This article on parenting is by a practicing relationship counsellor/therapist, and father.
The following suggestions will be useful for any parent or caregiver who wants to improve their relationships with their children.
In more extreme situations, many of the approaches will still be directly useful, and the overall approach is a guide for what the extreme situation needs to come back to.
It would also be very useful to attend relationship and/or family counselling to uncover the deeper sources of any family conflict.
Main points:
Children have a primary need to be played with, and talked to, with actual connection, imagination to imagination - eg, on the floor, both delighting in the building and toppling of the blocks!
The imagination connection has to be real - kids know! It's as real a need as food.
It takes much less effort overall, to actually pay real attention to, and to play with children on a genuine level, than to have them continually whining, crying, sulking and demanding.
It is very important to consistently apply previously stated consequences to any inappropriate behaviour.
It is also very important that rules are fair and adhered to by the parents as well.
Your children want your respect and approval, so "discipline" them by withdrawing yourself from them - only for as long as the socially unacceptable behaviour continues. The only "reward" for "good" behaviour is social acceptance - "good" behaviour should be considered as "normal", nothing special.
Encourage self-confidence and self-responsibility. (If a child is obsessively over-protected, with the "message" that they are not capable, then they will be incapable).
(A person, who is happy, and aware of beauty, cannot deliberately destroy that beauty, or harm others or the planet).
Summary
About The Author
Clive Taylor has spent years of research into consciousness, zero-point physics theory, emergence theory, memes and many other new understandings coming out of mathematics, physics, sociology and psychology.
His ongoing work as relationship therapist is bringing deep revelations about the nature of our psyches.
Author/illustrator children's books and co-creator of a music CD.
Related web site: www.becomereal.com
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