do use preventative communication before you enter whine zones. Have a talk in the car before you enter the grocery store. Explain the purpose of the trip. Set the ground rules. Make your expectations clear before you enter the whine zone and you will experience less whining after you get in there.
Do inform your child that you are having trouble hearing when she whines. Tell her she is hard to understand when she chooses that tone. Tell her whining hurts your ears and they close down for whine protection.
Do make a copy of this article and carry it around with you. This will help you stay conscious that whining is a behavior you have made a commitment to eliminate.
Don't get discouraged. Whining is learned behavior. Learned behavior can be unlearned and with consistent use of these strategies, your child will learn new behaviors to replace it.
Reproduced with permission from Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller's monthy E-zine, The Response-Able Parenting Newsletter. All rights reserved worldwide.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They are the co-authors of "The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose."
Chick Moorman is a veteran educator who has invested more than 40 years working with children, parents, and teachers. More than 300,000 participants have attended his lectures.
Thomas Haller is a preeminent family and couples therapist. His private psychotherapy practice has specialized in couples and their families for over 25 years. Tom is a highly sought-after speaker on the topics of parenting and coupling. He is the director of the Healing Minds Institute.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are on a mission to empower parents, teachers, and care-givers so they can in turn empower the children they love and serve. To subscribe to Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller's monthly E-zine on Response-Able Parenting, go to http://chickmoorman.com
Alto Pass chicago limos ..Keith is now in the fourth grade and he dislikes... Read More
There are many reasons for treating your twins as individuals... Read More
Many research studies have shown the overall effectiveness of stimulant... Read More
Although many children are picky eaters at some stage in... Read More
The Internet is one of the greatest inventions of all... Read More
We were all teens at one time for some many... Read More
Best friends! It may seem impossible to believe, but today's... Read More
For many adults, reading a book or newspaper seems effortless.... Read More
Most day cares are non-profit organizations that must operate within... Read More
When our oldest son was 2, my wife went out... Read More
Optimists do better academically, socially and enjoy better health than... Read More
If your child or teen has been diagnosed with Attention... Read More
If your child is to derive the benefits of physical... Read More
Parental example, whether for good or for bad, is undoubtedly... Read More
All babies cry, but if yours cries a lot, isn't... Read More
A common theme over the past 20 years has been... Read More
As our children grow, they will be going to schools... Read More
How excited do kids get with the start of school... Read More
So your little Susie wants to join a competitive gymnastic... Read More
Be aware. You may become totally overwhelmed when you get... Read More
It can be hard being a parent with a teen... Read More
"Now don't you go getting any ideas, Harold.""Don't you get... Read More
Most of our Founding Fathers, including Ben Franklin, Sam Adams,... Read More
Although many parents become frustrated as they try to maintain... Read More
The 'phone conversation had nothing at all to do with... Read More
Alto Pass cool limo ..On a recent Saturday evening, I noticed a young teen-age... Read More
So you're going to become a father. Now is not... Read More
The cruel callous remarks made by our offspring can sometimes... Read More
What do you do when your child begins talking to... Read More
Incest is sexual activity, ranging from fondling to intercourse, between... Read More
There are some grounds to assume that a cognitive dissonance... Read More
As a hypnotherapist, I am acutely aware of the power... Read More
Are you considering a car wash fundraiser for your group?... Read More
While most fathers aspire to become the best Dads they... Read More
How often do you think of family life as an... Read More
I used to have a really challenging job. It was... Read More
What parent hasn't gone into a son's or daughter's room... Read More
Have you ever had this struggle with your teens? Did... Read More
I will never forget the day that my daughter's sixth... Read More
Demanding children ? children who have entitlement issues ? seem... Read More
What are the easiest things citizens can do to prevent... Read More
Have you ever experienced one of those days when you... Read More
John was a 43 year-old sales manager at a large... Read More
Q: A parent writes in to ask, "You write a... Read More
Parents play a critical role in their child's success. These... Read More
The children of Baby Boomers, the Echo Generation, are entering... Read More
My cousin boasts five names and I confess that when... Read More
"Hugging is healthy: it helps the body's immunity system, it... Read More
Here are some things that you can do to help... Read More
Often, the struggle at dinnertime with your picky eater is... Read More
Parenting |