Are your children truthful, kind, and helpful? If so, read no further. If not, please listen to Colby and his mom.
"All my friends cheat," announced 11-year-old Colby.
"What?" exclaimed his mother? "You don't cheat do you?"
"Sometimes," answered Colby. "But I never get caught."
"It's not all right to cheat, young man," scolded his mother. "How many times have I told you cheating is wrong? What is the matter with you?"
Whether it's lying, stealing, cheating or some other problem behavior, do you find yourself giving lectures on being honest while your child rolls his eyes?
I remember counseling one father who loved his daughter so much that he would give her two-hour lectures. She not only rolled her eyes, but tapped her fingers too. He would yell, "Are you listening to me?"
"Uh-huh," she'd answer.
Parents, there is an easier way. It doesn't have to take two hours either. Consider using the 4-POINT PLAN:
Probe
Listen
Appreciate
No Criticizing
Instead of worrying, whining, or wearing yourself out with lengthy lectures, make your goal one of understanding what and how your child thinks. By knowing what your child thinks, you can better influence how he or she thinks. This simple PLAN will help you communicate more effectively.
Let's go back to Colby. Instead of lecturing ?
PROBE
Ask nonjudgmental questions. Get as much information as you can in order to understand how and what your child thinks. Guide your child with questions like:
How do you feel when a cheater gets better grades than you get? How do you think honest kids feel about cheaters? How much would your class learn if everyone cheated? What advice would you give to cheaters?
Depending on your child's answers keep probing with thoughtful questions of your own.
LISTEN
Listen with respect. Avoid interrupting with your own advice. If you interrupt, your child may shut down and only tell you what you want to hear. Then you'll be stuck where you started-not knowing what or how your child really thinks.
APPRECIATE
Look for thoughts from your child that you can truly praise. Smile, agree, and let your child know what you liked about his or her thoughts. Hopefully, your child will have already changed some old thoughts about cheating, like "It's okay to cheat if I don't get caught."
NO CRITICIZING
Why not criticize and lecture? Because you need to reflect on what your child said. You need to consider new ways to influence your child's thinking toward a stronger healthier character. You need to create a thoughtful plan of your own for your child's further improvement.
If you follow this 4-Point PLAN you will be giving your child the three priceless gifts that all human beings want:
To be heard
To be understood
To be appreciated
These gifts will bond your child with you and influence his or her character too.
This 4-POINT PLAN is a powerful tool for discussing problems in movies and on TV. You can also use it to discuss real life difficulties at school, in the neighborhood, within your family, and, especially, in stories with dilemmas. The next time you have something important to discuss don't lecture. Next time Probe, Listen, Appreciate, and No criticizing. Try it. You'll like it. Why? Because this 4-POINT PLAN will get you the results you want, an awesome kid with an awesome character.
Jean Tracy, MSS, invites you to build character in young hearts and growing minds. To raise your awesome kids with solid characters, sign up for her FREE Parenting Newsletter and download her FREE bonding activities, parenting tips, and articles at http://www.kidsdiscuss.com
?All rights reserved. Please observe copyright. Post this author resource box when using this article. Please inform me when and where you reprint this article.
Alto Pass chicago limos ..Anorexia nervosa is a serious medical disorder that is statistically... Read More
Chiladult? Whatever you call them, teenagers are a changin' and... Read More
Childhood friendships are as special as they are a necessary... Read More
In the last 20 years we've all been introduced to... Read More
Rule #1 Make Every Bite Count!Everything your child eats should... Read More
In our last issue we posted some of our suggested... Read More
Did you know that the school system is only able... Read More
Not all parents subscribe to the notion of "tough love,"... Read More
What should the goals for counseling be when the patient... Read More
Once upon a time there was a beautiful bird whose... Read More
It's hard to explain to the uninitiated the changes that... Read More
School authorities continually claim that they want more parent cooperation... Read More
When you hear the phrase, 'guerrilla parenting techniques', what images... Read More
I'm sure many of you have heard that old Hallmark... Read More
"All that I am or ever hope to be, I... Read More
Moms and dads, are there times you think that parenting... Read More
In the wonderment of childhood, it is easier for a... Read More
Many public schools not only fail to educate our children,... Read More
In seminars I am often asked about pocket-money and whether... Read More
As parents and teachers, sometimes we want to praise, at... Read More
Several similar terms describe the central attribute of a character... Read More
Summer Survival The... Read More
"To educate a person in mind and not in morals... Read More
Single parenting has seemingly become an acceptable norm which is... Read More
The citizens of the early Roman Republic enjoyed an education... Read More
Alto Pass cool limo ..One of the most difficult parts of being a father... Read More
Home-schooling provides children with a superior education. Parents can quickly... Read More
Most people have more training before they receive their driver's... Read More
Life is full of competition -- even in childhood. Kids... Read More
Most day cares are non-profit organizations that must operate within... Read More
The cruel callous remarks made by our offspring can sometimes... Read More
When my son was 18 (and had finished school), he... Read More
Choosing to leave your child with a caregiver is one... Read More
Best friends! It may seem impossible to believe, but today's... Read More
Optimists do better academically, socially and enjoy better health than... Read More
The 21st Century Problem in Schools: Bullying, and How to... Read More
How would you like to have a closer relationship with... Read More
When it comes to exams, or indeed any academic work,... Read More
Back to school preparations are in full-swing. Soon, the first... Read More
In his recent newsletter "Happy Kids", parenting expert Michael Grose... Read More
'Picky Eater' is a label coined to describe the phenomenon... Read More
Parental Alienation Syndrome was probably first identified and codified by... Read More
Every now and then I'll get a story sent to... Read More
"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine,... Read More
"Not another meeting!"That tends to be the reaction from many... Read More
What one word best sums up summer fun? Water. I... Read More
A strange thing happened to me today. Or more precisely,... Read More
It happens every year. Just when you are settled in... Read More
Many companies advertise their products as being educational. How much... Read More
Why are more people, especially parents not outraged?I call it... Read More
Parenting |