'I felt great until I walked into the classroom - then it all went wrong!'
No, this wasn't a teacher talking! It was a high school student on the day of an important exam.
She needed a good grade in a particular subject to qualify for a place at college, so she had worked hard and psyched herself up for success.
Then she blew it. She walked into the classroom where students were gathering before going to the exam hall, and allowed herself to be influenced by them.
She told me the atmosphere in the room was charged with negativity. People were sitting around with gloomy faces, some were wringing their hands and pacing up and down. Others were uttering such comments as:
'I'm going to fail, I just know it!'
'This is going to be SO hard!'
'Mr So-and-So said we've nobody to blame but ourselves.'
'Yeah, it's been an easy paper the last two years. They're bound to toughen up this year.'
So it went on. And the girl in question allowed herself to be sucked under. She reported a feeling of nausea as the confidence drained from her.
In fact, she never failed, but to everyone's disappointment, she never got the high grade expected of her.
However, she learned two very important lessons that day:
* Negative language produces negative results
* If we're not careful we can easily become 'infected' by the negativity of others.
Our experience in any situation is largely influenced by our attitude to it, (i.e. the way we FEEL, the way we react emotionally to the situation).
Our attitude is affected by our thoughts, our thoughts affect our language, and our thoughts are in turn affected BY our language.
And not only by our OWN language, but by the language of others - if we're not careful, that is.
Here in the UK teachers are used to hearing students say 'I'm stuck!' when working on a classroom assignment or exercise. A challenge has been encountered and the student is having difficulty finding a solution.
Fair enough, ask the teacher for help, that's what they're there for. Many a parent has given their kids that advice.
But what's the effect of saying 'I'm stuck'?
What message does that send to the brain?
As a teacher, I've experimented with this many times - and the results are always the same!
Whenever I hear someone say 'I'm stuck' I usually say, 'Right, I'll be with you shortly.' And I leave them to it.
Other kids will say 'Can you help me, please?' and I'll give them the same reply.
Now, without fail, the students who were 'stuck' sit and vegetate until the teacher comes over. After all, they've given their brains a message: 'Down tools! There's nothing more we can do right now.'
The kids who say they need help, however, are always to be found pondering over their work, trying to work out a solution.
That's the influence of language!
I should add, I only ever hear the cries of 'I'm stuck!' in a class that's new to me. Very quickly the students learn that they're not trees, so they're not stuck!
This is not a denial of reality - it's simply a way of INTERPRETING reality, and a much better, more effective way at that.
As a writer, I often hear people say they'd love to write a book. Recently one young woman said exactly that, then followed up with '. . . but I don't suppose I ever will.'
She was rather offended when I replied, 'No, I don't suppose you will.'
However, we talked about negative language, and she was grateful for the advice. As Henry Ford so aptly put it: 'If you think you can't - you're right!'
So how can we, as parents, help in our child's education and in life in general?
Help them monitor their language. And, as always, give them a good example by keeping our own language positive! Gently point out that 'I hate Chemistry!' will only reinforce a negative attitude to that subject.
'I need to work at Chemistry' will make it easier to do just that!
When kids complain they are bored, encourage them to think, 'I could be more interested in this!' The message to the brain? - 'Come on, rouse yourself! Take an interest.'
So far, so good. But what about the negative language of others, which can so easily throw our kids off guard.
Here's a simple technique that, believe me, really works!
When you encounter a negative atmosphere or negative language, try to remove yourself from it. But if you can't, just imagine you are enclosed in a plastic bubble or glass bell jar - double or triple glazed if necessary!
Tell yourself that your positive contributions can go out and affect others, but their negative comments bounce off and don't get near you.
Try it. It works . . .
Happy parenting!
Why do some parents and children succeed, while others fail? Frank McGinty is an internationally published author and teacher. If you want to develop your parenting skills and encourage your kids to be all they can be, visit his web pages, http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.html
AND http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.html
shuttle from Midway Glen Ellyn ..Jason Roberts listened to his son's explanation of the missing... Read More
Researching career education uncovered the following shocking statistic: The average... Read More
Many research studies have shown the overall effectiveness of stimulant... Read More
To have reasonable expectations of our children is an important... Read More
Criticism is punitiveOur children judge themselves on the opinions we... Read More
Discipline is a necessary part of parenting yet it makes... Read More
Incest is sexual activity, ranging from fondling to intercourse, between... Read More
Potty training fears, often called toilet terrors, are common among... Read More
Question 1 "How do I get more time to play?"... Read More
Wooden toys are one of the best alternatives for the... Read More
I remember when my daughter was born. Visions of her... Read More
Tripping over the shoes and toys that seem to clutter... Read More
IntroductionChildren are the gifts of God to parents. That young... Read More
The Internet, is magnificent in its resources for families. Educational... Read More
Why Is Spending Time with Your Child So Important?For children... Read More
Parents, when you help your children learn to read, you... Read More
Childhood friendships are as special as they are a necessary... Read More
The brightly colored plastic mobile dangles lazily overhead in the... Read More
Having been a parent educator and a PBS consultant for... Read More
NY -- Strange as it may sound, bordom promotes happier,... Read More
Having a babysitter take care of your kids is sometimes... Read More
Every parent wants their child to develop positive character traits.... Read More
Predicament:My son is 4 1/2 years old. His younger brother... Read More
Every now and then I'll get a story sent to... Read More
I will never forget the day that my daughter's sixth... Read More
shuttle from O'Hare North Chicago ..Parents, do you have children who do poorly in school,... Read More
School authorities often complain that classes are too large. They... Read More
Start some gardening traditions with your kids. Give them their... Read More
The Theme from MASHI flipped the button on the remote... Read More
She slipped her small, soft eight-year-old hand into mine. Her... Read More
Working with adults (as well as children and teens) for... Read More
Your daughter tells you that Uncle Charley has touched her... Read More
My name is Duncan and I'm 2 years old. I... Read More
By not planning for the future we guarantee that we... Read More
In the wonderment of childhood, it is easier for a... Read More
The big yellow school bus is coming down my road... Read More
Vinegar or honey, what do kids really want? "Toys, candy,... Read More
Every now and then I'll get a story sent to... Read More
It's funny how people seem to think that they have... Read More
One of the challenges for parents with a gifted child... Read More
The purpose of this article is to address some of... Read More
Let's be honest! When it comes to parenting, men expect... Read More
Reasearch into children's friendships shows that those children who are... Read More
For troubled teens who are struggling with drug abuse, depression... Read More
The back-to-school shopping is done. Brand new pencils, colored markers,... Read More
Remember when cash was a tangible commodity in all of... Read More
It may seem obvious to many people why literacy is... Read More
As I sit here and reflect on the past two... Read More
Memorizing math facts is a necessary part of elementary school.... Read More
Are you a parent concerned about passing values on to... Read More
Parenting |